Hello everyone,
Today is my first post on JWD, I was one of Jehovah’s Witness for almost 50 years of my life, I was born into the religion. I was baptized at a young age and once I got married I was a very spiritual woman as they would call me. My husband and I served as full time pioneers, we traveled abroad and went to International conventions, did some special pioneer service in other states in the US. We were even thinking of going into the Circuit Work. That is how deep into this religion we were. My husband was an elder and I was his spiritual wife by his side for decades.
Five years ago on the eve of Thanksgiving I turned on the television to watch the broadcast on 20/20 with Barbara Anderson regarding Jehovah’s Witnesses and how they hide and protect their pedophiles. I was mortified and shocked to say the least, my heart sank thinking how could this be true. As I watched Barbara’s interview her eyes were so sincere I believed every word she said. My husband and I were so distraught we actually informed our elders in the congregation of this 20/20 episode and their reaction which I will never forget “Well, good thing the broadcast was on Thanksgiving eve as this is the least watched night for television.” The elder did not seem shocked or surprised as he previously served at Bethel.
After we heard his remarks we were just taken back and said nothing else. That very night we went into our office and for the first time in my life I opened google search and typed in “Jehovah’s Witness” in the browser. I was nervous even typing that in, as I was a good faithful sister and the internet has lurking apostates at least that is what they brainwashed me into believing until that day.
I started searching I found the “JWD” website as well as a link to Barbara Anderson’s life story. I could not stop reading Barbara’s story, I then read about Ray Franz and how he was treated by the GB and I had to purchase his book to read all the details.
That same week I walked into the local book store chain and walked the aisles looking over my shoulder to make sure a JW was not in the store. I was so fearful if they saw me looking for this book and what would happen if I got caught, for fear that I would be branded an apostate and then they would disfellowship me. As I look back at how controlling this cult is, they lead with fear. I could not find “Crisis of Conscience” anywhere.
I then walked up to the clerk and asked if she had the book in stock. She stated she would look it up, my heart was pounding and I began to perspire as I was thinking I would get caught any moment now. I was thinking in my head, please don’t announce on the loud speaker “customer looking for Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz aisle 2”. I was thinking all the worst case scenarios in my head. What would I say if someone saw me? Finally the clerk said they would have to order it as they did not have it. I just thanked her and decided to order it online.
I then went home and ordered his book and a week later it arrived. Once I opened the package and I saw it, I picked it up and immediately thought to myself I need to hide this. Always that feeling of fear, I then went into my closet and got wrapping paper and began to wrap the book as if I was in grade school all over again. The book was now concealed but I took one step further to lock it up in a cabinet in case someone visited.
The book was locked up for about three weeks before I even picked it up to read it. I decided I would take it with me on vacation. Since I was out of the state there would be a very rare chance that anyone I knew would be at the same vacation spot. I could not put the book down, I read it from cover to cover and was heartbroken to read what Ray went through, at the same time I was crushed as everything I was taught over the years I thought was TRUTH. My eyes were completely opened and I knew that for almost 5 decades of my life I was deceived by the people leading this religion.
After our vacation my husband and I decided for now we will lay low and not say anything we will just watch and listen. We both frequented the JWD site often and found much comfort from posters who felt the same way as we did. Special thanks to Bethelite Billy, Blondie, Randy and Barbara for helping to open our eyes.
I enjoyed reading on JWD all the changes in advance before the “flock” knew from removing the book study out of people’s homes to “new light” on the generation. While staying up to date on JWD site we still remained good Christians and went to the conventions, meetings and field service but in our hearts we knew this was not the truth. After a few years had gone by our comments dwindled, we started missing a few meetings here and there hoping to just fade but the opportunity never came to fruition until now. We finally decided we had enough and we could no longer sit in the seats at the Kingdom Hall and listen to propaganda they were spewing, we are officially free!