This was first posted on Sep 19, 2002 18:47 by Jim_TX under Marriage & Retirement Totally Happy in Your Marriage
Recently divorced - after 21 years (give or take). Was not happy in that relationship.
Currently am in love once again - with the most awesome young lady I have ever met (well... on the internet).
Will be able to meet her soon (face to face), when she comes here for a visit.
Kinda restores my 'faith' in the concept of 'love'.
Yes, the more I get to know this one, the more I am deeply in love with her ahhhhhh ...... sorry --- was dreaming again.
Regards,
Jim_TX
I am the lucky lady that he was making reference to!
I have two stories to tell.
The first story tells of my walk through the San Antonio Airport to meet Jim_TX.
The Second Story tells about my feelings after spending two months getting to know and fall in love with this wonderful, loving man.
Story 1 San Antonio Airport on My Way to Meet Jim_TX
Tuesday, October 1 my plane landed here and I stepped off with anticipation and wonderment about my new life. I moved out of my apartment in Saskatoon, Canada -- having no job after being laid off. I said goodbye to Vern, my dance partner who wanted to be more. I said goodbye to my best girlfriend, Lillia who was in a dysfunctional relationship. I said goodbye to some of my dearest dance club friends.
The moment of truth has arrived. What would it be like to meet James? Would he be handsome? Would I feel attracted to him? Would there be chemistry? It seemed like an endless walk as I looked to the left and to the right, looking to gaze upon everyone who paused to look at me. Wheres James? I wondered. I hoped I had not walked past him.
I hoped there would be as strong an attraction in person as there was through the chat room, the emails and the phone calls. I hoped that I would not feel disappointed and run to my friends, Sylvie & Myles for refuge. (I felt relieved that I had a backup plan.)
I felt happy that James and I both agreed to honor what our instincts were telling us. Then I again felt that bond of trust and respect that we developed over the past 4 and some weeks.
I thought how out of character my entire plan was --- namely to run off to Texas without income and without a current address --- to meet a man I have never physically met before. I was expecting money from my uncles estate, and I thought I could collect my unemployment insurance. Financially, I thought I would be self-sufficient. I pride my independence, you know
I thought contemplatively about how comfortably and peacefully confident I arrived at this point in the journey. I felt sure that things would work out, even if James or I decided we would not further pursue this relationship. I thought how sad I might feel at the sense of loss of such a splendid romance.
I heard Lillias voice in my head again, Dont worry, EstherIt will be great! Dont you doubt it for a moment! Wait and see! Her eyes shone. My choices gave her hope. I hugged her and said breathlessly, Oh, thank you, Lillia! I held her tight for a long moment. I wanted so much for her to feel my joy. I saw her eyes fill up with tears. I wanted her to find happiness, too. She is so dear to me. I knew I would miss her.
I felt very self-conscious and a sudden sense of clumsiness as I felt the weight of the overloaded backpack strapped to my back, the awkwardly heavy carry-on bag that I was trying to balance between my desire to have all my necessities --- and my pillow --- plus still look attractive and desirable so I wouldnt scare this gentle, loving James away at the sight of me.
At this moment in time I had forgotten all about my badly sprained and bandaged ankle that had occurred only the day before, when I stepped sideways off the edge of the sidewalk at Lillias, falling awkwardly to the ground on my shoulder, as my dreams passed before my eyes. I thought about a broken, casted ankle. I thought about having to possibly cancel my trip to meet James. I thought about a second in time that could change my choices and circumstances forever. Sitting on the rain-soaked sidewalk, I yelped, Lillia! Take me to Davids! David worked on me for two hours, using Healing Touch. He coached Lillia to assist, then she further employed her Reiki techniques.
We accomplished everything on my list that Monday, the day before my flight to San Antonio. I realized what a wonderful gift I had given myself the weekend I took the HT Course. I recalled yet again the first words of our Instructor, This weekend? Your life will change forever! Hearing those words for the very first time at the Course in August, I contemplated the possibilities. Doors were closing in Saskatoon, one after another --- and another. I remember feeling excited thinking, I will be open to all the new possibilities and I will choose a new open door of opportunity that will feel just right. I remember smiling.
I smiled again, noticing my feet walking --- I wasnt even limping --- as I looked at all the faces in the San Antonio airport. I looked up and there was an escalator.
And then I saw James!
He seemed shy as he smiled at me. I felt quivery as I smiled nervously back. I felt breathless! James was j-u-s-t right! He held his arms out and I easily slipped into them mmmmm. He held me for a moment and we giggled.
Then he helped me put my luggage down and eased the backpack that was lodged to my back. I dropped my pillow. With the piles of possessions all around me --- us --- on the floor, James kissed my cheek. And I lightly and timidly kissed his neck.
Ah, yes --- James was j-u-s-t right for me. He presented me with three perfect, pink roses that were held, not only by his loving hands, but also by a green, specked frog with Velcro hands and feet. I giggled again. I felt happy v-e-r-y happy!
Story 2 Back in Saskatoon After Spending Two Beautiful Months with Jim_TX
It was a very lonely time for me, back in Saskatoon. I call myself ESTEE_TX because my heart is still in Texas. I had to go back to Canada to work --- No Green Card. I missed James so-o-o-o very much. We were two lovers torn apart by circumstances. I wanted James to know how much I loved him. So I wrote him a letter.
Dearest James,
I know that I used to feel afraid to let myself love someone, because I was afraid I would get hurt. However, the truth of the matter isif we will not allow ourselves to love, that is the thing that will hurt usit is the disallowing ourselves to love that will hurt us, rather than the giving ourselves permission to love.
I am not going to hurt you, James, my love. I will stay faithful until we are together again. You may depend and rely on me. I will be true. I have committed myself to loving you, totally. I am not physically or emotionally able to make love to a man that I am not in love with.
I fell in love with you before I ever met you, and meeting you in person merely confirmed what I already knewnamely, that I love you and want to be with you and help you fulfill your dreams in any way that I am ablebecause your dreams are also my dreams. James, I really do love you deeply. I do not feel afraid of my love for you. I realize that we are both in a vulnerable position right now. I realize that you could hurt me and reject me, if that is your choice. It is human and healthy to feel vulnerable. I also realize that you are struggling to find a way to have me in your life. We may also feel afraid because of the length of time that is involved before we will be together again I know that is a factor with me.
I still believe that our hearts found their way together for a reason and it may very well be because we knew in our hearts that we would feel happy together, and our happiness will only grow, the longer we are together. Our friendship and love relationships were what I would call harmonious. True, we had a few struggles -----everyone does --- however, we also worked through them, and that is a beautiful thing. We are wonderful together, I think. I miss you and love you so much, and I want to help you in this difficult and lonely time.
If you miss me anywhere near as much as I miss you, it is indeed a lonely and difficult time for you, as well. Even though you think more logically, and I think with more emotion, we are still missing each other. We were torn away from a very new, passionate, loving and giving relationship, and that hurts us both. It is not we that are hurting each other it is the circumstances that hurt.
I want to focus on our love, because I know that a year will pass very quickly and we will be together again before we know it. And we will be closer and more in love than ever. I hope you will give our love a chance.
All My Love,
Esther
AKA: ESTEE_TX
Edited by - Estee_TX on 16 December 2002 23:47:14