Pedophiles and Child Molesters
The following is an excerpt from a book written by a New Rochelle, NY
police detective, Mark Gado.
Pedophiles and Child Molesters: The Slaughter of Innocenece
A child molester is described as an older person, male or female, who experiences any type of sexual act with another person who is a child. A child molester, of course, can be either male or female but over 95% are male. America’s most famous female child molester, Mary Kay Letourneau, is currently serving a 7-½ year sentence in a Washington state prison for her sexual involvement with a 13-year-old boy. The relationship began when the victim was a student in her sixth grade class. Letourneau has given birth to two daughters fathered by the youth. One was born in prison. But Letourneau’s case is rare. It does not seem to be part of the psychological composite of females to sexually molest a child. That compulsion, whatever its origin, seems to lie deep within the male psyche.
Molesters engage in sex with children for a variety of reasons and sometimes these reasons have little to do with sexual desires. This type of offender, called a situational child molester, does not possess a genuine sexual preference for children. Rather, the motivational factors are criminal in nature and can have many causal factors. In some cases, the offender’s sexual abuse of young people is a natural outgrowth of other forms of abuse in his life. That abuse is a continuation of a process by which he has mistreated his friends, colleagues, spouse and family members. He will have low self-esteem, maintain poor moral standards and view sex with children as an opportunity to prolong the violence that is already an active component of his existence.
Other situational offenders see children as a substitute for an adult partner. Although these types of offenders do not harbor a singular sexual desire for children, they may react to a built up sexual impulse or anger, that to them, is irresistible. However, the victim is incidental. It could have been a store clerk, an elderly person or simply a woman walking down a lonely street. Because of the circumstances at hand, such as the Polly Klaas incident, the victim happened to be a child. His main criterion for a victim is availability. The situational child molester will usually have few victims, sometimes only one, and never repeat the event again. He could be a social misfit or a psychopathic personality who harbors a seething resentment and hostility towards society in general.
The second classification of sexual offender is defined as a preferential child molester. These offenders have a sexual preference for children and usually maintain these desires throughout their lives. Preferential child molesters can have an astounding number of victims and these crimes can remain undiscovered for many years. In 1995, a child molestation case in Texas caused a national uproar when the suspect was due to be released from prison after serving a 6 year sentence for the rape of a six-year-old boy. He told the police that he got away with abusing over 240 children before getting caught for molesting a single child and if released, would do it again. One long-term study of hundreds of sex offenders found that the pedophile child molester committed an average of 281 acts with 150 partners. These types of offenders wreak havoc upon society far out of proportion to their numbers.
The preferential child molester exhibits distinct patterns of behavior that are common among his kind. They will seduce children, as we will see later, by buying gifts and appealing to their emotional weakness. This requires the offender to develop a friendship with the child or utilize an existing relationship with the victim. In over 90% of the rapes of children less than 12 years old, the offender knew the victim (U.S. Department of Justice).
Other offenders will engage in self-exposure or personally harass children. Simply stated, the preferential child molester is a pedophile who has carried his fantasies and desires into reality. A small minority of these types of offenders may be sadistic in nature and inflict pain or torture upon their victims. These individuals, like any other criminal, can be brutal and sadistic. Such an individual was Britain’s most famous and despised child molester, Bill Malcolm.
In 1981, Malcolm was convicted of raping a 3-year-old girl and sent to prison. When he was released in 1984, he returned to rape the same terrified girl who was then 6 years old. Malcolm was angry that she had identified him as the rapist. He later told cops he wanted revenge. He was charged again in 1994 with rape and assault on 4 children who he allegedly tied to a bed and forced to perform sex acts. A judge later made a favorable ruling in Malcolm’s case and he walked out of the courtroom a free man. But child molesters evoke little sympathy from the general public. On February 18 this year, 2 men showed up at Malcolm’s doorstep and promptly put a bullet in his head. One person said what a lot of Londoners were feeling: “Whoever did this deserves a medal!” N.Y. Post, February 20, 2000).
 Time magazine reported on her sentencing in their issue of February 16, 1998
 This defendant’s threats caused a renewed interest in castration as a form of punishment for child molesters. See The Dallas Morning News for a series of articles on the Larry Don McQuade case (1996).
Pedophiles and Child Molesters: The Slaughter of Innocence
If You Suspect
Do not talk yourself out of your own suspicions. Sometimes people will convince themselves that they are not seeing what they are seeing. Feelings of self-denial are often supported by the strong denials of the suspect. These denials will be accompanied by expressions of shock, outrage and even indignation that he could even be suspected of such conduct. He will frequently make partial admissions or comments such as: “I was only bathing her!” or “I was just hugging her, I love her you know?” He will deny that his behavior consisted of any sexual intent. The suspect will sometimes enlist the support of friends and colleagues who will attest to his sincerity and reputation. This pattern is typical especially among preferential child molesters. If you think an adult, friend or relative, is paying an excessive amount of attention on your young child or any child, be cautious. Talk over your suspicions with your spouse or someone you trust. Above all make inquires to your child. You will notice some behavioral changes in a child who is being actively abused. These changes may include:
Any sudden and unexpected change in a child’s traditional behavior.
He or she complains of frequent nightmares.
A new fear of a place where the child has visited before or a new fear of a person that he knows and has been in contact with. Be very suspicious if your child demonstrates this behavior.
A new awareness of sex related words, genitals or drawings of sexual themes.
Aside from psychological changes, look for physical signs of abuse such as anal or genital redness, bleeding or any type of suspicious injury to or near a child’s genitals. But keep in mind that the overwhelming majority of child sex abuse cases do not include a visible physical injury. There can be many reasons that an injury will not occur in a sex abuse case. There may be no force involved, the abuse may not include the child’s genitals or penetration may never have been accomplished. The abuse may be oral or consist of only touching. This is why molesters, when caught, will frequently encourage police to have the victim medically examined. They know there is no visible injury to substantiate the charge. They believe that a medical examination will support their claims of innocence. Never underestimate the cleverness of these people. But the astute investigator knows that the absence of an injury does not settle the matter, nor does it prove conclusively that abuse did not take place.
Remember that children who are being sexually abused are experiencing conflicting and painful emotions that they cannot sort out or understand. But this does not mean the situation can’t be verbalized. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for and the children that recover the best from sexual abuse are the ones whose parents took a proactive response to the situation. We can only do that by arming ourselves with the tools of knowledge and vigilance. It is up to us, the caretakers of children, guardians of their safety and their dreams, to assume control, cast off the ominous shadow of sexual abuse and bring their nightmare to an end.
I can only guess at the heart difficulty you go through to post information like the above for our benefit. Thank you.
As has been touched upon, there are different types of pedophiles, child molesters/rapists. But any who touch children, or have the child touch them, in a sexual manner - are hurting the child.
A friend of mine was at a public swimming pool with several families with children. He was standing in about 3 feet of water, the kids were trying to knock him down, diving underwater to try to take him offguard. He had no children of his own. Other parents were in the water also. One little girl, around 8, kept diving under the water and trying to touch his genitals, while trying to pull his trunks down. He realized what was happening and kept her at bay. Then she tried to kiss his genitals through his trunks. He quickly got out of the water.
He couldn't understand how a young girl could act that way. I told him explicitly how she could, and that he should try to talk to the mother, with his own wife present. He said he'd think about it, but to my knowledge, he never did anything.
Just didn't want to get involved.
:He said he'd think about it, but to my knowledge, he never did anything.What happens when the mother in the natural defence of her daughter accuses the man of being a pedophile. Of course he will be upset that someone could accuse him of that and will deny it adamently. But when you think about this quote from Seven's post:
Just didn't want to get involved.
These denials will be accompanied by expressions of shock, outrage and even indignation that he could even be suspected of such conduct. He will frequently make partial admissions or comments such as: “I was only bathing her!” or “I was just hugging her, I love her you know?” He will deny that his behavior consisted of any sexual intent.or perhaps saying I was only playing with the kids.
Personally I have always enjoyed kids..getting down on my hands and knees playing at their level.. or teaching kids how to toss a football ... playing games that encourage their imaginations... (what can we make a fort with? Okay that box is the stove..what can we use for pots? type of stuff)
When I walked into the Kingdom Hall there would always be at least one child come running up to me screaming "Brother Big John" wanting a hug. I have several "adopted nieces and nephews" that refer to me as Uncle.
Until one Sunday a pioneer sister complained to the elders that perhaps I was a pedophile since I paid attention to these kids despite not having any of my own. Since then I don't hug kids any more without wondering who is thinking I am abusing the child. So often I will not allow hugs to happen. I also hesitate to play any games with them and they will have to learn how to throw a football from someone else.
In 2001, a man is always guilty when accused of such heinous crimes. Even if found innocent (as I was) that cloud never goes away.
I certainly understand the guy in the pool hesitating to raise this with the girl's mom.
Yes and even kids are getting scared from too much warnings. My sister was telling me that at my nephew's school there are many boys who are deathly afraid to get undressed in common change rooms for gym or at the swimming pool. Preferring instead to go into one of the locked toilet cubicles to get changed there. My nephew is one of those kids and has never been abused but is suffering from the paranoia instilled from the constant warnings.
I don't claim to know the right answers but this extreme somehow isn't IMO healthy either.
Excuse me, but I must tell you another side to the subject....
Today my brother called me and apologized for molesting me 30 years ago. He was crying. He sounded very sincere, but then he said he didn't want his wife to know. It would ruin his marriage. Then I began to wonder, what kind of effect does he think it had on my life for a long time? Now I question his sincerity. I want to beleive him. We haven't talked for 13 years. So why did he call.....
Waiting, You know me too well. It was very difficult to post these excerpts. There's some good information there-too good to keep to myself. You always said the more we talk, the harder it is for the offenders to hide. I hope that your friend will someday have a change of heart and talk with the mother of the little girl at the swimming pool. Years tick away so fast while scar tissue builds. :(
Kismet, I don't know what the answer is either, but don't quit caring about children. There are plenty of ways to be involved with young people in a group setting. I'm sorry this happend to you, such a caring person.
RC, Whoaaaaaaa!!! What a day you've had! Please feel free to pour it all out if you can. It's late now, and I can see you're in the chat room. We are all here to listen to whatever you need to discuss. After 13 years, I sincerely hope he has some anwers for you. We'll do whatever we can for you.
I am a third generation survivor of physical and sexual abuse. My brother and step-father being a few of the abusers. I ignored a lot of my feelings and made it into the adult world, and when I was 32 adopted my beautiful daughter DC. My brother had the nerve to say she wasn't really family. So, I disowned him. I didn't look back. My mom gave DC my brothers address. Without my knowing it, she wrote to him. He called me today. I don't think DC knows how much she did with that one letter. I am still working through a lot of the emotion on my own since I have no other family to just sit with and say everything I need to say. I guess bottom line, the org., helped me to suppress so much emotion. It's what Jehovah wants us to do. Forgive and move on. Now I still don't feel anything about the apology and I should. Maybe I'll feel it tomorrow.
I am so thankful for all of you that care and respond to my posts.
I look forward to the future, getting married and getting away from the org. Having a life.
so, that's the beginning of my story.....
Even as a man, I think that I would feel obligated to inform the mother even with the possibility that I may be accused myself. Tact is certainly called for, and even if there is denial on the part of the parent atleast they will have been informed..
RC, Thinking back I realize many of us survivors ignored our feelings, kept them hidden away in order to cope. One thing that helped me was(and still does)is to write my thoughts down in a journal. My journal became my secret friend or substitute sister who helped me through many a dark day. It gave me someone to talk to that I could trust. You can use this forum in that way too. I can't imagine what you're feeling about the apology. I'm fairly certain that I may have reacted in the same way. I wish you peace in your life and in your future. In the meantime, post away. We're here for you.
You are correct in your questions. It's a dangerous thing to be friendly any more - all this political correctness going on. My husband's a dear. A small girl was at a drinking fountain, and the mother was a little thing. Without thinking, he went over, picked the girl up, balanced her on his bent leg for her to get a drink, which she did. Nothing to it.
You should have seen the mother's - and my own - eyes grow wide. I didn't want to hurt my husband's feelings - he was just being nice. But quietly, I suggested (strongly) that he ask/tell the mother in advance what he was going to do next time. He understood, because he's had to live my & my daughter's background for decades. He felt bad because all he wanted to do was help - and he thought the girl was cute in her little dress. So did I, btw.
But, like you, he said all he was doing was trying to help. What a world - but it's not the parents fault. They're just trying to be more careful.
I told him explicitly how she could, and that he should try to talk to the mother, with his own wife present. - waitingI felt that he would need his own wife present to help alleviate the strain of the situation. Of course it would be difficult - but the primary loser after all said and done was the little girl.
When adults remain quiet - the child loses so much.
I understand your questions, Kis. My husband was single until 38, a quiet man, however. I think single men had a hard time being accepted in the WTBTS family units. But I don't believe it's as hard as a single woman and/or mother.