New T-shirt logo: I survived the memorial.........

by expatbrit 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • expatbrit


    But man! It was tough!

    We got there about 7:20. It was held in a school auditorium, since they combined with another cong (to hide the smaller numbers?) We sat on a basketball court! With hoops! LOL.

    As soon as we arrived, the love bombing started. Shake your hand. Stare into your eyes. "How are you? It's lovely to see you!"
    Stare into the eyes. I know what they're thinking: "what the fuck's the matter with you, loser?" When I don't say anything after "hello" they soon bugger off.

    Then the elders approaching. The false joy. "We've missed you." Hearty shake of the hand. One of the bastards even started giving me a massage when I was sitting down, for God's sake!

    Wait for the song. Notice stares from various b & s.

    Then the usual talk. Same shit, different year. A justification of why it's happening tonight and not yesterday, when there was a full moon. The small remnant remaining. Doesn't anyone read the sodding yearbooks?

    Passing the matzah's. Looking around, wondering "am I alone here? Is anyone else feeling what I'm feeling?"

    Passing the merlot. Watching the proud parents making sure their kid's touch the glass. The poor kid's! Another generation of victims. Damn those Brooklyn bastards!

    The usual conversion sales drive. "Faith without works..... Do you appreciate...blah, blah..."

    At last, it's over. An MS rather amusingly saying "I'll say bye now in case I don't see you again." If only he knew!

    Conscious of an elder following me with his eyes as we leave the auditorium.

    Conscious of my wife. My lovely wife. She's sad. Sad because she thinks I'm going to die at armageddon. I love her so much, but I have to see her controlled by a cult. Desperate to talk to her, tell her all I know, but I can't because I'll lose her.

    There. Rant finished. Sorry.


  • COMF
    Desperate to talk to her, tell her all I know, but I can't because I'll lose her.

    I understand. I have a son in.

    I maintain my relationship with my son. I work at it. I get out of the way of confrontational discussions. I make opportunities for one-on-one bonding. I encourage him to join me in associating with other members of his family who are not JW.

    We do what we can, Brit, and we hope for the day when all our family is free as we are.


  • Scorpion

    Thanks for posting your experience expatbrit. It sounds like it was tough. Hang in there!

  • TR

    I feel for ya, man. Makes me kind of glad my Catholic wife didn't know what I know now when I didn't know the truth about the truth. Does that make sense? My wife thought I was controlled too, when I was a JW. Somehow there's got to be a way to slip her some comforting thoughts about not being a JW.


  • Simon

    hang in there expatbrit

    My wife was very upset when I 'left' but she eventually realised things for herself and is now glad that I didn't give up with her.

  • NikL

    Hey expatbrit,
    I was gonna share my wonderful experiences about attending but you took the words out of my mouth.
    It's amazing the ability these people develop to be able to listen to and present the same old BS and act like it is just so new and interesting.
    On a lighter note...the dude giving the talk tripped over a mike cord and almost fell flat on his ass before the whole ordeal began.
    One stat he threw out during the talk is that there is only one annointed per 17,000 of the "other sheep". Not sure what it means but numbers are ionteresting I think. He also talked about how close the end it too. He said "I didn't think it would make it this long but it is very close now". LOL Whatever!
    Anyway, I went to be with my wife too and like yours she thinks I am buzzard food after armageddon.
    It sucks to be married to a wonderful woman and to have that acting as a wedge between us. As if keeping a marriage together isn't hard enough.
    Take care my friend and take comfor in knowing that you are not alone.

  • CornerStone

    Hello Expatbrit,

    Surprisingly, I found it rather easy this time. I did not feel the usuall strong emotions that I usually feel at this "most important time" of the year. I guess it is because I really feel sorry for these people baseing their hopes on committee created beliefs.

    When the bread and wine passed by I just wiped my hand on my pants leg as a show( however small ), of my involvement here tonight.

    As you pointed out same old same old on the lunar dates and number of the remenant, nothing new except stronger instruction on who "partakes" and who does not.

    One interesting note; the definition of the word "is". The speaker remarked on how the Catholic Bible and Jeruselem Bible translates where Jesus said "This IS my body" but the NWT translates it "This MEANS my body" Matt: 26-26, thus trashing Catholics "transsubstanciation" ( I think that's the word ). I think President Clinton and the WTS translation team can compare notes. ( I just had to say that but I like President Clinton).

    Any way, my wife thanked me for the evening and for attending the memorial, so that at least was worth my involvement. Now I have to go and prepare for next years memorial with many prayers asking God for forgiveness for attending, ( mabey? ).

    Sorry you had to deal with bad feelings. A lot on this board, I'm sure, know how you feel.


  • dmouse

    LOL! I know exactly how you feel. What is it about JWs? What is it with all this 'we missed you' crap? Why don't they come round and visit us then? What they really mean is 'come back, we need the numbers, and it makes us feel good that we are not the only ones suckered but too afraid to admit it'.

    You get the feeling that they want to try and convert you again but don't want to spook you by going in too early. Strangely enough, JWs and Ex Jws are very similar in this regard. We hold back on what we say in favour of the softly softly approach (at least I do, probably because I have family still in).

    Hi! to TR. I used to frequent your board when you had one, I think I was your first poster - used to be called DM then I think.


  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Ex Pat,
    Thanks for describing exactly how I would have felt if I had gone. Sorry you had to go through that!

  • dedalus

    Expatbrit, NikL, & others with JW wives,

    It sucks to be married to a wonderful woman and to have that acting as a wedge between us. As if keeping a marriage together isn't hard enough.

    I just wanted to say that my mother was the most zealous JW I knew -- she would insist that nothing would ever take her away from "Jehovah's organization." She was a pioneer for years; she was used in convention parts, meeting parts; she read each magazine faithfully. Our family was even used in an Awake article, with several quotes from Mom cited in the text.

    And then one day her JW world crumbled -- while in field service she was in a car accident, more scared than hurt, and this led to an epiphany: she was living a fake life, serving something she didn't believe in and hadn't believed in for years.

    Within a year she was inactive. Looking back now, she can say that she always had doubts about what she was doing, especially after the 1995 "generation" change.

    I guess I'm just telling you guys to hang in there. I think Nietzsche said something to the effect that those who proclaim their faith loudly hold it weakly. It could be that your wives harbor doubts they dare not reveal. It could be a matter of time until they crack.


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