Recovering from shunning

by Elsewhere 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  MegaDude

  Else,

  This is what has helped me.

  1. Come to the conclusion that my loved ones are lost, perhaps forever.

  2. Realized after several attempts that exposure of the Watchtower's erroneous policies or doctrines makes no difference to JW family members that shun me. They do not have the emotional or mental capacity at this time to overcome JW mind control. Nor is their love for me enough for them to question the Watchtower or investigate the possibility that it may be a cult and not God's one true organization.

  3. That I will probably miss these loved ones until the day I die.

  4. That I wish to heal from these severed relationships and move on with my life and be happy, successful, and make other friends.

  5. That my constant reaching out to JW family members that shun and being constantly rejected elicits strong negative emotions that bring on depression and negative feelings that last a long time.

  6. That I will not contact my JW relatives unless absolutely necessary.

  7. That I will let go of these JW relatives permanently and move on with my life. But will welcome them back should they ever choose to re-establish contact.

  8. That in time, the pain of losing these relationships will heal. I will meet other people who will be as close to me as family and will be a source of love and support in my life.

  Edited by - megadude on 12 December 2002 17:0:56
• 

  ThiChi

  I know were you are coming from and I deal with my feelings about it every day. Understanding , IMHO, is the key. I tell myself that they are at an institutional belief level that I no longer can share. Some times I think about going back just to be able to see and talk (more openly) to loved ones. However, I just could not stomach it.

  Would you be angry or hurt at a person because they were wearing poorer looking clothes than yours? Then why be angry or hurt if they exhibit poor mental habits?
• 

  roybatty

  3. That I will probably miss these loved ones until the day I die.

  I don't know what scares me more, that I'll miss them until the day I die or that one day I won't miss them at all.
• 

  LyinEyes

  (((((((((((((((((((( big group hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  My heart truly breaks for us all. But we have each other,,,,,,,, and that is alot.

  Mega I have come to the conclusion also, that I may never see my dad alive again. I may not get to say goodbye to him . I may never get to tell him all the things I want to. I may never know if he knew how much I loved him. I will never know if he still loves me , somewhere deep in his heart.

  See Eleswhere,,,,,,,,,,,,, even if we are brave and say it doesnt bother us that much........ it really does, always will, and we might even shed a few tears on these rainy days like today.

  "Is it raining at your house",,,,,,,, Vern Gosdin............. I think listening to this doesnt help ..lol...... good ole crying song..............

  But hey,,,,,,,,,,,, at least we feel, we are not JW robots,,,,,,,,,,we accept the tears , the loss , and I think that makes us better people for it. Darn wish it didnt hurt so bad thou.........Dede
• 

  Utopian_Raindrops

  (((((((hugs)))))) dede and everyone!! I can not believe how so many have been so hurt unjustly in the name of GOD! (((((((hugs)))))) dede you always seem to touch my heart 
• 

  Guest 77

  Make a personal resolve and do the things that you enjoy doing or wanted to do when you were a witness. You've done your part in being a caring and understanding person.

  When making all golf shots, you must be committed to the execution, otherwise, you will fall short of your intended purpose.

  Guest 77
• 

  Elsewhere

  When my grandfather died i found out that at one time he had another family. Another wife... another child. He had divorced her before marrying my grandmother.

  It came to light because his other son had to be involved in distributing the assets. After he was located, the family sent and asked him to sign a document that stated that he gives up all rights to any inheritance. He did as they requested and disappeared again.

  When I learned about him, it hit me like a ton of bricks... I have relatives that I had never even known existed.... they were covered over and forgotten... a family secret.

  I hate the thought of becoming that lost and forgotten secret.
• 

  MegaDude

  Well, I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your JW family before you left the organization. In my case, my JW brother has told me that he misses me terribly. I know my mother does also. But it still leaves me in the same place as you.

  Perhaps your family is anguished over you leaving the JWs and the fact they feel they have to be loyal to Jehovah and shun you. I shunned people, including friends and family, when I was a good little Dub. I hated doing it and it pained me, but I thought it was the right thing to do. Maybe your family feels the same way?

  It may feel like you're fogotten when you're really not.
• 

  RandomTask

  ((((( Elsewhere )))))

  first off, let me just say how sorry I am that your family treats you this way. It is despicable and indicative of the true evil of this organization.

  I think that therapy is always a good idea in situations such as these. It helps to have a professioal to talk toand work through these issues. I think the ulimate goal, even though you said you don't want it, is to come to terms and be at peace with your situation. You have to bear in mind the lock that their religion has on their minds and this effects their actions toward you. Hopefully things will get better, but if they do not it is out of yur control and thats what you have to be at peace with. It also helps to have friends and I hope that this board and others that you know help in that regard. Its very theraputic to come here and read the experiences of those who have lived through the same things that we have.

  I sincerely hope that things get better between you and your family Elsewhere.
• 

  Elsewhere

  If I disappear into my own life without them... I will be foregotten. Just like the uncle I never knew I had.

  In my mind he is just an abstract thought... someone out there... Not a "real" person.

  As the next generation is born they will not be told about me, just as I was not told about my uncle.

  Sometimes I think I would like to hang myself in my parent's garage while they are at one of their meetings. I would want them to find me right after being at the Kingdom Hall. But even then, in their minds, they will have still "won"... they will just think, "This is good... now I know he will be resurected in paradise.".