I have been lurking around here for a little while and have read just about all the folders in mostly the "friends" category and seems like if I were to tell my story it would be ...yawn....boring. I have read and almost cried (okay, so, I did really cry)during and after reading some of the stories of the your lives as JW's...I have laughed at most of the stories about stuff that goes on in the KH's (been there....and could relate or at least imagine). Then I think about my own pathetic entrance, exit, entrance, exit from the organization and it (mine) seems so hum-drum. Regardless, I just want to say that it is really neat to find a site that tells it like it is.
See, once you are "out" you are OUT! And funny until now, I never knew that there were people that felt or thought or went through the same stupid stuff I went through. I grew up with four brothers (we fought all the time...like brothers and sisters do (in dysfunctional families....of course) and my mom referred to us as Satan's children because we would actually fight with each other to the point of rolling out the front door into the front yard...(kids!), not to mention this was during the "Fear and Loathing 70's" when we were pressured to get babtized at an early age regardless of understanding...we were subliminally encouraged to get married at a young age to avoid the sins of "dating"...at least that is how I saw it, because back then (around '74-75 it seemed like 17 yr olds were getting married).
I got baptized at 15 (I think) and had no idea what it was about other than thinking it "might"save me (or make me more attractive to the older baptized brothers... WRONG!...thank GOD now). 15 is NOT a good age to do any sort of committing! Oh well. At home we were disgusting and treated each other horribly, except for on Thursdays and Sundays and of course on those dreaded saturday of "field service" (forgot to mention the Tuesday night "book" study too). Oh how I wished I could sleep in and be a normal kid and watch cartoons or whatever kids did then....nooooo. Had to go "Knock-knock...slam, slam". We put on our pretty crappy clothes for the Kingdom Hall (you remember the 70's...ugggh) I had to wear hand me-downs from the 50's...it sucked (we were poor). Like one the young lady in a thread I read said and I feel the same, my childhood is a blank...I can't remember being a kid (not to mention I was also a survivor of the secret..."in-house" molestation, that I was to be made felt responsible for). I only remember the "rules" if I wanted Eternal life. They didn't include anything remotely fun. And if anyone thinks CONG picnics were fun...you are nuts unless you were the ones in the bushes making out with someone! But since we lived in Arizona it wasn't really possible to hide in the bushes...we couldn't hide!
I am really rambling, because I only wanted to say that I like this place. I look forward each day to getting on line and reading posts (loved all the pictures too). I am too chicken to write most of the time because I feel that I cannot compare to the stories here, nor really do I want to, I guess it just makes me feel good to know that I have not been alone all these years in my guilt....and finally am coming out of it. I smoke, drink, cuss and sometimes run for long distances or just pack up my dog and drive to New Mexico where I feel closer to something I have never felt close to in all my life....ME (did I refer to myself as a thing?). And as Martha would say, "That's a good thing". Me, I am a good THING. YOU ALL ARE GOOD THINGS TOO! THANKS.