I personally wouldn't want to go "the whole mile" in going back. However, a few years ago I had gone to my home Congregation for the Memorial. I wanted to prove to myself that I could walk in without feeling condemned and wanted to show others that far from my life falling apart, I was actually doing quite well. When I first entered, only one person, a dear Sister, recognized me. I'd lost a lot of weight through good eating habits and exercise. My facial appearance had really changed since my bone structure became much more visible. She'd recognized me because I saw her after I'd lost the weight and just before I sent in my letter of disassociation. There were some non-baptized friends of mine present, including her grandson, whom I could talk with [they were there only because of their JW family]. But, of course my voice hadn't changed. So, by speaking in a normal voice, people around me quickly recognized who I was. It was kind of fun, talking out loud with my friends about "worldly" things knowing that the JWs within ear-shot couldn't respond! I still remember how you could've heard a pin drop when my friend asked me if I'd gone to some clubs that he'd been to and I responded "No, I haven't been to those. I pretty much go to the gay clubs." A sister was sitting several rows ahead of us and turned with an "if looks could kill" glowering stare. I smiled broadly to her to show that her actions had no affect on me. This was the same sister who'd had three children from different mates, always prior to marriage with resulting disfellowshippings and the revolving door reinstatements. Her current husband [I think it was her fourth], whom my niece really had liked, looked like the weight of the world was resting on him. He was unshaven, dressed in casual slacks and a plaid shirt, and looked very depressed. All that from a Brother who only 5 years earlier was an up-and-coming JW, dressed and groomed squeaky-clean.
A friend of mine had also gone to the same year's Memorial, but to a Congregation that he'd never been part of. When we had recounted our experiences, 6 others from a local ex-JW support group wanted to do the same at the following year's Memorial. So, my friend and I went with them for support. Eight of us arrived at varied times at the Kingdom Hall. There were 4 men, 4 women, 4 of us were straight, 4 of us were gay. Some of us had drifted away, some had been disfellowshipped, and some had disassociated. The 6 went primarily for closure, that is, to close the door behind. We sat in various places in the Kingdom Hall. Boring, boring, boring Memorial Talk. Three of our group partook of the emblems, some talked with JWs afterwards. All in all, it was a hoot that we had successfully infiltrated and that they hadn't a clue. So, yes, it can easily be done. The JWs want people who've left to feel self-condemned and if they ever attend, to do so basically with a heads-down, "tail between the legs" type approach. If you walk in with a confident attitude and don't buy into their BS, you can successfully carry it off.
But, for me, to go back for a study, jeesh, I wouldn't want to submit myself to the mind-numbing torture.
John W Wirtanen