My first real SHUN

by new boy 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Marcos

  Hey New Boy,

  Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I stopped caring what they think a long time ago.

  When I returned from Bethel in 1972 it was a short time until whatever the Society said about me affected my entire family. They started by setting my little brother up as a spy to see if my dad was smoking. One of the "servants", an ex-bethelite decided to push my little brother for baptism and so used this "study" to pump him for info on my dad. My brother was about 15 or so, and very loving. A really great kid with a lot of personality.

  The committee, including one brother who currently smoked, df'd my dad. All they had to do was ask my dad if he was smoking and he would have told them. No need for intrigue. My little bro felt like such a rat that he was physically sick for days and finally went on to become a real druggie. I think he is still an user. He is now cold, hard and pretty cruel.

  Same basic story for my other brother. He's cleaned up and lives a pretty good life now.

  As for my mom, I don't think they did much more than ruin her family. She didn't have any use for the loosers that tried to run our lives. I don't think they ever df'd her. Probably because she TOLD them to go ahead and do it.

  Me, I never felt so free as the day I decided I would not ever go to any meetings again and refused to even deal with the witnesses. I have refused to recognize them as any sort of authority in my life for decades.

  There were (and are) many people trapped in the WT that I truly loved and still do. I pray for them and hope that they will come out. But I am not much interested in what they think of me at this time.

  Write to me when you can. I still look forward to talking with you. I do know how being rejected can really make you feel down. It WILL get better.

  Marcos Benitez Valle

  (Dave Parks)
• 

  Iwasyoungonce

  Newboy.

  It's not right. It's not your fault and your friend or ex friend is small to act that way. I have a few thoughts and a few experiences of my own to share.

  Have you read the story that Bill Bowen has posted in many places. (So sad.) I really to feel for him. But, when he was an elder would he have hesitated to push that kind of persecution or pettyness? (however you see it.) My point is think of the growing that anyone who comes to see what petty hurt is inflicted by that act. My mother in law once said that she can not see why in the world I will not become a JW. I told her how I could never hurt people the way that they do on the flip of a dime. It goes against everything that I am and everything I believe. Her response was well then you would not get babtized. Meaning that I do not have the balls to be that cruel for their god. But the truth is I refuse to be spiritually casterated just to have the affection of people who can not love anyone without permission.

  I think that the key is to adopt the people that are ruined by relgion as a part of your own family. Thus is my story.

  I have a friend or and ex friend who seems to have found a version of jesus, god, truth, relgion or something. He never even told me what doctrine or belifes he held. He just turned into one mean S.O.B. He started screaming and swearing at everyone in site. Beating his dog and picking fights with life long friends and family then writing them off. I have no contact with him now. His kids and mine are the same age. He was the best man at my wedding and I at his. About a year ago I saw him at a local grocery store. He spotted me and stuck his nose in the air and walked by as if I did not even exist. He was red in the face as he did it. I could feel the hate. He will not speak to his family. His mother has never seen her little granddaughter. So my wife and I consider his parents family. They will be having thanksgiving with us. What more can I do? This guy has became such a well, Farkel has a word that is quite fitting. Quite frankly life is better without him. And I assume that most of us that have ex jw(menaing active) friends that we are better off without. Less we may become more like them. Hurtful people. I don't want to be like that. In fact the feeling that I have for jw's. I don't even want that. I on one hand feel sorry for them. And on the other hand I will never shed another tear because of the mean spirit that they wish to give me. If a jw or in my case any religous "bitch" want to avoid me, they are probably doing us both a favor. I want to persue real relationships with real people. Life is to short for the dogma games. Real life for Real Faith is so much more filling.

  Newboy thanks for your story. Maybe one day I or some other me will get to buy you that meal your friend should have had with you. I look forward to it.
• 

  PurpleV

  But the truth is I refuse to be spiritually casterated just to have the affection of people who can not love anyone without permission.

  Wow. What a great statement. May I post this on another exjw board?
• 

  gumby

  He pulled up and got out of his car, started walking to the same restaurant. He looked at me, are eyes locked. He turned around got back in his car and drove away

  That was your big slap in the face from him! They feel exonererated when they do this....loyal to God and the organisation. Funny how they can go from friend to enemy. That is true genuine brainwashing to the finest degree.Rather than feel hurt they feel mad.

  That's OK. They are the one with the problem.....not you. You would talk and discuss things in a heartbeat with them and you would be friendly. They are the ones who bwcome rude and incensitive. They would have you feel it is YOUR fault.

  Hang in there,

  Wish you the best,

  Gumby
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  It will get eaiser darlin! I use to get so mad, but I realized that it's hard for them too. They really believe what they are doing is right. I never done it. I grew up in the org, but I never felt it was right. A friend of mine that was having a lot of problems was d.f.ed. She would sit in the back of the hall and no one would acknowledge her. Everytime I saw her, I would wink, smile and say hi and squeeze her arm. If I see someone that I care about, I'm going to at least acknowledge them. I wasn't going to let that rule change who I was. Now when I see my j.w. family, I smile, say hi and hug their neck. I rarely see them, but when I do, I'm not going to let their rules change who I am. To me, I just handle it better if I have that kind of attitude with my situation.

  Hang in there!
• 

  rwagoner

  Ok here I am again...the jerk.

  When they try to pull the holyier than thou stuff on me and I turn the tables. I don't feel bad about being out of the ORG so why should I let them make me feel bad or uncomfortable.

  I (loudly and with much dramatic flare) acknowledge them !!!

  "Hey !! How've you been ? How's the family ? Still peddling those magazines for that cult ?"

  Make them feel uncomfortable !! But thats just me

  RGW
• 

  Inquiry

  Hey Newboy....

  I know shunning feels strange and it can be painful ... I try to see it as their collective "illness" and I refuse to catch it...In my area... I live in a small town, the dub yokles were/still are pretty funny.... most people in town know me and they know my story... they saw me on television... many of them applauded my efforts....after my very public disassociation, I was in a grocery store with my "worldly friend" and a dub family made quite a spectacle of themselves following me around the store... it was hilarious!!!! My friend couldn't believe it.... they followed me aisle by aisle, watching what I bought, tch, tching, and shaking their heads, they had quite a few people watching them because they really were making a scene... they looked really stupid... an older sister... one who didn't realize I had disassociated came up and talked with me... you should've seen their faces... the older sister was very nice, but she was ambushed by the dubs in the next aisle and man, did they give her shit! The poor woman... who is really a sweet person.... spent about 10 minutes trying to placate these people.. my friend and I stood in the next aisle listening... my friend.. who is not afraid to make a scene yelled out... "Oh, that's just awful... now they're going to terrorize this woman for talking with you?" They shut up awfully fast...

  It's been a few years and some dubs still talk to me... they can be pretty brazen about it too, right out in public... some talk to me secretly... and their kids seem to come to me whenever they are in some kind of trouble... Whenever a dub, even the ones I was close to, tries to give me the cold shoulder, I just look at them like the jerks they are, shake my head and giggle... most people know who they are too, and they "get it"... some of them start giggling too... it's a great way to let them know that I am just fine... my life works great without them, and no, I'm not cursed by God...

  Now that we're well into the "new century", you know, the one that we weren't supposed to see in this old system... I can see some of them give me questioning looks... it's like they want to talk but they're afraid... I had to be strong to knowingly act and face the consequence of losing all of my friends...and I took all that the WT handed out...they handed out quite a bit... So I figure the dubs, so good at dishing it out, should be good at eating humble pie when they figure out they've been decieved and have tortured those who have come to their senses.

  Stay strong newboy... chin up and shoulders straight... you're on the right side of the issue... and even though it can be painful and downright stupid to be shunned, it's a badge of honour... wear it proudly....

  take good care

  Inq :)
• 

  mouthy

  When I was at the court a few months ago.When Vickie Boer who is suing the Wt. Glen Howe the WT lawyer who received the Order of Canada.Came into the court room. with a bevy of followers.

  He stopped & shook my hand....( I am DF) we chatted a bit.I told him what ever he did -speak the truth- he said " Yes Jehovahs the one that counts right- Anyway I am not disfewllowshipped YET!!!"

  Well the YET threw me -so I felt he must have doubts. So I gave him my card.It says on my card I am helping Jehovahs Wit: who have been DF ..... Which he took....

  The next morning he walked in the courtroom with a bigger bevy of followers stood at the door -made a disgusting face at me & threw the card at me!!!

  Another time when I was visiting my daughter in Montreal ( JW) I had just read "The Orwellian Mind of JW" I was still in the "lie". Her ,I ,And another JW daughter. was discussing it....When my other daughter expressed the fact we should be able to read what we want .the Montreal daughter threw us both out!!!! It was 1.30 in the morning- we were supposed to be staying there the night..We couldnt get a room at any hotel. ( there was a special thing going on in Montreal) So we had to drive ALL night to where we live Ontario- I had JUST learned to drive ( 58 yrs old at that time) IU had to take my turn driving on the highway------ Needless to say!!!! I prayed!!!!Of course I was DF later & she didnt speak for 10 yrs. then when another of my girls was dying . she came to help- then she didnt speak for 3 years, This year she came for a week- but after Aug Kingdom Ministry she has said NO MORE are we talking.... You get used to it after awhile honey----
• 

  Iwasyoungonce

  PurpleV, GO right ahead.

  Rwagoner, you are not a not a jerk.
• 

  new boy

  Hay

  I sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I wasn't upset, I was getting ready to wave to the Guy. I think Its funny, I forgot all about it until I saw him.

  I guess I was more surprised then anything.

  I know one thing, there is alot of people out there who have terrible things happen to them by the "dubs" How about the guy In Mcminville Or. who killed his hole family then took his own life.

  What happen to me wasn't shit.