Ever since Adam, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
AIM: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed.........................................................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..............................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex....-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pant liners with wings......+5
...in the snow.................................................................+8
...but return with beer.......................................................-5
...and no liners..............................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something......+5
You pummel it with a six iron........................................+10
It's her cat....................................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening............................................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking pal...-2
...named Tiffany................................................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer............................................................................-10
...with breast implants......................................................................-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday...................................... 0
You buy a card and flowers...................................... 0
You take her out to dinner........................................ 0
...and it's not a sports bar........................................+1
Ok, it is a sports bar................................................-2
...and it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-3
...and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team..-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate....................................................... 0
The mate is happily married.....................................+1
The mate is single...................................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.................................................-10
...with a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED).....-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film.......................................+2
You take her to a see a film she likes.........................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.........................+6
You take her to a see a film you like...........................-2
It's called Death Cop III..............................................-3
...featuring Cyborgs that eat humans..........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................................................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.........................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...........................................................-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.........................-10
You reply, "Where?"..................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your arse".........-100
Any other response...................................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.......................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes............................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.... +50
Your mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying well,
what do you think I should do?".........................................-100
You have fallen asleep......................................................-200
.
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk...................................................-100
You don't talk............................................-150
You spend time with her............................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....GAME OVER - YOU LOSE