1... Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.
2....A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
3... Eat well, stay fit--die anyway.
4....No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
5....If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
6....Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
7....Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
8... My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
9... If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
10.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to
a garage makes you a mechanic.
11.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
12.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
13.. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
14.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
15.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
16.. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
17.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
18..A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
19.. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
20.. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
21.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
22.. Experience is a wonderful thing - it enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
23.. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
24.. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when
I'm in the bathroom.