Need Help! JW Grandmother (may be) Going to Court for Visitation

by Expanded-Mind 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  Expanded-Mind

  I am hoping someone may be able to give me some guidance on behalf of my son. My ex-wife, who remains a JW, is threatening to go to court to get visitation with our 5 year old grandchild. She had regular visits with our grandchild, but when my son (no longer a JW) and his wife (never a JW) found out that his mother was teaching their daughter the JW religion without their permission and even telling our grandchild NOT to tell their parents... well to say the least, that was a game-changer. Up until then she was seeing our grandchild regularly and then my son and his wife told her that she could only see our grandchild if one of them were present (supervised).

  His mother claims she has talked to a lawyer and is going to go to court to get unsupervised visitation, once a week and overnight!

  We all live in the Chicago suburbs. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions as to what course of action my son should take? I have emailed a group found as a link on Barbara Anderson's website called: Expert Custody Consultants and am waiting to (hopefully) hear back from them. My son and his wife do not have the finances for a custody battle, but I don't know if there are lawyers that will work with family's and take into consideration their finances.

  I apologize if this is a bit rambling.... any help or suggestions anyone can provide will be gratefully received.

  Best,

  ExpandedMind
  
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  HBH

  I'm no expert, but it is my understanding that grandparents have no rights to visitation in the US if the parents are functional and don't want it.

  HBH
  
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  Splash

  Tell her that if she tries this and fails then she will never again get to see them.
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  carla

  Maybe this place would be of help? (if it's not the same place you already have)
  

  
  http://jwchildcustody.com/
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  Saintbertholdt

  My 2 cent prognostication,

  Well I would ask your ex-wife what she thought would happen if the court found out that she was using her visitation rights primarily for religious instruction in a faith contrary to the child's upbringing? This is based on the information that has already been related by your grandchild that this was the case.

  Why don't you suggest keeping this out of the courts and giving your ex supervised visitation to start with, and if she plays ball and when a trust relationship has been established over some months, she might be allowed to re-establish sleep overs etc. on the proviso that faith based discussions are off limits. If the trust is violated after this agreement she then will have to go to court.

  If she really loves your grandchild enough she would probably agree to the idea.
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  Expanded-Mind

  HBH ---. thanks! That's what I understand also, but it appears that if someone (my ex) wants to waste money and go to court, I guess --- sadly --- they have the freedom to do so.

  Splash --- thanks for your post! Sadly, this appear to be what is going to happen.

  Carla --- Thank you! I sent an email to this group and sent the link to my son! I appreciate it! (It appears to be different from the other one).

  Saintbertholdt --- this is pretty much what my son and his wife tried to do, hoping to build their trust in her over time, but she kept testing them. It required them to (again) deny visitation for a while. They asked if they could talk to her, but she refused (as if SHE were the custodial parent!) and said she wants 'this and that' and if they don't give it to her she's going to court. Apparently no peaceful way to talk to her. Thanks for your input!
  
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  rebel8

  I have no advice, but wish you well in your efforts to protect this child from a dangerous cult and family-splitting behaviors.
  
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  LisaRose

  It's her own fault that she tried to brainwash the child, she is probably just trying to deflect attention away from her own actions by bluffing about a lawyer. It's very, very unlikely the court will award visitation against a parents wishes, and certainly not in this scenario. A few have tried, but not many suceed. If she wants to waste money on lawyers, well then you will have to hire one as well, but I think after she cools down and actually visits a lawyer she will think twice about spending thousands of dollars with little chance she will win.
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  Crazyguy

  Not to worry she won't have a chance, grandparents have very little power with this kind of thing.
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  problemaddict 2

  The advise given already is helpful. In short, I would say the best way to handle this is to be very direct with their mother as to why they require one of them be present. Try to keep it civil.

  Let her know that they will not allow her to indoctrinate their child with watchtower teachings, and they have a right in raising their child to make that request. If she will not abide by it, then she isn't welcome. They don't want that, hate it has come to that, but there it is. She is NOT going to be able to get unsupervised visitation. they do NOT need a lawyer for this. I would have them call her directly and speak to her kindly.

  If she insists it is her right to indoctrinate them and see the child unsupervised, they should make a note of her exact language and let her know if she pursues this, then she will be ending the relationship. All she has to do, is stop talking shop. If she refuses, cut her off.