Headlines from 2035

by JeffT 4 Replies latest social humour

  • JeffT
    JeffT

    Ozone created by electric cars are killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world

    California White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally----Scientists stumped.

    Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sothbys' for $ 4.6 million.

    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Terrority of of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,Syria & Lebanon.). Iraq still closed off ; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z Bush says he will run for president in 2036.

    Postal Services raises the price of a first class stamp to $ 17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

    35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Massachusetts executes the last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights..

    Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows, so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

    New Federal law requires all nail clippers, screwdrivers,fly swatters and rolled up newspapers be registered by January 2036.

    Congress authorizes direct deposits of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

    Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75% .

    Harvey Pitt remains SEC chairman despite criminal indictment over Enron.

    And Jeff's addition:

    Watchtower Society predicts end of world "soon."

  • jack2
    jack2

    Some good ones here JeffT .

  • Celia
    Celia

    Some of these are really scary !

  • LB
    LB

    JW's Proclaim The End is Near

  • LuckyLucy
    LuckyLucy

    Someone started this thread sometime back..here were my predictions.

    The last 5 remaining cult members of the Jehovah's Witnesses ,claim that armaggedon will happen in the year 2037.

    There was a riot at the WatchTower Bible and Tract Penitentary(It houses 5,000 child molesters of the almost extinct Jehovah Witness cult)Apparently an inmate accused another inmate for putting a smurf doll in his bed.There were no serious injuries and the inmates will continue their chain gang duties which include cleaning sewers by hand with millstones around their necks.

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