Step down from privileges and what? FADE?

by Alligator Wisdom 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Alligator Wisdom
    Alligator Wisdom

    I was raised and am currently a JW (detailed within my personal profile). However, yesterday I turned in my letter of stepping down as Ministerial Servant. Yesterday I just joined the board and I'm glad to be here. This is my first post. Also in this forum, I participated for the first time "chatting live". This type of exploration and searching is strictly prohibited by the WT Society . Now I can see why. There are so many "eye-opening" revelations that the WT organization wants to keep hidden. Right now I'm looking to "widen out" [in JW lingo] (2Corinthians 6:13). I need answers to my confusion. I can't continue marching in this parade anymore. I grew up in fear of Jehovah. How can I love God entirely (Mark 12:30)? I don't know how nor was I ever taught how to. It just so happens to be that this year's text which is posted in every Kingdom Hall in the world displays what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30 to "Come....and I will refresh you". Well, I never learned how to do that also. My salvation all depended upon "works". You know, "faith w/o works is dead" (James 2:26). [Sorry for all the NWT quotes. That's the only Bible I know.] I'm tired of all this hocus-pocus. What I did was never enough. It was always inculcated in me to "exert yourself vigorously" (Luke 13:24). I had suffered from burn-out innumerable times . I'm glad for never accepting any appointment to become an elder. My conscience had always pushed me to decline. I'm glad I didn't give in. I could never, with a clean conscience, take the lead in encouraging people to serve the god I know. But you know what kind of heat I got for always declining? The elder body always pushed for a SCRIPTURAL REASON each time that I would decline. I was in good standing and had done much in my prefunctory service to Jehovah, so it was basically expected of me. I was almost forced to "reach out for the office of overseer" (1Timothy 3:1). want a SCRIPTURAL REASON, huh? Well, do you know what I told them? NO! MATTHEW 5:37!! ("yes mean yes and no, no"). That stopped that harassment!

    My next plan is now to do a "Submarine Witness" and submerge. But how can I do so without tripping up the DA or DF wire? I now see that what I've been learning about the organization and all this hairball of a life that I've been living has taken it's toll on me. I'm disappointed that I had given up so many opportunities in my life to better myself instead of just keeping straight within the WTBTS's line. Now I'm disillusioned about many things . I know that there MUST be a God. I just need to learn how to "draw close" to him (James 4:8). Being in the WT organization hasn't helped me any in that respect. My wife is a 1st generation JW and is a regular pioneer. I am fortunate (I can't use the word "lucky", remember?) that she is quite understanding and realizes my dilemma. She feels that I have the right to feel the way I do.

    I'm open for your suggestions and thoughts.

    May you all have "peace" in your lives everyday (John 14:27). That is my quest!

    Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother Exerting Vigorously )

    Edited by - alligator wisdom on 31 October 2002 0:32:6

    Edited by - alligator wisdom on 31 October 2002 2:37:35

    Edited by - alligator wisdom on 31 October 2002 20:53:43

  • LyinEyes

    Welcome Alligator. A year ago my hub and I were in the same place, trying to fade, it was hard beign he was still an elder. So he stepped down due to work he said, which was part of the real truth to it. In time , they tried a few times to come by the house but not much,, oh that love you know.

    We d/a ourselves a few months back, and it was time.

    I would just tell you to take your own sweet time in doing what YOU want to do. You don't owe the JW's any explanations. It may be hard with your wife thou, but maybe you can learn more andmore about the WT and prove it to her too.

    That is what my husband did with me, he went slow, got the facts and proof and showed it to me. I was angry at first , felt my life was going upside down, but the logic in what he said made me re think everything I had been taught.

    Take your time, learn all you can before you make any big choices, but stepping down will sure help get you off the hook, in having to answer to them for every little thing. They will no longer hold every meeting you miss over your head, for fear you will lose your position.

    Good luck,,,,,, and peace to you and your family. It is not an easy road when you first leave, but it is a road paved with new and fasinating things. My love for Jesus is much stronger now, and I finally after thinking I knew all the answers as a jw, I can accept that I don't know squat. Right now , all I know is that Jesus died for us and if we believe and are the best people we can be,,,,, we will be saved. If there is no God , well,,,,,,, at least I am not wasting my little time on this earth knocking on doors anymore. I am still searching for truth too. I think we all are really.

  • WildHorses

    Hi and welcome,

    I am not d'a or d'f, I just stopped going to meetings and then later moved to another town.(unrelated to jw issues)

    If you want to keep family from shunning you, the slow fade seems to be the best way.

    If you feel you want to try to help you wife out of the religion. Ask the poster named Amazing, I believe he has on his website how he got his family out.


  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Hi AW,

    I'm one of the never-jws, but I wanted to say I'm happy for you - leaving and gaining your freedom like that - so your yes may be yes and your no may be no - not in the sense of gleeing over someone stumbling - quite the opposite - really very heartened that you're ok, and that you'll get better, not 'gooder' but better, relieved.


    Edited by - a paduan on 31 October 2002 0:50:20

  • Downunderandout


    Hi and welcome, I am a Newbie here myself.

    I have and am living the 'faded out' life. I had to move countries to do it and then states within the new country. I decided that I needed to evaluate things by myself, without the input of others, it has taken nearly four years so far and I wish now that I had found a board like this or at least someone (exjw or inactive jw) to speak to as I had this nagging feeling of being in some 'limbo land' - not quite in and not quite out. I experienced a lot of guilt and fear when in this state and chose to do the denial thing, just try to forget about the past, didn't work. I knew that some day I would have to face up to things and I am.

    I feel 'together' like I know what I am about and I have found that many postings here have answered questions I had and gave me encouragement to continue (even though those writing them did not know).

    Take your time, and ask as many questions as you want. Keep asking until you are satisfied that you have got the answer.

    I discovered the fear/power factor that is the strongest tool engaged either by ourselves (though years of self practice as dictated though the WT) or by those who hold the power (Elders, MS, GB etc) to over come, once you do, and it is only by educating yourself that you can, you will feel the biggest relief.

    Remember others only hold power over you if you allow them to.

    Plan, track and accomplish.


  • Beck_Melbourne

    Hi Alligator and welcome to the board also.

    Its interesting to see how the transition from IN and strong, to IN and weak, to not so In, and finally OUT takes place.

    We all do it in our own time, and our own way. Personally, I agree with those who suggest the quiet fade out method. This is by far the easiest as it leaves room for communicating with relatives or friends that are still in. If I could do things differently, I would have left this way, by quietly fading out and moving away like Downunder did. I moved to another country also, but the after effects of my DA letter still affect my relationship with my jw relatives. I really like that "submarine witness" title LOL. My advice, to avoid getting DF or DA, don't say what you REALLY think about the teachings of the WT...just smile and nod at the elders when they call on you. Say the things they want to hear, so long as you avoid a judicial. Just my thoughts and congratulations for finding this place and for posting.

    Downunder: Great post...I look forward to reading more...and when you're feeling brave, maybe your story.


  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    First of all A.W.: Howdy!

    I've never been DF'd nor am I disassociated. I stopped going to meetings in 1989. I haven't moved and I am not shunned (except by my family, which is a rather boring story). It is possible for you to leave the organization and not be shunned. But you must be careful. The Society's own website says that "those who simply leave the organization are not shunned." You might want to print it out and save it for the inevitable elder visit. But the best advice is to simply fade away. Stop going to the meetings. Change your phone number and get caller ID. They'll probably leave you alone until a month or so before the CO's visit. That's when they have to account for any newly inactive/irregular publishers. So you might get a visit then. If so, be vague, speak in generalities but if push comes to shove then wave that print out from the Society's website in their face and tell them you have simply left the faith. No disassociation, you've just left. I doubt they will pursue anything against you, but if so then deal with it then.

    As for your doubts, well join the club. Yes, the reason the Society forbids contact with "apostates" is because there are a great many teachings that are easily exposed. You've taken the first step in joining the rest of the world. But be prepared to feel angry, sad and even bitter over being deceived. Everyone here has felt that way at one time or another since leaving. But to me, that's what I enjoy so much about this forum. For years I thought I was the only one who felt this way (or so my elders told me). But I wasn't. And that knowledge has gone a long way toward healing some old wounds.

    So welcome, jump in with your comments and experiences and don't be afraid to face the real truth.



  • SYN

    Nice one, Alligator. Looking forward to some more posts from your side.

    How's Japan?

    [SYN], Entirely Not Exerting Himself Class.

  • wednesday

    If all your family and friends are JW(and imagine they are) then i would choose the slow fade.Move if u can. Do u have any health problem that could be used as excuse? Do u need to finish schooling

    Learn a trade? If u have a friend u 2 could move together . Feeeling stressed and need vacation-and take one. scout out a new home while u are away.

    Do u need to help your parents more-grandparents?Do have needs and must marry? edited to say LOL that always ask that

    Edited by - wednesday on 31 October 2002 2:48:41

  • ugg

    hi,,,,it is nice to meet you....wish you all the best....

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