It hurts to hear so many stories of families split by this cult. I am sorry for the anguish endured by all of you and can identify. For my wife and me our kids were the center of our lives. We always sacrificed for them, worked extra jobs to get them the extras we wanted them to have, we loved them and still love them with all of our hearts. My daughter had been borrowing our car for the last year and returned it with a smiley card saying thanks, along with that card was the letter telling me she was shunning me. My wife had been looking forward to having both kids back in our home at the same time for months, my son had flown down from CT to be there, we came in from out of state the night before the little party was to take place and picked our son up at the airport on the way. I was so glad he was there as he was able to assure us that we had been good parents, it wasn't our fault. When someone as close as your daughter turns on you it makes you doubt yourself. I will always be grateful to him for the maturity and love he showed us that night and down to this day. After I got past the shock, this is the letter I wrote my daughter whom I had been so close to for so long. I littered the floor with letters before I finally sent this one. I have become much better informed on the Witnesses since I wrote this letter and I am afraid the tone towards them would be more harsh were I to write it today.
This is about the sixth letter I have written you in response to the note you left under my door saying you were going to "make a change in our relationship" or as you said to your mother, the "adjustments" you were making in our relationship. Tammy, you take a lot on your self. You don't get to Change or Adjust our relationship. You are my daughter, no matter how cruelly you behave, and I am your father, no matter if you think me unfit company. I am deeply hurt and am also offended by what you did and by the way you have tried to do it. Notes under the door with smiley faces??? The gall and the selfishness, I can barely swallow when I think of it.
In other letters I took each of your "reasons" and looked at them, and subsequently I realized you hadn't even looked them all up. Ex. 39:30??? I guess you were copying them out of something and just made an error. Anyway, I looked at each of those, they do not justify what you are doing. I may send the answers I gave to Mom and Dad and Fred, I am not sending you that letter.
I have been in or around the Jehovah's Witnesses over 40 years. Disfellowshipping was the ultimate punishment. Handed out to people for adultery and dope and such. Elders always met with the ones to be talked to and had a meeting with them to give them a chance to talk, to show them scripturally where they were wrong, and to give them a chance to repent. No one was ever disfellowshipped for anything they did really, but for not repenting of it. It was always understood that the immediate family would still have contact but not the others in the congregation. If possible they would get public reproof or a reprimand and a warning; only when unrepentant were they cut off from their family and only for serious sins. Elders were chosen, more than one, to make sure of fairness, wisdom and experience. Never have I known of a case where the daughter took it on herself to do what you have tried to do. It is almost unthinkable to inflict disfellowshipping on someone. Yet you rush to do it, without the committee of elders, without confronting anyone with sins, without any chance of avoiding the sentence. Sufficient in your own wisdom, you are judge, jury and executioner. I see now why it is left to elders, and maybe even why no sisters are allowed to do this.
I have done nothing worthy of being cut off from my family. I asked several different elders at different times the questions I asked you after you said that we could be honest with one another. I still love Jehovah God and Jesus Christ. I am not trying to lead anyone astray.
I am going to send a copy of this to Mom and Dad, -----, -----, ----- and anyone else I think of that might be affected by your decision to personally disfellowship me. Tammy, I didn't raise you to be so cold, so self-centered or so arrogant. If I did, then truly, may Jehovah forgive me. If I made you so judgmental I am sorry. You meant to hurt me, I guess, but you fire a shotgun when you tear a family apart. When you cut yourself out of our family, you hurt your mom, Daniel, my mom and dad, everyone that would normally be in our family circle. Did you think of the sleepless night you'd give us? Of how much your mother had looked forward to having all of us in the same house? Of how you might affect my mother and father? I would never treat them as you have treated us. I love them too much. It might behoove you to read Ephesians especially 6:1-3:
Children, be obedient to YOUR parents in union with [the] Lord, for this is righteous: 2 "Honor your father and [your] mother"; which is the first command with a promise: 3 "That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth."
I am sick at heart and tired of trying to write you a letter you probably won't read anyway. You never did say exactly what I did or said that caused this, nor did you explain exactly what you wanted me to do or not do other than underlining the part in 2 John that says, "Never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him." I guess it is still ok for me to pay for the dryer isn't it? You will still accept gifts right??? I haven't paid a dime on it yet but I will if it won't bother your conscience. Let me know, ok? It isn't the $600.00 dollars, it is the principle of your not speaking to me while I charge the dryer to my credit card that bothers me.
The last letter I wrote you before leaving to come home and find that you had tried to "Adjust our Relationship" had this in the last couple of paragraphs:
"I don't mind talking about all of this Tammy, we probably should talk about something so important, but I don't want to risk our relationship. Sadly, if you find an error in the Society you may hold it against me and not them and rather than see the error you might just distance yourself from me. That would be wrong according to the Bible but it might be right according to "current truth" (another phrase from way back) and I would rather avoid the conversation if that is a possible outcome. "
Did you read that part? I will pray to Jehovah for forgiveness, you can pray and thank him that you are clean. Read this passage and think on it Tammy before setting yourself up as my judge It is Luke 18:11-14:
(Luke 18:11-14) The Pharisee stood and began to pray these things to himself, O God, I thank you I am not as the rest of men, extortioners, unrighteous, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week, I give the tenth of all things I acquire. 13 But the tax collector standing at a distance was not willing even to raise his eyes heavenward, but kept beating his breast, saying, O God, be gracious to me a sinner. 14 I tell YOU, This man went down to his home proved more righteous than that man; because everyone that exalts himself will be humiliated, but he that humbles himself will be exalted."
Remember that we will all be judged one day, and that the way you measure it out is the way it will be measured back to you. I forgive you, Tammy. I still love you despite what you have done. I do not accept your "adjustments to our relationship" and will call or come see you when I choose. I earned that right by loving and raising you. You have denied yourself children and now you would deny yourself parents? No.
My only regret in this letter was my comment on the dryer. I did go ahead and pay for it. It was a housewarming gift for a house we are not welcome in. It irked me that it was not even appreciated. This was over three years ago now. When we meet at family reunions she pretends to be normal, smiles. hugs and acts like we have a normal relationship. I put up with the playacting because just seeing her means so much to my wife. May God damn this cult for just what it is and may all of its members be rewarded with the same love and loyalty that they give. I am sincerely grateful that my daughter doesn't have kids.