Letter to my family

by Elsewhere 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    For several months now I have been writing back and forth to the Service Dept asking them to explain the difference between "those who simply leave the faith" and those who "went out" (disassociate). The reason I am curious about this is because "those who simply leave the faith" are not shunned, however those who "went out" (disassociated) are shunned.

    I have written twice and received two replies. In both replies they did not even comment on the subject. Instead, they focused on my mentioning my family's shunning me and told me that it is their personal choice to shun me out of "loyalty to Jehovah and his organization".

    I have written a third letter asking only the questions about the difference between "those who simply leave the faith" and those who "went out" (disassociate). The letter is short and to the point. Either they will answer the question or they will just blow me off. My money is on getting a blow-job from the Faithful and Discrete Slave.

    I have also written a letter to my family with copies of my correspondence with the service department so they can see how I was treated. Below is a copy of the letter I sent. (I have not included my correspondence with the Service Department... I will do that at a later date.)


    I have included my correspondence with the Christian Congregation of Jehovahs Witnesses. I approached them in a good faith attempt to understand what the difference is between a person who disassociates and a person who simply leaves the faith. The reason I wanted to know is because a person who simply leaves the faith is not shunned, however a person who disassociates is shunned. They have expressed that they have no intention of explaining this to me and that your decision to shun me is your own personal choice out of loyalty to them.

    Would you please explain the difference? Why is one shunned but the other is not? How does one simply leave the faith without being recognized as disassociated or shunned? Why did the elders insist that I write a letter of disassociation instead of encouraging me to simply leave the faith?

    I left an organization, not you. From the time you started to shun me I have made many attempts to reach out to you. What have I gotten in return? You have made it a point to slap me at every opportunity. When I try to visit, you turn me away because you dont want me there when your friends are there. When I am visiting and your friends want to come over, you send me away. When I attend my aunts funeral, I am warned to stay away from my friends and family. When I try to attend my sisters wedding, you tell me to stay in a corner away from everyone and eventually tell me to leave. When my brother gets married, you dont even tell me. You keep me just out of reach, as if you are ghosts. There but not really there.

    This is not love. You know in your heart what I say is true.

    What you are doing to me is wrong, and you know it is wrong. That is why it hurts so much to do what you are doing to me, because in your heart you know it is wrong. If your heart did not tell you your actions are wrong, then you would not be hurting by your actions.

    I am growing tired of this, constantly reaching out to you, my family, only to be hurt each time. Im getting tired very tired. I dont know how much longer I will be able to keep reaching out to you. I dont want you out of my life, but I cant stand the pain you inflict upon me.

    With love,


    Edited by - Elsewhere on 30 October 2002 14:48:16

  • Iwasyoungonce

    I sent a letter. It pulled no punches.

    I recommend it for closer to all who need or want it.

    After that came the jw's calling about "respect" for elders.

    I said I would respect them, but there is nothing to respect.

    Then the matching of biblical wits.

    They were crushed using the method of 2+2=4.

    Then the namecalling which resulted in them no longer being welcome in my house.

    Then with other JW family came the divide and make a conquest play. I did not "play."

    I told them that they are not welcome anymore.

    They no longer come.

    I am happy

    I wish the same to them.

  • LyinEyes

    Eleswhere,, very well written. I totally understand your pain and hurt your family has inflicted on you. My dad has been shunning me for over a year, even before I d/a myself. I am sure he would tell me he had a message from God telling him that I am an apostate , although at the beginning no one knew. But I bet he does now. He has been doing the longest shunning thing to me for 18 yrs, and each year he cut me off a little more and more. All the while, I was an elder's wife, the loyal daughter who put up with his neglect his ,his indifference to me. I never did anything but forgive and forgive the times he didnt return my calls, the times at the assemblies he acted in front of everyone how wonderful our relationship was. It was so painful to see him, and see my kids walk up to my dad and ask "Mama, who is that????" This is your granddaddy don't you remember him? I could tell he felt nervous, but he never tried to make it right.

    I wish I would have wrote him a"kiss my ass" letter while I was still in , while I was still a faithful JW. I wish I would have told everyone in the circuit more of how he really was. Now , who would believe me? Only the ones who have been screwed by him too.

    I think it is a great idea to send this letter to your family. Maybe some will have a little of the pain they have given you.

  • footprints

    This is not love. You know in your heart what I say is true.

    You have it right. What they, Jehovah's Witnesses, have is hate, envy and jealousy.

    Jesus gave us an identifying mark, By this you will know them It cannot be faked or counterfeited.

    Jehovahs Witnesses do not have it.

    One must follow your name and look Elsewhere

  • Dutchie

    Dear Elsewhere,

    I want the name and address of your parents. I want to tell them that they do not deserve a wonderful, loving son like you and that I am making arrangements to adopt you. In order to keep everything legal, I would like them to give their consent.

    The only problem is I have a last name that is a bit difficult to say, but I will teach you how to pronounce it. You will like your new family. You will have sisters and brothers and everyone will speak to you and make you feel welcome. You will have to share a room but we can work out the details later.

    Welcome to the family.

  • happy man
    happy man


    When I read this I am very sad, i think this shunning policy is not from the Lord, and I must say, when my son was dfd, fore very minor thing, I never shunn him at all.

    insted I shunn the men who did this bad thing, and putt him out.

    Never say helo to them, never talk to them, they are a bitt disturbd, and I think they deserv it.

    I have think a lot of this policy, and when it wa putt in charge, and why?

    The KM in aug was only a reminder of old things, perhaps theGb have the same motiv as the old Sovjet regim, when they was atacked they try to kill the peopel who was the problem, never try to reform the system, we all now how this went, and I think If we not have a new light here son this gone to putt the Gb in real problem.

  • openminded

    Here is a letter my brother wrote to my folks:

    You are the author of unalterable evils. My current
    remorse laid upon me has extinguished any hope I have
    in your organization and lifestyle. I am quite
    confident that the actions and deeds that you have
    bestowed upon me will perpetrate into further
    wickednesses. I have an obscure feeling that all you
    have done is far from over and this crime, by its
    enormity, should almost efface the recollection of
    past times I have shared with any of you. My
    abhorrence for what has unneccesarily been done to me
    cannot be conceived. When I reflect on your crimes
    and malice, my hatred and revenge burst all bounds of
    moderation. Explain as you will, I will never
    understand this false logic. You have chosen to
    disregard my individuallity in favor of obscure
    theological doctrine all in the name of love.
    Therefore, I have chosen not to know you. Laws bound
    me to never wreak the utmost extent of my abhorrence
    on all of you and avenge what you have done to me.
    Regardless, I could never do this on my own accord,
    laws accepting, for I am the better person. I will
    never treat any human so wretchedly as you have me.
    What is more, I will never outline a process to
    somebody to regain my favor like you have done to me.
    Either I have your favor or I don't. It is apparent I
    don't. My honesty is my last gift to you.

  • scootergirl


    I too have been recently dealing w/some feelings of pain as a consequence to my parent's decision to shun me. It hurts.....it hurts.....it hurts. I too have grown tired, tired of it all and have made a recent decision that has more than likely closed the door for any possible contact with them and their grandchildren (my children).

    I wish people could understand the harm and destructiveness shunning does. To simply think that it is acceptable is not right. To accept it as "normal" is unbelievable.

    I have often wondered, how do our parents sleep at night? How do they get thru their days knowing how they have hurt their children?

  • LyinEyes

    We should (all shunned apostates ) should have a big "KISS MY ASS", party in honor of all of our relatives who treat us this way. Of course they should be invited by no doubt would turn the invitation down. Nonetheless,,,,,,,, we could give them a toast.... here's to you dad..........(middle finger waving in the air). Well at least it would make us feel better anyway...........

  • Carmel


    I'd come just to be the camera man. Alas and alack, I don't even know where my family members live anymore. Seems we haven't kept in touch over the last 40 some years. No loss though, I now consider the whole human race my family.


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