Dr Phil...on Spanking children!

Golden Girl

I missed his show on Child discipline...but I looked up his website and read some on there. I am strongly against spanking children! This is something that everyone has their own viewpoint on and I understand that. I just wanted to post this site and I sure hope I get it right! Other wise you can go to drphil.com and look up "Parenting." You should see discipline on the page.See "Questions you should ask yourself before spanking your children!"

Here goes: Click on ";Parenting" and then click on "Discipline" then the top article "Questions you should ask before spanking!"

http://www.drphil.com/advice/advice.jhtml?contentid=par_discipline_3questions.xml§ion=Parenting&subsection=Discipline

Sure hope it works!.... Any comments are welcome!

Edited by - Golden Girl on 27 October 2002 23:2:26

Edited by - Golden Girl on 27 October 2002 23:7:48

Gopher

Here's the text of what Dr. Phil said on the subject:

Dr. Phil's advice: Ask yourself these three questions before the next time you go to spank your child.

Is Spanking a Calming Interaction?
If your goal is to get your child to calm down, chances are, hitting them doesn't bring he or she any closer to that. Your child will most likely understand hitting as a chaotic behavior, and instead of relaxing, your child will become more anxiousand he or she will be more likely to return to his unruly behavior.
What Does Your Child Learn by Being Hit?
When you spank, you introduce chaos into your child's world. This tells him or her that violence is acceptable, and it's an OK way to react when you're mad. If your child is subdued, but continues to think of hitting as an acceptable behavior, is the trade-off worth it?

Is It Working for the Long-Term?
As Phil told Nickie and Brent, "If it's working so well, why does your child continue to push you to the edge?" Spanking your kids may work to suppress his or her bad behavior temporarily, but it isn't a learning type of discipline. The message they get from being spanked is "I'm a bad kid," which doesn't help your child figure out what he or she did wrong or how to keep from doing it again!

My thoughts: Dr. Phil's advice is very well-thought out. Thinking back to my experiences as a child, and as a parent, I think he is right on!

This man has a persuasive way with words and logic.

Princess

I think it depends on the child. I spank but rarely. My friend adopted her children and they were told not to spank them. I find it ironic that her child is the one on the playground who immediately lashes out by hitting all the other kids when he is mad or frustrated. My son was trying to tell him something the other day and he punched him. He is five. My son has been spanked many times and never hits his friends. The argument that it teaches them to hit or respond violently just isn't proven.

I like Dr Phil. What is he supposed to say though? Most celebrity type counselors are against spanking these days. Like I said, it depends on the child. Some respond well to other forms of discipline.

Rachel

bitter mango

blahblablah. was dr. phil spanked as a child, i wonder??? i learned lessons from being hit and it certainly didn't teach me that violence was acceptable. but i guess we're all different.

gumby

I spank but rarely.

Princess,

Please stay with the topic and leave your sex life out of this.LOL

I am with bea on this. I spanked my daughter and she did not turn out violent and does not react violent to her kids. They are well behaved as she was. I think part of it is HOW you spank, how hard. If you look like Charles Manson when you are spanking.....that's not good. Kids know stuff.

patio34

Hi Golden Girl,

I was spanked (buckle end of the belt, but it was another era, I suppose).

I did spank my children, but not with metal!

But now, that I'm older, out of the mindset of the WTBS, I am definitely against spanking children. The arguments against it are powerful and there are many better and calmer ways of really instructing your children. IMO, it's a holdover from a less enlightened time. There is no good reason to do it. It's primitive and humiliating to the child. It's demeaning to the parent.

The rationale for it is weak and vapid.

I apologize for offending anyone. As I said, I did spank my own children over a decade ago. But that doesn't make it right. One of those children is very violent and messed up, but I don't believe that the spanking had anything to do with it. The others are doing much better.

Another factor to consider is "cruel and unusual punishment." In an increasingly disallowing culture for corporal punishment, the child is further shamed by having something done to them that is not neccessarily a common punishment. It's degrading to have an "unusual punishment."

Pat

Mulan

We spanked all four of our kids. None of them turned out to be violent or abusive. Princess and her youngest brother seldom needed that kind of discipline. The older boys.............another story.

Every child is different. Sometimes they are just begging for it. When they get a spanking, it seems to calm things down, finally. I've witnessed it many times with Princess' kids.

BeautifulGarbage

I have expressed a number of opinions regarding spanking on this forum. That it teaches the "violence is acceptable" is absurd. I was lashed pretty damn hard as a kid and always knew that violence was/is unacceptable. So, that argument is mute.

I said it once and I'll say it gain, a child's WHOLE upbringing needs to be considered. If a child has an otherwise nurturing and loving home, a swat on the tush is not going to turn them into a tortured, emotionally scarred adult. The temperment of a child and other outside influenences have to be considered.

Until the next thread on spanking is posted.............

Andee

larc

We never had to touch our two girls. I asked my oldest daughter about this. She said that her mother would occasionally give a swat, but that is was so soft that she would start laughing, that you make her mother laugh and that was the end of it. I only gave my son a swat on two occasions. (yes, different children need different measures) I explained why on another thread. One woman got her undies in a wad, and accused me of being an a abusive father. Based on the language she used, I would suspect that she could be very abusive verbally which is just a damaging as physical abuse in my opinion. All three of my children are adults. The are very polite, civil people.

metatron

He is right to try and minimize spanking. Most overwrought parents may resort to it
too quickly.

That said, as a last resort, it may be needed. Kids do things that endanger their
lives - playing with fire, running out in the street, etc.

Just threatening/time outs may not be enough when dangers are severe.

metatron

Dr Phil...on Spanking children!

Share this