Todd was so cool.
He'd lived in his Mom's garage ever since the day he'd announced that he wasn't going to attend Kingdom hall anymore. He worked at the Taco Bell on the corner of Front street and El Rey avenue and he was saving his pennies so he could move out his own. He wasn't that cute, but he played a killer harmonica, and the nights I snuck in under the garage door were great. We'd talk about anything, everything, sometimes till sunrise. We'd snuggle and he'd play Danny's Song and I'd softly sing along. One time his Mom yelled at him What are you doing in there?!? He winked at me and called back Just practicing, Mom and then he smothered my giggles with a kiss.
Sometimes we were able to bum a ride off someone to Balboa and ride the ferris wheel. He always kissed me when the revolution reached the top, then he would point and say There's your star, baby and I'd say Yeah? and then he'd say You own it, free and clear. It was during those times I could see something in his eyes that was bigger than the both of us and I never wanted the ride to end. He said his Mom was always on his case about how he was going to die in Armageddon if he didn't do the Watchtower thing. He always laughed about how stupid the whole Jay Dub thing was, but I could tell it hurt for his Mom to tell him shit like that. We'd hold each other and I would always say We're gunna be together forever huh Todd? Sure babe he'd answer When I get my own place we are gunna shack up and screw like rabbits! One time when he said that I said Well we can do that now, can't we? and he just kinda freaked and said something about how he didn't want to do IT while he was still living at his Mom's house, pretty lame excuse if you ask me, but I just dropped it. I mean we touched each other a lot and stuff, but we never went all the way. Seeing how things turned out, now I wish we had.
Anyways, one night I snuck in like usual and sat down next to him on the old beat-up sofa. He was acting all distant, he couldn't even look me in the eye. I kept asking over and over What's wrong? Nothing he kept saying Nothing's wrong. After a few minutes of this I finally asked Ok, who are you screwing? It was only then that he looked into my eyes and said Nobody, Okay? ...Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but you can't come over anymore. I'm going to start attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall again. The brothers have convinced me to give Jehovah another try. I just sat there and stared at him. He didn't even sound like Todd anymore. You're more than welcome to come too, but I must tell you that what we have been doing is against what I have been taught. And I want to keep Jehovah's house clean. I said damn, are you on drugs or something? What about all that stuff you told me about- what that preacher-Elder he said- Ok I said What about all that stuff that ELDER did to you- I'm leaving it in Jehovah's hands he says. I stood up Ok you leave it in f**king Jehovah's hands! I don't give a shit! This sure is a punk-ass way of trying to break up with me! He was waving his hands in the air like a f**kin geriatric trying to shush me You're gunna wake up my mom! I don't give a shit! You know what? F**K YOU! I crawled back out of the garage and I was just running away crying and I wanted him to come out after me or call me back or something but no, he didn't even try and stop me.
I only saw him a once more after that. He was on a street corner passing out Watchtower magazines. I stopped and tried to say Hi but he just had this weird look on his face like I was embarrassing him or something so I just told him See ya around and walked away. A couple of years later I heard that he wasn't doing so good as a Jehovah Witness and was looking for a way out. I wanted to talk to him so bad to let him know that I had never stopped loving him, but I never did get the chance to tell him. This spring I finally was able to work up the courage to pay him visit. Before I got there, I told myself that I wasn't going to cry, but as soon as I saw what was written on his headstone, I broke down.
Edited by - nilfun on 27 October 2002 13:32:33