Dating between JW and non-JW

by Joshua77 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Joshua77


    I am an outsider ( a non JW from ) and just accidentally happened to follow a link to this site. I have found these postings really interesting. I would like to tell you a little story of my own too: I was a while ago in a situation where a dated a JW girl. All the time that we were going out she seemed somehow scared to let no one of her friends or anyone else to see us together, we would usually meet in the evening, watch movies, take walks etc. But never did I meet any of her other JW friends, I was wondering that but did not ask about it. However, after a while she seemed to get more and more afraid, she would say that "she did not think that this would work out in a long run etc" and I was wondering why, because we were really getting along fine. But still, we kept seeing each other for a while, because we REALLY liked each other, but all the time she would seem to get more and more afraid of something. Finally, I could not take it anymore, I said to her that I am sorry, but I cant live like this, if you dont accept me as the way I am, then it is better that we dont date anymore. We kissed for goodbye and departed as friends. Just after a couple of weeks she send me a mail where she told me that she missed me, but did not tell directly if she wanted to get back together. We kept mailing each other for months, but did not meet. I was wondering all the time that if she really liked me, why would she not date and see me?

    After a while, I started to study about the JW, started to look for information from the internet and see, what was with this organization, and what I found really blew my mind. I could not believe that someone would honestly believe any of the teachings that the Watchtower is feeding these people. And dont get me wrong, I am a believer in Jesus, God and bible, but those teachings that the JW's have... I just cant understand that someone can deliberately twist Gods word that way. But back to the issue, One of their teachings is, that they are not to date and marry anyone outside their religion. This girl that I was dating has been with the organization since her birth, so I guess that she is so deep in the mind control, that even a true love can not bring her out. After I have read all the things about the organization, I know, that I will never be one of them. So I decided that it is wiser for me to stop mailing to her. In my last mail, I told her that I really loved and cared for her, but did not believe the way she did, in the Organization and all.. And that was the end of it.. Sad, so sad :(

    It would have been honest for her to tell me in the first place, that the regulations are so strict in JW and that I was not could be considered even a possible candidate for marriage because I was not one of them.. I was really tired in one point, about the late meetings and all, but really cared for this girl and did not want to stop meeting her. And all the time she knew.. that she could not REALLY date me openly and possibly marry me. And because of what? Because of the teachings of the organization, and because of the man made rules, that I am just one of the worldly people, a lesser compared to them and their group.

    Love is not enough when it comes to JW, I found it out quite hard way. But I thank God that I found this forum and could read about the experiences of others, those really helped me.

    I wish you all the best, I'll keep reading these postings in the future too, that's for sure.


  • Silverleaf

    Hi Joshua, welcome to the list,

    you wrote:

    "Love is not enough when it comes to JW, I found it out quite hard way."

    I've been where you are - a long time ago and I know it's very difficult, but you were wise to break it off. If you realize the JW religion doesn't make sense and you could never believe their way, the relationship will never go anywhere. Perhaps if your friend goes through this enough, finding people she cares about who she is not allowed to have normal relationships with, eventually she will see the 'truth' about the "Truth" but unfortunately it's not likely to happen too soon.

    I wish you luck and I hope you enjoy it here. It's a fascinating place.


  • AjaxMan

    Welcome to the board, Joshua.

    I understand perfectly what you went through as I did go thru that myself.

    It's so mind-blowing that a group that calls themselves Christians or consider themselves as the only true Christians today doesn't show any of that Christian love to anyone because of their teachings and doctrines, which by the way, are NOT Christian at all.

    I think they spend more time reading their stupid magazines instead of reading the bible. They say these "pubications" help them study the bible. Yeah...Whatever!!!! If they do truly study the bible, they should have read the parable of the Good Samaritan, they should have learned that JesusChrist hung out with people that you don't expect him to hang out. They must have read, but have not learned the two main Commandments that JesusChrist stated. For all of their yadda-yadda about practicing Christian love, they aren't doing it. Otherwise, it will be OK for them to date or marry non-JWs.

  • JT


    we are glad that you have done what many of us didn;t have the opportunity to do INVESTIGATE this religion before joining

    for many we came into this as kids or for others long before the INTERNET was here and with the click of a mouse you could read 130yrs of lies and lies and more lies=

    one of the most interesting teaching of jw is the following

    if a religion had ONE, I MEAN MUST ONE dogma wrong it is disqualified as being the true religion and this is the test that jw will give to a new convert, they will point out the errors in dogma for that persons religion and at that point the religion is disqualified

    now this is the problem they don't use the same STANDARD WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR RELIGION

    instead they are allowed to make excuses for errors in dogma, they call it new light, current light, new understanding, being over zealous, etc

    but there is always an excuse

  • freeman


    All that you are being told is quite true. You see the JW religion requires of its adherents a great deal. It not only requires large amounts of time, but it requires a full commitment of self.

    Do you fully comprehend what this means?

    The JW religion requires TOTAL LOYALTY, nothing less is acceptable! In fact a follower of the JW religion must place loyalty to Watchtower society above their own lives, even the lives of their own children. You must not only be willing to die for this religion should the need arise, you must do so Joyfully!

    And because the commitment to the Watchtower is so firm, so embedded, any threat to the idea that the Watchtower is Gods only organization will trigger a number of mental protection mechanisms, not the least of which is rejection of the person threatening their little Watchtower world.

    By pointing out the shortcomings of the Watchtower, I have threaten my wifes little Watchtower world; so I will never be close to her again. She thinks she is doing the right thing, and I understand that but it still hurts. I just cant tell you in words alone what a strain this has put on our marriage and on our family.

    Im not normally one who would advocate that anyone should not be allowed to do as they please, however in hindsight, I wish there was a law that required all religions, particularly highly controlling religions such as the Watchtower to disclose all aspects of just what their religion requires of it's members before one joins.

    Much like the truth in lending statement that must be provided before you commit to a loan, one should know all the hidden fees and costs before you sign on the dotted line.

    And lastly, if after reading the full disclosure document, and deciding to go ahead with a commitment to this religion, trained competent psychologists should examine the perspective convert, because nobody in their right mind would willing join this cult if they knew all the facts as I do now.


    Edited by - freeman on 24 October 2002 10:48:16

  • LB

    I recall, not long after getting baptised, a sister saying she "just loved her husband more than anything else, besides Jehovah of course" and that really caught me by surprise.

    You can never come before the cult.

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Welcome to the board, Joshua,

    It is a really baffling religion/cult to us non-JWs, isn't it. I think you need to be commended, Josh, for handling a really difficult , emotional situation with as much grace as was possible under the circumstances. Learning what you escaped, and moving on with your life is the wisest thing you can do.

    My daughter was caught in a similar situation to yours, but is still in the e mailing back and forth, "we're just friends now" stage. Fond as I am of the boy, I am grateful for every step she makes in moving on, and away from this very scary cult.

    Love just isn't enough, if you are walking different roads in life.

  • butalbee
    so I guess that she is so deep in the mind control, that even a true love can not bring her out.

    That is absolutely correct.

    Kinda get's me depressed thinking about it, cuz I think about a certain witness who I spent over a yr and a half with. I really did love him, but I had to let him go.

  • butalbee

    And welcome to the board.

  • Darkhorse

    Joshua, I think you handled the situation very well, you really did your homework. Much like you and Concerned Mama, the customs of the JW's continue to boggle my mind - I will never understand where they are coming from. Doing research on the JW's has been a real education to me also because I had no idea what they really believed. I do not like the idea that they think all us "worldly people" are evil and doomed. And the whole concept of shunning, I do not get. One thing I do know for sure, now that I have educated myself, there is no way they could hook me into it. That religion sounds very cruel and vengeful. I research the religion because I befriended somebody (not romantically) who has had some involvement with the JW's. I do not know the extent, but I can tell just enough to cause a barrier at times.

    It is best that you let her go her own way, and you yours because from what you wrote, she is so deeply tied to that religion that is all that matters to her - you would never have a fair chance. And Concerned Mama, I hope you daughter finally goes her own way. I believe everybody needs to be "with their own kind". Life is too short to try to hang on to somebody who while under the spell of the JW will never fully love you back.

    I do think everything happens for a reason. Maybe (a real long shot) somewhere down the road the some of the JW's us worldly people have had relationships with may decide it is time to leave also.

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