Ever feel like your loosing it???

by mamashel 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • mamashel

    That what i feel like right now. For those of you who read my posts, Please dont thing that i am a cronic complainer or whiner. I really am not. The last year has just been so hard for me, that i really feel like i am loosing it.

    My 17 yr old daughter as alot of you know, is pregnant with her 2nd child and she moved out due to us arguing all the time because she did not want to abide by the rules. Well the girl she was living with got into it with my daughters boyfriend, the father of her baby, and he just paid their half of the rent. She ends up putting him out at midnight by a police escort. Now, i am not real real fond of him, but he didnt do anything for her to have put him out like that. She just likes drama. So this all escallated into the girl and her boyfriend coming over our house to tell us what was going on, and she and I getting into it. She is only 21 and i am almost 40, and she got in my face and was shaking her neck and pointing in my face. Well, not at my house are you going to come over and act like a fool. Anyway, this ended up being an all day argument with them calling and coming over, and me taking my daughter and her boyfriend to get their stuff. "D" is the girls name that my daughter was staying with, started telling her boyfriend all these lies, like he tore up the appartment and broke a bunch of stuff, which was a lie, because i was there the whole time. Now my daughter has no where to go, her boyfriend went back home to his moms house, and she stayed here last night. I dont know what to do, because my daughter had to move out because she refuses to live by our rules.

    Then my mother in law calls last night, (acive jw who just lost custody of her daughter that we now have custody of) and her car broke down. Hubby goes to fix it, and when he comes home, he has a watchtower in his hand when he walks through the door. I almost threw up. I had this sick, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. And the wt was about how do you view trials and tribulations. I just looked at him and started to cry. I cant stand to see the fear and guilt on his face that he feels everything is like it is because of leaving the "Truth". He said he doesnt want to go to meetings or field service, but still believes its the truth. We have been gone for almost a year now. I dont know what i will do if he starts thinking that he wants to go back. He said last night he would read some pages of COC, but he doubted if it would change his mind. Could someone please talk to me. I really dont know how much more i can take right now. I cant stop crying and i actually feel numb, and like someone has just sucked the life out of me. I have searched for the truth about God, and feel like i have gotten nowhere. Sometimes i even question is there really a God. I wish i had never stepped foot into a kh. Now i am just sad and confused. I dont believe anything about the jw org, but what and where is the truth?


    Edited by - mamashel on 23 October 2002 9:34:46

  • Englishman


    Well you've lost the way to spell losing!

    Cheer up Mamashell, I once lost everything and survived it.



    PS: Now that you've supplied the details, my comments seem trite and inappropriate, your post just stated that you felt you were losing it.

    No offence intended.

    Edited by - Englishman on 23 October 2002 9:46:28

  • shera

    What is wrong?

    I know things can be hard....vent away if you need to.I'll listen without judgement.

  • shera

    Sorry I posted that first comment without reading all your post...I don't know what I was thinking that your Subect was your post....

    I'm not what you call it awake yet,but vent away....

    I have a teen,and she is very testy at 14. I feel like ripping out every hair of my head somedays.

    I was confused for many yrs about the meetings.I always had my doubts about it,but a part of me was always thinking...what about if it is.I always knew I was never going to go back.Until I heard all of the negitive and hypocritical things about the organization.I told myself God's Spirit cannot be there.Many other scriptures that I read does not support some of the teachings.I would have these nitemares being back at the meetings...the whole dream I was thinking I want out and I would be thinking of how I can escape.I would be panicing the whole time.When I awoke,I would bevery relieved.

    Take care

  • LovesDubs

    Mama check your email hon :)

  • Joyzabel


    wow, what a day. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is all we can do in a day. Hang in there, this too shall pass.



    ps, be sure to make your husband read CoC, he sounds like he is still clinging to some fairy tales and needs to know that.


    sure vent away! queenie BTW queenapostate @webtv.net ((HUGS)))

  • wildfire

    my dear friend,,,,, i am new here and i too have a feeling similar to yours,,,you can go to personal experiences under myname and see just apart of what i have and am going thru ,,, iam not completely out,,, and i have a 16 yr old who is on fire with the troof so you can about imagine what i am going thru ,,, but not quite as bazarr as your daughter,,,, believe me there are days i just want to throw in the towel,,, not knowing what to believe or whom.... i am the one who was married for 10 yrs to a man who said he was of the annointed,,,, and boy did he take us for an emotional rollercoaster ride until he was caught ... and df and now i dont know where the hell he is ,,,,(which by the way is a goood thing) but his poor son is sitting in prison on trumped up charges of revocation of probation and also suffers from paranoid schizophrenia it is truel y heartbreaking to say the leas t so hear me dearone i know alll about drama and the feelof losing it,,,,,,,,, but just keep talking to all of us ,,,,,we HAVE OR ARE GOING THRU SIMILAR CRAZINESS,,,,, SO EMAIL ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ....ITS OPEN.... I WILL BE THE SHOULDER YOU NEED TO CRY ON OR JUST SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH... STAY STRONG YOU ARE PRECIOUS IN ALL OUR EYES......

  • mamashel


    Thank you so much. I dont know what is going on with me right now. I guess the old saying of I cant take it anymore comes to mind. But i know we have to keep going ion anyway, even if we are only able to crawl.

    My emotions are really crazy right now. Maybe its a female thing(getting older ya know)

    But anyhow, i have just been crying and crying, and i am not one to cry much, it takes alot to make me cry. So i just wanted to say thank you for the understanding and support. Sometimes i guess its a good thing to have a good cry when life seems so overwhelming.



  • butalbee
    Ever feel like your loosing it???

    I think I've lost it. Very bad couple of days.

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