Debunking Evolution in 3 Steps the Know_You Way

by Know_You 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Realist


    i hope so! otherwise its more than sad.

  • reubenfine

    Pure genious, Know You! You need to save all this stuff an put it in a book. It will be a classic!

  • nilfun

    *prostrates herself a la Wayne's World*



  • rem


    If it's not satire, then may god have mercy on our souls!


  • pseudoxristos

    Pure genius or sheer madness, its hard to tell.


    edited, because I can not seem to put 9 words together without making a mistake.

    Edited by - pseudoxristos on 16 October 2002 21:34:21

  • PopeOfEruke

    What if KNOW YOU is really Fred Franz, he's just been resurrected in Beth Sarim???


  • AlanF

    Well Know_You, like, I mean, you know, you know you've outdone yourself again. Based on your title:

    : Part III of the annual On the Road Again, Down from the Fountain (of Truth) Series.

    I was going to ask, "Brother, where art thou?" but you immediately answered:

    : - from Half-Moon Bay California -

    Whether that's the real thing or, as you're doing generally on this forum, you're half-mooning the participants, I do not know.

    I will comment as I feel the need:

    : Owing to mechanical problems, Mrs Know_You and I have had to delay our plans for the day.

    I heartily recommend "The Sunday Night Sex Show" on Oxygen TV with host Sue Johanson.

    : The Missus kindly agreed to sit in the repair shop awaiting the re-emergence of our means of conveyance, which may take all day,

    Sounds like you both need repair services. Fear not, Sue will help you win the day! She has much advice about the emergence of the needed mechanical structures.

    : while I have decided to sacrifice part of my vacation to address the subject of evolution.

    I must say that your commentary gives much-needed support to the cause of those poor, apostate evolutionists.

    : ... So please understand that I am operating under conditions of some difficulty.

    Given your needed sojourn to the repair shop for "emergence" problems, that is understandable.

    : ... a certain Ms. Pomegranate recently, on this fractious board of fools, tried to debunk the theory of evolution using arithmetical arguments.

    Mr. Pomegranate is apparently unable to understand the simple English used in your post, much less arithmetic.

    : Naturally, I exposed her argument as the merest shard of an idea afloat in a vast sea of logic - disconnected from any body of coherent thought.

    Others did so as well, but he was unable to comprehend the trains of thought.

    : ... no more so than can the Trinity doctrine be disposed of by the simple observation that no rational number can represent the division of 3 into 1 exactly.

    Aha! You fool! The "division of 3 into 1 exactly" is an example of the very definition of a "rational number", to wit, any number that can be expressed as a ratio of two integers.

    : But lest Ms. Pomegranate - and others - think that by disposing of her argument so speedily, I disagree with her basic, though childishly put, foundational belief in a Creator

    "Childishly put" is a fine evaluation of 99% of the arguments against evolution.

    : here I will share with you my years of experience in bringing evolutionists - many, perhaps most, of whom are apostates and perverts - to their intellectual knees.

    Your satire accomplishes precisely the opposite, with those who are able to understand that it it satire.

    : Being in a fine frame of mind, thanks to the bracing marine air and the sunshine, and despite the mechanical problems ...

    I have also dealt with mechanical problems with such aplomb. Sue has been a great help.

    : ... those who have not yet penetrated the rectum of ridiculousness that is exemplified by evolutionary "thought."

    More sexual innuendo. Ha ha! Get it? "In-you-end-o"?

    : Thus, I enter ...

    Yet again! Your mind is in the gutter!

    : ... the mad evolutionist is at heart a craven and cultish follower of a new type of religion which he craves as badly as he desires fleshly pleasure after all, he promotes the notion that we came from the beast and so, naturally, he behaves like one at all times...

    Indeed. We have mass orgies at my house every weekend and often between times.

    : ... this is what he needs - to justify his engaging in all the sorts of disgusting and unnatural acts of loose conduct and other perverted behaviors so typical of the apostate.

    But that's what apostates are for, you silly goose!

    : In fact, the obsession that evolutionists have with body parts dug out of the ground is proof enough, at least to thinking minds, of their prurient and often unnatural base desires.

    Indeed. And some of them positively drool over coprolites.

    : ... The snake, the monkey and the puppy are, therefore, the three metaphors which you need to separate the evolutionary bone from its marrow using my ineluctable methods.

    Actually the only constant here is the ineluctability of creationists to (deliberately) misunderstand science and its methods.

    : 1. The Snake The sole aim of the evolutionist is to draw you into his cavern of cowardice and caitiffity, since this reinforces the correctness of his beliefs and provides license for his habitual immoral acts of the flesh.

    I am taking the liberty of forwarding this comment to the Institute for Creation Research in San Diego, California.

    : Step 1 involves quietly and persistently demanding that the evolutionist explain his jargon in plain English.

    Much as you have done in this post.

    : Caveat Under no circumstances attempt to learn the ever changing jargon yourself beforehand ...

    Excellent advice! No one should imagine that he could withstand the jargonish machinations of the devil.

    : ... be persistent and do not respond with inanity

    You have gone beyond the bounds of satire here.

    : ... by swinging wildly at the many mushroom-like arguments

    Wonderful imagery!

    : ... the blatherer of Eden.


    : ... he will point out that just because worldly scientists and philosophers dont have a perfect theory of gravity, as they will readily admit, does that mean that gravity doesn't exist

    You really know how to set up a guy!

    : The truly disgusting and reprehensible extreme evolutionist will even go so far as to counter your words with a noisome and distasteful piece of blasphemy designed to shake you to your very foundations in the daringness of its evil. He will posit that since theology - Organized Religion - has no agreed upon theory of God then the Almighty Himself cannot exist. Do not get caught up in such narcissistic battles.

    Absolutely not! You have presented irrefutable proof that the Almighty Himself does indeed exist! It is up there for all to see! I think.

    : ... Demand that he methodically go through the data. The monkey is now panicked - he is being required to lug in wheelbarrow-load-full after wheelbarrow-load-full of dry and stodgy - and what is worse - heavy data. Don't let him jump hither and thither like a jitterbug on speed - demand a precise accounting for every piece of evidence. You have time to spare, not him - after all, you are lounging on the knoll and he is moving the wheelbarrow. This is no longer fun! This is not trading lunatic theories with others of like mind betwixt orgies designed only for the lewd satiation of the degraded flesh. He will rapidly tire and bore when faced with this unpleasantness. Indeed he will. But you will remain fresh and vigorous, poised for victory - though you appear relaxed your spiritual muscles are taut, ready for the kill.

    An amazing 360. My hat is off to you!

    Next comes a relative maximum in the universe of reversed coups d'etat:

    : As you pursue him relentlessly with the very essence of logic, the combination of fatigue and panic will eventually - unless you allow him to escape through your own inattention - cause him to come to grips with the fact that the data does not, in reality, provide

    Any succor for the creationist. Indeed, quite the opposite. Comes now another blow:

    : Caveat Under no circumstances attempt to deny the data as being "forged" or "falsified" unless you have the goods to back it up ...

    Excellent advice once again! But kind of like telling that to O.J.

    : ... Consequently, all you have to do is demonstrate ... that alternative, and logically credible, indeed scientifically sound explanations exist to account for that data explanations that are quite different from his rantings.

    Check, and mate! The creationist will eat this up but have absolutely no idea how to do it.

    : After all, as Christians we would not want to defend God with lies, would we? (Job 13).

    Job is not a real Bible book.

    : Now is the time to go for the jugular using the full arsenal of legitimate scientific analysis, prove to him beyond doubt that the physical evidence points, without a shadow of a doubt, to direct creation by Almighty God. Doubt will then penetrate his entrails like a cold arrow in the night; perspiration will cause his flesh to swarm and his eyes to be blinded with fear. Fear will descend on him like the blow of a mighty soldier, and his neck will tingle as he recognizes even the first fledgling hints of the enormity of his error and the magnitude of his sin, the vastness of his vaingloriousness and the vanity of his vapidity. A great millstone will seem to have fallen upon his neck, crushing the bowl of his skull and riving his vertebrae each from its neighbor; and, in turn, their sub vertebrae will fragment, each from its partner to the left and to the right, from below and from above, and along the diagonals too. Down to dust will his bones be ground. And a great heaving will seize his belly and his very fleshly organism will feel dread. A great howling will be heard in his ears and his teeth will chatter until they feel like they will crack apart. His tongue will gag in his throat as its swollen mass lolls from side to side in his dry mouth. And finally his lips will twitch from fear and his nose will detect a great stench rising up which he will suddenly, and with shame, recognize as the stench of his own intestinal evacuations. This is, as they say, a Kodak moment.

    I've gotta submit this to the New York Times as the epitome of satire. Or maybe the Watchtower Writing Department as the epitome of seriosity.

    Now comes another wonderful 360:

    : Caveat Rather than introducing the distraught and by now, no doubt, almost demented evolutionist to some alternative apostate religion, I strongly suggest that you have him contact the local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses for a free home Bible Study.

    : It really is as simple as that....

    I believe you.

    : but I see that Mrs Know_You is me-mo-ing at me through the window. It looks like Andy came through after all and so off we go....maybe we can still catch that glorious Big Sur Sunset while giving praise to our Grand Creator.

    Ah, but you were still sitting in that awesome cafe at least an hour later. I'm sure that Mrs. Know-You will have your head. But I suppose that's an after-dinner pleasure, assuming your mechanical problems have been corrected.


    Edited by - AlanF on 16 October 2002 22:53:23

    Edited by - AlanF on 16 October 2002 22:54:31

  • Know_You

    And, Mr Otto Neugebacher - your concluson is?



    ps: checking in on the way back to the campsite, after observing a spectacular sunlightand a hint of the green twinkle - but I did have to provide Mrs KY with a bottle of the best California "Champage" to asuage her irritation at my tardiness - all in the best interests of this bored (sic).

    pps: the rational number thing was good - only you would catch that one....

  • pomegranate


    Ewwwww.. Imagine eatin' that stuff???

  • AlanF

    : And, Mr Otto Neugebacher - your concluson is?

    You one funny fella!


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