Part III of the annual On the Road Again, Down from the Fountain (of Truth) Series.
- from Half-Moon Bay California -
Owing to mechanical problems, Mrs Know_You and I have had to delay our plans for the day. The Missus kindly agreed to sit in the repair shop awaiting the re-emergence of our means of conveyance, which may take all day, while I have decided to sacrifice part of my vacation to address the subject of evolution. Mrs Know_You dropped me off at a local internet cafe, which, I might add, in addition to the comfortable couches, serves outstanding espresso and pastries (far better than the muck they dish up at Andy's Bug Hut) while also affording a magnificent, panoramic view of the Pacific. So please understand that I am operating under conditions of some difficulty.
I have been thinking much about Creation and Evolution recently - partly because of the abundant evidence of God's Creation which is so stunningly apparent to us on our trip, and also because a certain Ms. Pomegranate recently, on this fractious board of fools, tried to debunk the theory of evolution using arithmetical arguments. Naturally, I exposed her argument as the merest shard of an idea afloat in a vast sea of logic - disconnected from any body of coherent thought. Like many, she fails to understand that evolution is no more and no less than a religion and, ergo, cannot be dismissed by mathematics - no more so than can the Trinity doctrine be disposed of by the simple observation that no rational number can represent the division of 3 into 1 exactly. But lest Ms. Pomegranate - and others - think that by disposing of her argument so speedily, I disagree with her basic, though childishly put, foundational belief in a Creator, here I will share with you my years of experience in bringing evolutionists - many, perhaps most, of whom are apostates and perverts - to their intellectual knees.
Being in a fine frame of mind, thanks to the bracing marine air and the sunshine, and despite the mechanical problems, I have decided to be magnanimous and draw a distinction between apostates who believe in evolution and those who have not yet penetrated the rectum of ridiculousness that is exemplified by evolutionary "thought." Thus, I enter into a temporary truce with the latter - a sort of Spiritual Desert Storm I type of coalition - and will focus principally on demolishing the very pedestal of evolutionary arguments, rooting down to their core and ferreting out their weaknesses, exposing them for all to see. In doing so, I will go by the maxim - better to teach a man to fish than just to give him a fish. Thus, I present a flexible method that readily adapts itself to new evidence rather than a rigid set of arguments tied to the specific evolutionary idee de jour.
First let me set the scene; the mad evolutionist is at heart a craven and cultish follower of a new type of religion which he craves as badly as he desires fleshly pleasure after all, he promotes the notion that we came from the beast and so, naturally, he behaves like one at all times. He (and since it is a (pseudo) "scientific" discipline, demanding at least some level of intellectual rigor, most of this vile species are men) slavishly follows the High Priests of his Religion the Scientists - since they, and they alone, provide him the license he needs - even if he does not admit that this is what he needs - to justify his engaging in all the sorts of disgusting and unnatural acts of loose conduct and other perverted behaviors so typical of the apostate. In fact, the obsession that evolutionists have with body parts dug out of the ground is proof enough, at least to thinking minds, of their prurient and often unnatural base desires.
In presenting my three steps it is important that you understand several things: First, the evolutionist is a territorial beast. So, imagine him initially as a puffed up, spitting snake, caught in a corner; next, as if miraculously transformed into a monkey, and finally, transmuted by the logic of careful and studied argument, imagine him to be a scared puppy frenetically seeking your approval. The snake, the monkey and the puppy are, therefore, the three metaphors which you need to separate the evolutionary bone from its marrow using my ineluctable methods. I will use these images to organize my method; associated with each, however, there is a caveat which must be taken most seriously.
1. The Snake The sole aim of the evolutionist is to draw you into his cavern of cowardice and caitiffity, since this reinforces the correctness of his beliefs and provides license for his habitual immoral acts of the flesh. However, confronted with the Sword of Truth when wielded aright by a Christian Warrior his immediate thought instinct really - is to try to scare you off. He does this by puffing up like an adder, a viper or a cobra as his father once did in Eden - and ejaculates a steady stream of jargon with much attendant writhing and hissing and spitting thrown in for good measure. Jargon is the equivalent of the secret words of the Black Arts and he hopes that, in this way, he will so frighten you that you will depart - quite simply he sees the Sword of Truth in your hand and it scares him, knowing full well that you could lop off his sorry head on the spot. Thus, jargon is the trapdoor through which the essentially sniveling and cornered reptile seeks to make his escape.
Step 1 involves quietly and persistently demanding that the evolutionist explain his jargon in plain English. Rather than backing away, and acting scared, walk right up to this loathsome serpent - for he will not bite - and demand that he tell you what his jargon means in plain speech. In this way you will nail his escape hatch tightly shut.
Caveat Under no circumstances attempt to learn the ever changing jargon yourself beforehand, imagining that you will then be in a position to fight him on his own ground for, apart from polluting you own mind, that is what he wants more than ought else, plain and simple. Rather, force the apostate Darwinist beast to tell you in good old fashioned language just what he means. To entrap him in his deceitfulness, be persistent and do not respond with inanity - do not fight insult with insult or trade the jargon of this old system and its corrupt educational establishments one on one. As in Judo, use his own momentum - his own methods - to provide the momentum to unbalance him.
2. The Monkey Seeing his trapdoor now nailed firmly shut the evolutionist foolishly apes the kind of transformation that he thinks happens in nature - he turns, intellectually speaking, into a monkey, hopping all over the place, in order to distract and perplex you. But make no mistake; he still has an ace up his sleeve. You see, he senses that you have great power because you are still grasping tightly to the Sword of Truth. As Paul recognized so long ago, he'd like you to wear yourself out by pummeling the air - or more precisely by swinging wildly at the many mushroom-like arguments which he can conjure up to surround you in an instant. The way he does this is devilish ingeniousness incarnate as befits his father, the original serpent and slanderer, the blatherer of Eden.
Most Christian Warriors naturally desire to deal an honest and straightforward mortal blow to the Theory of Evolution - but there are dozens, perhaps hundreds and even thousands of such theories, sub theories, hypotheses and variants. As you surely destroy one, a dozen more of these malodorous mushrooms spring up to take their place. Pretty soon the Christian is exhausted, tired out from all this exertion, and the monkey escapes from his corner into a tree where he will pelt you with rotten fruit - laughing at your inability to catch him - and crowing his success to any who pass by his way. In a word, he has the victory!
Of course, you could try to argue with him as he grins stupidly at you from up on his perch that the existence of so many theories in itself demonstrates the falsity of evolution. But here he jumps down in a flash and has you firmly by the throat - he will point out that just because worldly scientists and philosophers dont have a perfect theory of gravity, as they will readily admit, does that mean that gravity doesn't exist; because the corrupt Medical Establishment doesn't fully understand reproduction, that babies are not born; or, perhaps, because Big Business has no satisfactory theory of economics then trade cannot happen? The truly disgusting and reprehensible extreme evolutionist will even go so far as to counter your words with a noisome and distasteful piece of blasphemy designed to shake you to your very foundations in the daringness of its evil. He will posit that since theology - Organized Religion - has no agreed upon theory of God then the Almighty Himself cannot exist. Do not get caught up in such narcissistic battles.
Rather, Step 2 calls for you to adopt the relaxed pose of the mighty warrior - lay as if semi-prone on a grassy knoll with your sword by your side, languidly watching the monkey do his tricks - but be vigilant that he does not escape - press the scurrilous and verminous little primate with your undivided attention - ask him, nay demand of him, that he present you, not with a theory of evolution, but with the plain observational facts on which his diverse and fissiparous theories are supposedly built. This is heavy lifting indeed - but the advantage is with you. Demand that he methodically go through the data. The monkey is now panicked - he is being required to lug in wheelbarrow-load-full after wheelbarrow-load-full of dry and stodgy - and what is worse - heavy data. Don't let him jump hither and thither like a jitterbug on speed - demand a precise accounting for every piece of evidence. You have time to spare, not him - after all, you are lounging on the knoll and he is moving the wheelbarrow. This is no longer fun! This is not trading lunatic theories with others of like mind betwixt orgies designed only for the lewd satiation of the degraded flesh. He will rapidly tire and bore when faced with this unpleasantness. Indeed he will. But you will remain fresh and vigorous, poised for victory - though you appear relaxed your spiritual muscles are taut, ready for the kill.
As you pursue him relentlessly with the very essence of logic, the combination of fatigue and panic will eventually - unless you allow him to escape through your own inattention - cause him to come to grips with the fact that the data does not, in reality, provide a license for his licentious existence, nor does it provide a bedrock for his most fondly held religion devoted, as it is, to the cult of dissolute living. Why, this very religion is now in danger of being destroyed by your close examination of the data - and your pressing him on even the smallest "fact" and piece of data which he presents.
Caveat Under no circumstances attempt to deny the data as being "forged" or "falsified" unless you have the goods to back it up, for the existence of the data is not the issue, nor is its veracity usually in question it is the interpretation of that physical dataset that is both the nub and the rub of the matter. Consequently, all you have to do is demonstrate, by your close questioning and inquisition of the squirming, but by now pinned down, disgusting little weasel, that alternative, and logically credible, indeed scientifically sound explanations exist to account for that data explanations that are quite different from his rantings. After all, as Christians we would not want to defend God with lies, would we? (Job 13). Beleaguer the gabious idiot with a fusillade of solid refutation of his interpretation of the foundational physical evidence itself, presenting an argument against which there is no gainsay possible. Expose his infructous logic with your infrangible command of the facts so that his theories look like so many codfish drying out in the harsh glare of the sun.
Now is the time to go for the jugular using the full arsenal of legitimate scientific analysis, prove to him beyond doubt that the physical evidence points, without a shadow of a doubt, to direct creation by Almighty God. Doubt will then penetrate his entrails like a cold arrow in the night; perspiration will cause his flesh to swarm and his eyes to be blinded with fear. Fear will descend on him like the blow of a mighty soldier, and his neck will tingle as he recognizes even the first fledgling hints of the enormity of his error and the magnitude of his sin, the vastness of his vaingloriousness and the vanity of his vapidity. A great millstone will seem to have fallen upon his neck, crushing the bowl of his skull and riving his vertebrae each from its neighbor; and, in turn, their sub vertebrae will fragment, each from its partner to the left and to the right, from below and from above, and along the diagonals too. Down to dust will his bones be ground. And a great heaving will seize his belly and his very fleshly organism will feel dread. A great howling will be heard in his ears and his teeth will chatter until they feel like they will crack apart. His tongue will gag in his throat as its swollen mass lolls from side to side in his dry mouth. And finally his lips will twitch from fear and his nose will detect a great stench rising up which he will suddenly, and with shame, recognize as the stench of his own intestinal evacuations. This is, as they say, a Kodak moment.
3. The Scared Puppy Once all of this has happened and the word DOUBT has invaded what passes for the degenerate apostate evolutionist's mind then he will whimper and simper like a puppy, recognizing that his multifarious and false excuses for living the life of a shameful apostate dog have evaporated. Now is the time to wield the Sword of Truth deal a swift and deadly blow to his theories while at the same time severing his soul, if any, from the ties of the false and dangerous cult of higher philosophy. His mind will now either be totally blown or it will be receptive to the healthful words of truth - for where else does he have to go now that his High Priests have been discredited and shown up to be the shams and shamans that they always were. His theories no longer carry a valuta in depravity and hence must be jettisoned.
Caveat Rather than introducing the distraught and by now, no doubt, almost demented evolutionist to some alternative apostate religion, I strongly suggest that you have him contact the local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses for a free home Bible Study.
It really is as simple as that....but I see that Mrs Know_You is me-mo-ing at me through the window. It looks like Andy came through after all and so off we go....maybe we can still catch that glorious Big Sur Sunset while giving praise to our Grand Creator.
Know _You
Edited by - Know_You on 16 October 2002 18:28:13