Whats more tramatic Divorce or leave org?

by jurs 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • jurs

    How many of you have been through a divorce? What was harder , leaving your spouse or leaving the org? jurs

  • freedom96

    As far as leaving the WTS, I faded away. Not too hard, just careful not to say too much to the couple of people I still have contact with.

    Divorce, tougher, only because I was scared of change.

    I think that is what the problem is. We may want to leave our spouse, we may want to leave the WTS, but the fear of the unknown, keeps us from doing what sometimes we know is what we have to do.

    The fear of change is tough, regardless of what the reason is.

  • pettygrudger

    For me, leaving the JW's was harder, as I didn't want to leave and I was young (not quite 17).

    Divorce was easier, it was sort of letting go of 1 person, whereas the JW's - everything & everyone I knew.

    Just my .02

  • ballistic

    If, like me, you are disfellowshipped for sex before marriage and your wife has turned you over to the elders whilst admitting her multiple adulterous one-night stands during the marriage, then you'll know just what it's like to go through both at the same time. It's a bit like being kicked in the bollocks and while you're laying on the floor in agony, getting kicked in the bollocks again.

    I coped alright really. I was out of work at the time, so I went from family life with a wife in the congregation to hermit in solitary confinement over-night. I get stressed over lesser things in life - but at times like this, it's almost like part of your brain knows the circumstances are almost impossible to handle and ceases to worry about anything. In other words, it's easier to handle when it happens than if you tried to contemplate it happening.

  • nilfun

    Divorce was more traumatic. Going through the court system, custody issues, made it much tougher

    than leaving JW world.

    I had never been in love with the org, but I there was a time when I had been in love with my husband.

    Yeah, divorce, hands down.


    jurs........I had the immense pleasure of doing both at the same time. My EX was a good little dubbie that accused me of mental abuse. Actually I was trying to implement the Borg rules on her but the elders took her side because they felt she was the spiritual head and she always signed the donation checks. Gawd, I'm gonna hafta post the whole sordid affair someday soon. I hate that little blue Family Crappiness book because I did none of the three things required for a spouse to call for seperation but they still supported her and helped her kick me outa my house...after 20 years of bliss (ok, bliss was only about 10 of the 20 years).

    I had all kinds of charges against the elders for abuse of privledges and violation of confidentiality...but of course I did not know that when I brought it to the attention of the Brooklyn bunch that it would be totally ignored. I have since learned a lot. But back to the original question...I think leaving the Borg is harder if you've been raised in it and know nothing else. It's very scary. Combined with the fact that you get shunned by "friends & family"..yeah I think it's worse than just a straight divorce.


  • jurs

    Wow, I can't believe how awful it must have been to go through both at the same time. Take care jurs

  • minimus

    Divorce is $$ much $$ more $$ traumatic $$.

  • CC Ryder
    CC Ryder

    $$ Ditto on what Minimus said$$


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I'm another one who did them both at the same time

    Since I am the one who wanted out of the abusive marriage it was a releif to get out of the marriage. The cost was my self-respect, self-esteem and getting myself DFed. Losing him was easy

    Losing all my friends and family, my community, religion was by far harder.

    But I wouldn't go back now even if they paid me.

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