Catch a wave and your sitting on top of the world

by kenpodragon 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon

    Last fall my wife was in a friends wedding. My wife was helping out a lot, and thus we spent a lot of time at the Bride's house. One night we were at the home with the Bride and Groom and two of the bridesmaids and their husbands. My wife wanted to try on her bridesmaid dress and the other woman did too, to check for alterations. Everyone was having fun and joking around, and the woman went into the back room and changed. A few minutes went by and they came out and modeled them for us. They were really nice looking. I told my wife she looked nice and they started marking for a few alterations. The other bridesmaid came out and was laughing and smiling as we told her she was looking good too. She then went over to her husband and asked what he thought. He looked up, did a quick glance and said "it makes you butt look big!" and then laughed at his little comment. The room went silent, the woman walked back to the room changed and came back out and wanted to go home. They did and nothing felt right all night long after that. Have you ever had something like this happen? Where everyone is having fun talking and chatting, sharing stories and events. When someone comes along and just makes the most negative hateful comment you could ever imagine. I have seen it happen at family gathers, parties and even in chat rooms. The thing is, when I spoke to the man later and asked him why he made such a comment. He said, "well I thought it did and I wanted to tell her." You see he felt what he was doing was improving the situation and not hurting it. I call this kind of person, "A person without a clue." Because why would you ever think that making a negative comment would benefit anyone?

    I think of it like a wave at sea. If you have ever surfed, then you will know that sometimes you will wait out there for hours for the perfect wave. When it is coming, you will see all the other surfers paddling to get on. Then you get on and ride, and it is a high like you could never imagine. Everyone that rides the wave will get to the end and be all saying, "that was awesome" and "let's do it again." Yet each time there is always one person who let it pass them by, sitting our there going "what?" So to me, when you are having a good time, and the conversation is going great and people want to get along. Why not take the logical step to jump in and "catch the wave" and not sit back and ruin it for the rest of us. Now some might ask, what ever happened to this couple from last year? Well the man and woman are separated now, and the woman is with a man who likes to enjoy life. The man, as far as I know, does nothing but sit at home mopping about and doing nothing. Basically, people tend to find in time that they do not want to spend their life with the "wave crashers" and would rather spend their time with the "wave riders." So if you really want to benefit from life and feel good around others, learn the phrase "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all" and listen to the Beach Boys, and ... "Catch a wave and your sitting on top of the world" My thought Dragon

    Edited by - kenpodragon on 12 October 2002 2:2:39

  • Sabine
    Why because why would you ever think that making a negative comment would benefit anyone?

    In Toltec wisdom, first of the "four agreements" impeccable with your word. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

    Thanks for the reminder Dragon!

  • pettygrudger

    Couldn't agree w/you more Sabine - excellent point.

    IMHO though Ken, there are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. Maybe his wife was regularly (although unknowing) thoughtless in her comments to others (even in public) & perhaps he wanted to make a point? Perhaps she regularly made him feel inferior in public, perhaps to the point that one day he wanted to say "See how it feels". And perhaps he didn't see fit to explain it to you. To say he was a man who didn't love life doesn't really fit 1 tactless comment now does it? If you were to say that he regularly said cruel & tactless things, it might fit. But, if it was a one time occurrence, it doesn't work.

  • kenpodragon

    I agree Rhonda, this man though .... hummm .... can't quite put his rudeness into proper words. There were so many times he did things like this, and it would make my wife cry seeing what he did. Made me feel bad too. In all though, I think we all kind of catch on what men or woman are doing in life and notice a really "out of the blue" statement that drags the moment down.

    Take Care


    Edited by - kenpodragon on 11 October 2002 20:40:32

  • pettygrudger

    Sure, but I'm sure the wife wasn't perfect either - there are ALWAYS 2 sides kenpo - always!

    P.S. Its Rhonda silly.

  • kenpodragon

    I know that all to well. At work people think I am so clean ... at home, well let's just say the wife knows different. LOL

    Take Care


    PS : Fixed the name spelling. I have a friend named Ronda and she spells it that way. I don't know other Rhonda's so it is bad habit I will blame on her. LOL

    Edited by - kenpodragon on 11 October 2002 20:41:32

  • pettygrudger

    Hey - I know what you mean too, at work everyone knows I'm on the computer, feeding my ex-Jw addict habit, at home - my hubby thinks different!

    P.S. working on that homework assignment you gave me! You definitely have a flair for the written word. (And I'm not kissing up to ya just cause of our little argument - I do need to get to know someone, even through reading their thoughts, before I jump to conclusions) But look out hee hee hee.....

  • kenpodragon

    I have kind of a comical post on this on the other board. You would get a kick out of it. By the way, I am so not upset, angry, perturbed or anything with you ... so no kissing up needed.

    Just remember I take small inspirations from my day to write. They might not have anything to be about you, but something in the day might have triggered a memory of something else.

    My thought


    Edited by - kenpodragon on 11 October 2002 20:50:18

  • Beck_Melbourne

    I take small inspirations from my day to write

    I like it that you do this, because quite often what inspires you to write are ordinarly things that most of us have also encountered in our day to day lives.

    As for that couple you is ironic you should post this, because a couple of days ago I wrote out a thread similar, and I deleted it thinking me to be silly. But this is what happened to me:

    Andy and I were in the supermarket doing our usual grocery shopping. While I sauntered down the milk and cheese aisle my favourite song (for today) came on the supermarket radio...(Beenie Man and Janet Jackson, "Can You Feel It Boy") such a cool song. Anyway, its got a tune you just wanna jig to...and so (which is typical of me, must be my native blood, sheesh) I do a little shimmey here and a little jig there....a little click of the fingers here and there, and start to get a real groove going. Anyway....Andy puts down the product in his hand and he turns to me and says "Love, I don't think you should wear that top with those pants again"

    WTF??? Of course I lost my groove immediately and started to feel self conscious and frumpy. Later in the car he asked why I was so quiet...and I just told him that I feel like a big boomba and I'm embarassed. Being a man (no offense to the men) he looked at me dumbfounded and wanted to know what had happened to the jolly mood I was in while we were shopping. I chose my words carefully, as I do when I'm emotional (Not really LOL) and I explained to him that I felt that I was happy, the mood was wonderful, I was inoffensively enjoying a song that made me feel happy....and if I have mismatched my clothes or if I don't look terribly attractive to him at that moment in time, then I would have preferred it if he chose another moment to tell me...his timing was a bit off IMO.

    Now before you all say that it is better he tells me then to let me walk around looking like an idiot in front of other people, well yes that is true....however there were no people around...not a soul. My little moment of jiggy jig happiness wasn't offending anyone and I wasn't making a fool of myself at that particular moment in time. However, it was 7pm and I had been wearing the same things all day wasn't until that moment that Andy had noticed something he thought I would rather hear from him, then anyone else. It could have waited until we got home...I would have been much more appreciative if he'd said on the drive home, "Love, i only just noticed now, but that top doesn't look good on you with those trousers". My reaction would have been "really?? why?? what can you see that i can't??" It's all about timing IMO. My happiness turned into a sulkie brood from one simple comment said at the wrong time.

    Contrary to what most men think, there is a RIGHT time to tell a woman her ass is looking a bit big, or she's packing on a bit of weight...and it doesn't always hurt the hearer....not me at least.

    My thoughts on your thoughts.


  • Golden Girl
    Golden Girl

    You were angry ..peturbed or upset ? Would you expect people to kiss your Asse then?

    I read many of the posts about you on the on Religious boards. To this day I will never firgure out how you do it! You always end up with them Kissing your asse! Wish I had that talent!

    One question though!

    Please read your comment to me in the following link.The one regarding how you save ALL my posts? Well if you did..would you mind showing me the one where I allegedly said cruel things to Jennie? I am only bringing this up because YOU made reference to it in your posts today on Tim's board. Why are you still trying to make it out that I did that? Show me the supposed post if you saved everything.Did you also save the posts where I told Jenny how sorry I was that she got the Caner back..And I was hoping all would go well because she was choosing the stronger Chemo ? And how right up to he end we were all hoping she would get stronger and beat it? And how we al sent her cards? Including me ! Regarding your accusations...alll I remember is someone ELSE said that they didn't believe Jenny..that she was just someone on the computer and could make up any story she wanted. I said that was the poster....but I never said Jenny was lying. Show me that post!

    The other thing you are angry about is that I and some other posters told Randy that he shouldn't tell peope that he could "Cure" Cancer! There is NO cure for Cancer...just treatments..hopefully leading to a cure! I will stand by that statement.

    Randy responed by saying we should put a gun in out mouth and blow our heads off...remember that? You defended him! Why? beause he was the boyfriend of one of "Your friends". He got kicked off the boards for his abusive language!

    I started on you like Rhonda?sp.. and Driftwood did! I started to expose your lies to the people on the boards...But I did not back down like she is! That is really what is making you so mad isn't it? You seem to have the need to 'control" everyone. I asked Tim one day if you were Randy. Your addresses are so close in Oregon... if not the same!..He said you were able to control your temper..Randy wasn't .Could have fooled me! You are just sneakier!

    So anyway..put up this so called damaging evidence against me or shut up! And don't try and pull a fast one like you did last time. Like signing my name with 2 zero's to make it look like my posts. SNOOZY is me...SN00ZY is you! [)]..Nice try .I wonder how long it took you to think up that little stunt!

    Acording to your also said it was your goal to "Warn " Everyone about me! Does that include E mailing everyone that showed their E Mail address on Tim's board?

    About the lies you have been telling everyone about me.. Either put up or shut up. And I don't care how many people come to your defense..You and I still know the truth! They are just going by what YOU tell them! And you have probably told them so much they actually think they saw what you are saying... You have a wonderful way with words.You can twist people around to believe anything you tell them.Just like Lucifer!

    I had people E Mail me that you were still E Mailing them about things that happened over a year ago between us. Isn't it time to give it up? Why do you always try to find things that are so evil to do?

    I saw your post where you gave a illustration of the scorpo and the fox?. It was a cruel parable. Then you had the nerve to post that it was intended for me! And laughed about it! There were many more potshots weren't there!..And you did this right after I announced to the board that my Husband was just diagnosed with terminal Cancer ! Neither you nor your "Buddies" said anything to me! No.... I'm so sorry or anything! All I can say is that you are one of the cruelest people I have ever met!.And you cerainly do hold a grudge..even though you post otherwise. All a person has to do is read through all your posts here!

    And regarding your last post saying that you found it comical...we know better..It is eating you up inside that someone dared to talk that way about you! is the link..I feel about you? Still waiting for your proof tho!


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