Here's a thought...In order to make three people whom you care about happy ,you had to sacrifice your own happiness, would you do it?
Bring it on....
What would you do?
by troucul 19 Replies latest social family
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RevMalk
Ummmm, I'm rarely happy anyway, so count me in. At least if I sacrifice what's left of my happiness I'll have consistency A knaves religion is always the rottenest thing about him." John Ruskin, 19th-century British critic and author
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Elsewhere
I did that until I was 25... then I couldn't stand it anymore and left the bOrg.
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manicmama
Absolutely not. How can you make anyone else happy if you are not happy with yourself??
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Mac
Yea, that's a thought.
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Celia
Trou duCul,
Welcome back.... I agree with ManicMama : how can you make others happy if you are miserable yourself ?
I am depressed and feel miserable, and the whole family suffers !
edited, because it is ManicMama and not MamicMama...
Edited by - Celia on 8 October 2002 19:7:41
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LyinEyes
Depends, could you tell us a little more? Does this involve just your children?
Ihave three kids and gawd, they are a handful. If I were to be the perfect supermom, I would not have time to take a bath. So, my house is usually a mess, dishes to be washed, clothes waiting, but we have time to sit outside and talk, watch the kids play . It took me awhile to stop trying to get it all done, because, you know what , being a mom, you could cook and clean until midnight.
I think it is important to give yourself some time too, vital even. I have a husband that helps with everything in the home as well as works, he spends time with the kids everyday. So I guess this is a whole diff. matter if you are a single mom with no help. I am just guessing, so if you could tell what you mean it would be easier to understand.
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troucul
Merci pour le lecon gramatique, Celia...et oui, j'aime ta reponse...
As far as my situation, wife wants desperately to get back together...if I do that, I'm going to be miserable and wind up killing myself. I just don't love her. (We have a loooooong history) I suppose kids would be better off, but like you guys said, how can I make anyone else happy if I'm not?
That's it in a nutsack,
A plus, mes puces
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tranquility
I agree with LyinEyes, need more information.
But really, how can you make someone else happy if you are not. I think the questions are "Why are you not happy?" and "What makes you happy?" I have to assume this is family related (all three people being affected by one action) so, if these three people contribute to your happiness in any way I think you owe it to yourself and them to find out what is missing in you and work on that.
Again assuming this is family related, it can be very rewarding to see your family grow, change, and thrive. I am married and have two children. I know I am depressed if I know that my family is not happy and they are not happy if I am not happy (viscious cycle, I know). I also know that only I can stop the cycle, I make myself happy. For me, it is family, but every so often I take time just for ME. Guess you have to look at the big picture.
So if you still want an opinion, give me some more information.
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tranquility
Sorry you posted while I was typing. Now that I know more... You asked for an opinion so here goes:
First question, why are you so miserable with her? You say you don't love her, yet you are considering getting back together? Is there something there, just buried under "looooooong history"?
People change, sometime they grow together sometimes they grow apart. However, if there was something there at some point (there had to be your married and have kids) it can be rekindled. It may take time and energy, which seem silly since love should be easy, but once you dealt with each others issues it would be easy because you would both know what the other needed and wanted.
You said the kids would be better off, did you ever think that maybe you would be better off also. As I said in my other post, watching your family grow, change and thrive can be quite rewarding. If, and think about this, you worked through that "looooong history" and fell back in love with her you would have your family intact and you would be happy. I know in the Borg counseling was disapproved (and Im assuming you are no longer in), but have you considered it? If you never really try, you will never know. That old clich is true "the grass isnt always greener on the other side" yet sometimes it is. No easy answers, but my opinions regarding family tend to lean to the "think about the big picture".
Edited by - tranquility on 9 October 2002 10:54:42
Edited by - tranquility on 9 October 2002 10:57:4