Am I the only 'fruit cake" here?

Marilyn

Before I confess to my rediculous weakness, I just want to assure everyone that I've been out for over 20 yrs - disfed for apostasy - that's true apostasy, as I stopped believing in God. I (& hubby) were disfed in 1981. Never met another apostate or read anything apostate when we left. Thought our way out unaided. I don't have much residual baggage (that I'm aware of). I think the WTS is barking mad - that's putting them in a kind light. But then that was one of the things I'd said to my brother who assisted the judicial committee.

Yesterday I watched the video of the Aussie version of Dateline and Panorama. (excellent stuff btw) Anyhoo, when they show all those wholesome little dubbies sitting at the convention dutifully listening to the speaker I feel irrationally drawn in. I feel the old pull. It's like I'm transported back in time and I'm not thinking, I'm responding to old emotion. I believe my conversion to dubdom was very emotive. I was influenced by an ideal of what I thought they represented. When I found it was all smoke and mirrors I snapped out of it, but when I get a glimse of them, back at the coal face as it were, it seems to trigger a brief but undeniable warm fuzzy feeling. Then I listen to the speaker and then I snap out of it. Same old, same old, manipulation. THE antidote!

I wonder if I'm alone in this momentary reaction?

Marilyn

Prisca

No, you're not alone - I know the feelings you are talking about. I think it's even stronger for me, as I was born into the cult, so all that stuff is part of my heritage & culture. It's a real pull to have to walk away from.

BTW, having met you Marilyn, I wouldn't describe you as a "fruitcake" - you're too nice a person for that.

DannyBear

Hello Sis,

For a moment I thought this was going to be another 'favorite pizza' (fruitcake) thread.

You brazen apostate hussy! Now Iam depressed, you get df'd for true apostacy...me ordinary adultery. I tell you life ain't fair!!! Oh well almost anyway of getting out is better than remaining a life long wt zombie.

Yes the smooth lilt of wt speak can mesmerize and enchant. It really isn't hard to understand why 6 million have fallen prey. After 120 yrs of lieing, you get pretty good at it. I like Prisca's expression that when you have been raised in it, it is almost exactly like some kind of ethnic cultural heritage. So true.

So Marilyn if your a fruitcake, its certainly not the one people joke about throwing out every christmas. There is one particular fruitcake from a little town in southern Georgia USA....I would love to be tasting right this moment. As I remember they get orders from around the world.

So no worries sweet fruitcake.

Danny

onacruse

Fruitcake? Naw. Nut case? Maybe. LOL

I get the same feelings when I glance through a Watchtower, pick up my Interlinear, or respond to posts/chat about Bethel. Fact is, I do have lots of good memories from my 40 years in the org. It wasn't ALL bad ALL the time. It's only natural for the pleasant memories to be evoked by revisiting the circumstances in which they occurred. Like going back to the restaurant where I went out on my first date with my 2nd wife...the marriage went sour 17 years later, but I still fondly recall that night.

Utopia is a wonderful and fascinating vision, and imho that is probably what draws most people to the org...no pain, no death, no crime, no hunger...many (most?) people DREAM about a world like that.

That the org has hijacked that dream to serve their own ends does not invalidate the vision. I just keep trying every day to separate that vision and my daily happiness from the conditioning of the org...they are not one in the same.

Craig

Marilyn

Dear Prisca, Yes I can imagine it must be so difficult for you. There must be times you want to shut your eyes and submit. It's just not that easy though is it? Once you know the truth about the religion you cannot just shut your eyes and drift off into blissful ignorance. The seductive emotion is just transitory - it's just weird though.

thanx for the nice words. I thought the program was excellent btw. That boy, the artist, was very impressive. So genuine.

g'nite.

Marilyn

Danny, I didn't mean to play one upmanship over my disfellowshipped status. Hey my disfellowhipping was better than yours, kinda thing. It's just that I don't think people who find another belief system are apostate. A true apostate, is one who's forsaken God. Btw I wish I'd gone out with a bang like you!!!!!!!!! :-))))))))))) We just can't help it can we? Aussies are so course!

Craig, thanx for your comments. I feel quite reasured to know I'm not the only one. Not so nutty after all!!

Marilyn

DannyBear

Marilyn,

I guess that's why I love you Aussie's so much, when expressing yourselves orally or in written fashion, the honesty and "coursness" is endearing. Not to mention all the other colloquialisms that sound good, mate.

Danny

DanTheMan

Marilyn wrote:

I believe my conversion to dubdom was very emotive. I was influenced by an ideal of what I thought they represented

I couldn't have put it better if I tried. When I was studying Watchtowerism, I totally idealized JW's, I thought I had found a people who had discovered Utopia. It didn't take too long after I was baptized to start noticing that not everything was as hunky-dorey in WT land as I thought at first. But they lay all this stuff on you constantly about how you shouldn't complain, shouldn't question Jerhover's arrangement, shouldn't let your bro stumble you, over and over. The bottom-line of all these "reminders" is, is that if you have any beef with anything in the Org, then you are the problem, you are the one that needs to be readjusted. This guilt tactic was very effective in keeping me in and unthinking long after I saw how flocked-up things were.

I feel the pull, too, the mindless existence of being a JW is comforting, and how nice it would be if it were all true. But once you know the truth about the truth, how can you go back? Everytime my mind starts to go down that road, it doesn't take too long for me to remember what it was really like, and I come back to reality.

Edited by - dantheman on 29 September 2002 9:26:1

Victor_E

What happens in situations like that Marilyn is that certain stimuli triger age regresion, these are called anchors. Any of of the five senses can be pathways to transport you back into time to access those pleasurable feelings. It is like going into a light trance as you described it. It is not uncommon to be mesmerized by mental images or by seeing it through your eyes the activities you once engaged in ie; meeting, door to door sales, conventions. It feels like you are in a dissociated state to where you are in two places at the same time, for sure you don't feel grounded and completely in your body. When you have that waking to reality feeling is when the trance is broken.

Undecided

I get those feelings all the time. I guess I have called at every door in this county and when I drive down a road I haven't been on in a while I remember calling on those homes, having a bible study here and there and wondering what has happened to those people. I also remember being with my parents and others that I don't see anymore. I just seem to remember the good times. I remember the times when I was young, so most of the ones I knew are dead now. It makes me sad instead of angry.

Ken P.

Am I the only 'fruit cake" here?

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