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asortafairytale

I was raised in the Truth, and until the age of 18, very active(although never baptized). I stopped going to meetings and out in service when I came to terms with being a lesbian. I just felt like I was wasn't being true. Whether to Jehovah, or to me, I'm still not sure.

It's been almost 3 years since I left, and I guess the string they tied around my button is pretty sturdy, because I still feel the tug to go back. I have a wonderful girlfriend, and I'm not willing to give her up. She doesn't understand why I feel the way I do; she believes I should shun the Witnesses and move on with my life. I've tried explaining that it isn't that easy, but she just doesn't get it...

Tonight at work, a lady from the hall came up and told me that there is an assembly this weekend, and that I should go. Maybe that is why I feel so torn tonight. Sometimes I just really want to go back, and others I am so glad that I'm not. Sigh...

anyone feel like I do?

jesussaves

I did feel that way when I first left. I was also raised in as a JW. Have you read Crisis of Conscience? After I read that book, every feeling of guilt and every tie to them was broken.

Rogue_Protecter

Hi there fairietale,

I know how u feel..I was also raised in the org 3rd generation even ..alot of things have happened to me in the past year and I have thought maybe it was because of not being involved..But after being here for a while and reading and studing the "Truth" in ways you were told not to by them I know what they have is not the "Truth"..and I have no interest at all in going back..and The people here are great and glad to help out..

So welcome to the Board..If ya need want feel free to email and will be glad to chat with ya..

pincushion

asortafairytale...your feelings and emotions are very normal. After all it is hard to shake the system you lived in for 18 years of your life. Hooray to you for being able to identify with your sexuality and start a life for yourself! Be proud of who you are, not what 18 years of preaching says you should be. May I suggest you read the differnet topic on this forum..perhaps the beliefs and doctrines..you will be surprised of the constant contradictions that come out of the Watchtower Society. If you were at a traffic light that was broken you would proceed through the intersection with caution. Campare this to broken and dismantled scriptures, entering such a faith, one has to proceed with caution...to protect themselves. Kudo's to you for being able to leave the Borg...many are still stuck in the wrath.

nilfun

Welcome to the board, asortafairytale

After being inactive for about eight years
I can say that I don't miss it at all.
I could never be a JW and be true to myself at the same time.
If you ever went back, you would have to
deny who you are. You would have to get back in the closet.
Way back in the closet.
Your girlfriend has the right idea. Sounds like she really cares about you.
have you checked out A Common Bond? http://www.gayxjw.org/

Ephanyminitas

Fairytale, I've felt a similar tug. Even though I've learned so much dark stuff about the Society, even now and then I'll feel that tug. I feel it mostly because my parents are JWs and I hate breaking their heart as I am. But I stand my ground because this way is what makes me happy. (Greek proverb: the believer is happy; the doubter is wise.) I'm a freethinker, dagnabbit! And there's NO room in the organization for guys and gals like me.

Someone else who will write later -- perhaps after she gets back from out of town -- is in similar shoes as you -- i.e., having a partner that can't quite understand the horrid attachment to the organization. Unless you're raised in it, you can't understand. It's almost like the organization is a part of you because it's been there all your life. It's tough to shed your attachment.

I can tell that you're torn because you called the organization "the Truth." You'll soon find that it's not the truth. You'll learn about the lies, the deceit, the greed, the sins -- everything. I haven't read Crisis of Conscience yet, but I've heard nothing but good things about it. So check it out.

You can't deny who you are. If you're a lesbian, then that's what you are (at least for now). Don't live your whole life trying to suppress who you are. It won't work. It's like a boiling pot: the pressure will rise and rise and rise, until -- bam! -- you explode (figuratively, I'd imagine).

You're free to make your own choice. But don't go back. You've got to tear yourself away. At the end of your life, all you'll have is happiness or regret. Live life like you want. It's your life to do with as you please. Nobody else's. Yours. Live it up -- as yourself.

plmkrzy

Dismembered

Welcome Asorta

Yes the tug is part of the healing process. Stand your ground.

And Welcome

CC Ryder

Welcome to JWD Asorta'!!!! JJrizo is right, you seem to be happy with your life now. Don't step backwards after all the progress froward you have made. Spend time here researching and listening to others experiences. You'll find a wealth of information here and will lead you to other sites as well to help show you that you made the right choice at 18!!! Stay with us and keep posting.

CC Ryder

alirobbi

Hi asorta,

As others have already told you, what you are feeling is pretty normal. it's just part of the process of leaving. nilfun gave you the URL of A Common Bond. You might want to check it out. There is also a message board with the site where some of us post. You might want to check it out too. It's at http://disc.server.com/Indices/149923.html

I would also suggest reading Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. it's an amazing book. And also would suggest maybe your GF read it. It helped me understand my GF alot better.**hugs**

Robin

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