I dont think I can take it anymore

mamashel

I have only posted a few times so far, and I dont want to sound like a constant complainer or whiner, but I really need someone to talk to and some feed back. We used to go to the elders with problems, and I have turned and leaned on you all now. First I would like to thank you all for your kind and caring feedback.

My daughter has broken my heart. We have been so close, maybe too close. As some of you know, she became pregnant about 7 months ago and she is only 17. The worst part is this is her second child. My husband and I have 6 children. This is deffinately a house full, because she has lived with us with her son also, and now pregnant with another boy. I have NEVER made her feel like she could not stay with us. We have both worked and taken care of her and her son. Not any problem to do so, we love them both. The problem is she is very rebellious, and since she had her first child, at 15, she has the mentality that she is GROWN, if you know what i mean. So she feels as though no one can tell her what to do, or her son. We have been fighting on a daily basis, because of the situation with the young man that has her pregnant now. He was a baptised brother, and she was studying for baptism. They neither one go any more, he was not df'd, but she lost all her privilages, and was terribly shunned. Anyway, they just expect us to let them see each other and go out on the weekends. Well the biggest problem is my husband hate him, because (I mines well tell you why) she became pregnant because they had sex in our house late at night while EVERYONE was home and asleep. That takes big balls in my opinion, so it is quite hard for hubby to look him in the eye. And before anyone judges us, I know it takes 2, so we blame her just as much, but he is 21 and she is 17, I thought he should be alittle more responsible, even though I drilled her over and over and over to use protection. She cannot use the pill, or other types of birth control, she has a terrible reaction to them.

Ok, so now, we have been fighting constantly, because she is mad at me because I had to go back to work and could not watch her son so she could work. She blames everyone else for everything and feels like everyone owes her something. We got into it really bad yesterday over her boyfriend, who by the way has been out of a job for 5 months, and is an electrician ( i know there is work out there). My husband is a forman on a construction site, and offered him a job at $12 an hour, and he said he didnt like that TYPE of work, whatever, hell, I'll pick up blocks for $12 an hour. hehe

So anyway, we are yelling and screaming yesterday, and she balls up her fist at me. Now I dont know about any of you, but that is a no no in this house. She refuses to abide by our rules, and yes at 17 there are still rules. Well that made things worse, I grabbed her by her face, I didnt hit her but she got mad and pushed my hand away. That was it, I told her if she did not do as she was told, she had to go. She said "I'm leaving then". So she calls loverboy, to come and get her. This big chicken shit, (sorry had to go there) pulls up in front of the house, down the street and makes her walk to his car with 2 garbage bags full of clothes, 7 months pregnant.

I dont know what to do. It is so stressful when she is here, my husband knows, that I am constantly sick. She moved out when she first found out she was pregnant, but the girl she moved in with got evicted, so she had to move back home.

I have done all for her I know to do, I dont know what else I can do, and it is breaking my heart. I know kids and even grown people have to learn by mistakes, I just dont know what she is going to do with 2 kids at 17. I cry myself to sleep all the time. And the one thing that stuck out in my head she said when I asked her what their plans were (and I dont want her to get married if she doesnt want to marry him) she just says, i dont know yet, or we'll think of something later. There is no later, the baby id due in 3 months and they have no plans. Oh, and here's the real kicker, he picked her up last night to take her home with him, but he still lives with mommy, Wonder what mommy has to say about this.

Well thanks for listening to my lengthy story. Please help me with some suggestions. And please remember, maybe not in her eyes, she is still really a child.

Thanks

Shelley

LB

I have a niece very much like her. She too has found herself pregant at 17 but this will be her first child. She too thinks she has all the answers.

This is difficult for you but, she can't continue to live in your home like this. He doesn't want to work, she wants to make rules and so on. This won't work. They've done the "crime" and now it's time to pay for it. Don't enable her.

I am sure she can get some help from the government but I suggest telling her it is time to move out. You have your own home and you and your husband live by the rules of the home you two pay for. If she isn't willing to then it's time for her to get her own home and make up her own rules. You can still babysit for her and have her over for meals, but it's time for her to move on.

You say she isn't an adult yet and in some ways that is true. But although young she is going to be a mother of two. That's not a child. Now is the time for her to act like an adult. I doubt she ever will while living in your home.

Hopefully she isn't dumb enough to be smoking or drinking now. It really is time for her to understand that it's all about the baby now and not herself anymore. That was a tough lesson for my niece.

ugg

no advice,,,,,just letting you know that i am sending you heartfelt love and understanding!!!!!

roybatty

Just wondering how she has time to go out when she has one son to take care of and another one on the way? I might sound harsh but she needs to realize that mom and dad aren't going to be there to clean up her messes anymore. Living under your roof, no matter how old she is, she has to abide by your rules. No need to argue. No need to fight. No need to drive here away. Simply put, "we love you but these are the rules of the house. You've made some poor decisions recently but we have confidence that you can take responsibility for your actions and we'll help when and where appropriate ."

Gerard

Quit the JW. Quit the WT. She is likely rebelious to their mind control and their shunning.

scootergirl

I just dont know what she is going to do with 2 kids at 17

I too may be too harsh with this statment, but maybe it is time that SHE figures it out. As a parent you can only do so much for her. At 17 and TWO children, I think it is time for your daughter to stand on her own two feet and start finding solutions on her own.

I totally agree with roybatty........110%

I might sound harsh but she needs to realize that mom and dad aren't going to be there to clean up her messes anymore. Living under your roof, no matter how old she is, she has to abide by your rules. No need to argue. No need to fight. No need to drive here away. Simply put, "we love you but these are the rules of the house. You've made some poor decisions recently but we have confidence that you can take responsibility for your actions and we'll help when and where appropriate ."

You have 5 other children to think of.......think of what kind of example she is showing them by her actions. And think of what you are telling your other children if you allow this daughter to behave the way she has been.

nilfun

((((Mamashel)))), There's nothing like a mother's love. She's lucky to have a Mom that has done so much for her. I don't think I can give you much advice here, but you have my admiration for how far you have been willing to go for her. To me, you daughter sounds like a beautiful butterfly in a jar, newly emerged from her chrysalis. If she doesn't get out of the confines of her jar(home) and spread her wings, they harden as a crumpled mass and will become useless. She will never know what it is like to unfold her wings and fly on her own.

StinkyPantz

If she's underage I'd get custody of the two grandkids until she shaped up.

Mathetes

The best thing you can do for her at this point is give her a lesson in reality. Abide by your house rules GRACIOUSLY or get out. It is not reality for her to think that she can have sex out of marrige, without birth control, without difficult consequences. Also not reality that she and her boyfriend don't work, live rent free (I'm guessing) with their parents, and want the privledges of being grown up when they've taken on virtually none of the responsibilities of an adult.

People will treat you how you allow them to, and if you continue to allow this, she'll walk all over you for the rest of her life. You mentioned having 6 kids- are the other 5 younger and still at home? They're watching what goes on, and learning important lessons from it, whether good or bad. Your showing 'tough love' here just might save your other kids from going down the same path as your 17 year old.

I sympathize, and know how hard it is to get tough with my own kids. As a parent you love them so much, and want them to have every advantage. But Proverbs 29:21 is a good one to keep in mind: "If one is pampering one's servant from youth on, in his later life he will even become a thankless one."

Best wishes.

Shutterbug

One of the best things my daughter ever said to me was about a year after she left home to go to the big city. One evening she called and asked if I remembered all that stuff I had told her about the real world. I said yes and she says "well, it's all true." Hopefully when daughter has to deal with the harsh world she will come around. Meanwhile, be ready to pick her up. Bill

I dont think I can take it anymore

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