ladies , its not just me, is it?.. (page 2)

Ruby456

what you say is true, somewhatnow.

and yes I agree that there has been a massive cultural shift and xjws and others like us are affected the most. The modern world has become so very individual oriented while our culture within JWs was totally family oriented and patriarchal to boot.

At least there is sympathy for our plight - i.e. it is at least recognized that while society demands that we each be independent we are not given the tools to do so. Somewhathnow - absolutely yes, there have been studies done on this question in sociology for example. One of my favourite sociologists Zygmunt Bauman has written quite a lot about this.

for ourselves I guess it is a two way street in that we have to meet society half way - doing what we can to take advantage of any opportunities that come up but recognizing that the independency demand may undergo another cultural shift and it won't be as huge for the next generation. Maybe we will be the trailblazers who leave a trail that wasn't as suffocating as the old patriachal one but still not as hugely demanding as the one xjw women face now.

Sail Away

Sowhatnow, I think this is an interesting and worthwhile topic to explore. Culturally (here is the US anyway) higher education, independence and self-sufficiency seem to come first these days. Yet a college degree gets many people absolutely nowhere but into a lot of debt. It seems difficult for young adults to merge their college educations and careers, make a commitment, get married and form a family-- whose career or job takes precedence when it comes to choosing where to live?

I do think it goes both ways, however. My son is a highly skilled young man in a management position who works hard and is paid well, but he lives in an area where the cost of living is very high. This is where he needs to be to get the kind of work he does, so he shares a condo with another guy. He is not college educated by choice, because he is profoundly dyslexic and struggles with academic work. He is a capable, kind-hearted guy with a keen sense of humor, but he is definitely an introvert. His JW childhood sweetheart (now deceased wife) was the love of his life. He has been ready to move on for years and just can't find the right woman. He feels like he is judged as "not good enough" to be husband material by college-educated women, and he finds many of the women his age to be very immature socially and all caught up in the drama of social media and the bar scene. He wants to date a grownup.

I totally get where you are coming from as well. As an ex-JW with no college education myself, I keep running in to roadblocks. Everything I would like to do seems to require a degree. I gave up the change to go to college to "pioneer where the need is great" in the late '70s. At this late stage in my life, with my husband retiring next year or sooner, it is just not economically feasible for me to go to college. If I found myself in the dating pool, I think I would be in much the same position as you are, except maybe a little more financially secure. A little.

I do think what others have said about self esteem is a huge factor. We were told our whole lives that we were simply good-for-nothing slaves, and nothing we ever did measured up as JWs. As I tell my son, it seems the only thing to do is to learn to be happy and healthy in our own lives, pursue our own interests and develop our own talents and maybe, just maybe the right opportunity will present itself. If we continue to challenge ourselves and are in a good place emotionally, mentally and physically, I think that finding a marriage partner or a new path in life is much more likely to happen.

Giordano

Ok this is going to be a little silly but I'm in a silly mood.

All's fair in love and war. Time to go hunting.

Find out where the Assemblies are in your area and go cruising. Show up late and check out who else is late. A guy that already looks bored would be a great possibility......... perhaps a fader.

The thing about assemblies is you can see who's married or in a relationship. So check out the guys who sit out of harm's way texting. If they are alone they are probably single. If they are not part of a group, not glad handing other brothers or waving at people they are a potential candidate. Line up a couple of the best prospects.

The Approach.

You go up to him and say 'Hi I think I remember you from (Name a circuit). No...... oh sorry. I've been out for a while thought I'd see what's changed.' He's either going to smile at you and start a conversation or look uncomfortable.

If he starts talking with you the next step is to say you were about to go for a walk and find a good cup of coffee. Invite him to join you. If he's willing to leave the Assembly for conversation and a coffee that would be a really good sign. You will have a bunch of stuff to talk about.

FayeDunaway

Except, giordano, usually people who come to the assemblies who don't really want to be there are doing it for their mates!

DJS

SoWhatNow,

I told myself NOT to enter an OP about dating, as I have a bad picker. Please, listen to LisaRose and a few of the others. Having said that, everyone has a right to want what they want. You shouldn’t judge men who want an independent woman with her own income. Like a lot of men, I’ve paid for almost everything associated with dating and I was the sole income earner when I was married (long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away). So now I won't accept someone who can't or won't pay their fair share.

For over 2 decades I’ve been single; most of that time I wasn’t in or pursuing a relationship. However, I like girls. A lot. Well, girl parts actually, but that’s another OP. Anyway, when I have been looking for a relationship, I have an ever increasing list of things that I am looking for and another for things I won’t accept.

You think you got problems finding someone? Try finding a blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful, brainy, busty, bisexual who is sane, kind, generous and rational. Oh, and whose father owns a liquor store.

Obviously with a list like that there are times when I‘ve had to jettison some of the requirements. On several occasions I’ve waived the liquor store thing-ey, for example. And since no woman is truly sane and rational, I’ve had to give up on those too. But I’ve held on to the more important things.

Otherwise, you seem to be a very nice person with a lot to give. Do not minimize your gifts. As others have stated, there is a someone out there for you, looking for you. Good luck.

Doctor Who

From the few chats we have had, you seem to be a wonderful person. Don't let a few bad dates get you upset. Since I have decided to fade, I have tried to wet my feet in the dating pool. Guess what? I am having absolutely horrible luck! The last one, she was a meme. Everything always turned to her. Me this, me that! I was starting to think that it was all me. Then I realized something. Being a witness for so long, I have lost the ability to date. The ability to interact and see qualities that I wanted in a girlfriend. So, I took a step back. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a witness get together at a park. I went to be with my sister. When there, I saw this one sister just staying around the perimeter. Not really interacting. So I went to her and introduced myself. Well, long story short...she has major doubts. Pretty much marked in her congregation. I find her fascinating.

So, what am I trying to say? Don't give up! I kind of like Giordano suggestion. Pretty much what I did. Is this going to work out for me? Who knows? Will it work for you? Again, who knows? Just don't let it get you down. Hell.....if this doesn't work out for me, I may have to get in contact with you ;P

FlyingHighNow

There is a lot to be said for focusing on you and getting on your feet. Being single is not bad. Being single is a gift of the luxury of getting to know and to like YOU. Develop confidence and good self esteem. Find out what you want to do in life and which direction you want to go. Along the way, you will meet men, hopefully single men, who are great guys, that appreciate your experience and wisdom, who genuinely like you, because you are you.

Are you truly this lonely that you feel you need to look for men on dating sites? I think you'll be looking for a needle in a haystack, trying to find the one. I think that will happen in your day to day life. I hear all the time that men are the ones who luck out on dating sites, not the other way around.

FayeDunaway

If men luck out on dating sites, some women are lucking out too.

ive talked to numerous people lately who have gone the dating site route and some have found their soulmate. Everyone is always a bit shy to say that's how they met, but it's perfectly ok. Ex witnesses often don't have many social networks for meeting other singles.

Sowhatnow, keep trying!

(And also keep thinking about and pursuing what it is that makes YOU happy.)

zimunzucz

I'm going to tell you what will probably work- you will find a husband. It's up to you next.

Go to Williston, ND for a 2 week trial. The place is packed with men working the Baaken shale oil fields.

Many of the service jobs pay $15-$20/hr, too. Find a job in a place that has a steady flow of people, like a restaurant.

The men make good money and many of them are well to do ranchers, but they have no one to love. I see a large number of hale and hearty looking men in the Dakotas looking for a relationship on the POF website- set up a profile before you leave and see what happens ( make that area your home in your profile). On Craigslist, you can find jobs that include housing- very important! Next, get a cheap cellphone and set it up with a Dakota phone number, just in case you need to talk-

The unemployment in that area is under 2%. which means , if you are walking and breathing with some work experience, you will get hired.

zimunzucz

I was single for almost all of the 90's after my JW wife divorced me. I got pretty good at decoding personal adv's-

When she said, "must have horses", that means, must have money, land and a nice diesel PU truck.

I met my wife at a singles dance the Sunday after Xmas in 1999. I asked her to go with me to a year 2000 New years eve party. Six weeks later I asked her to marry me, she said yes. She was 45 and had never been married- she is a real lady- shy until she gets to know you. Being a divorced man, I had to win her heart. It will be 15 years for us this fall- and we have a teenage daughter who makes us a real family- we adopted her when she was a toddler. I think I am the only parent in her school who is on SS.

PS- I stopped mentioning I had been a JW years before that- it's the kiss of death on a date to talk about that wrong detour in life.

ladies , its not just me, is it?..

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