Some have asked how my views and convictions have changed over the past 15 years or so after leaving the Watchtower behind to return to my family’s roots and embrace Judaism. The best way to explain things is to allow both the religion of the Watchtower and my life as a Jew today to stand side-by-side for comparison.
While I can’t guarantee this will help prove to others that the Jehovah’s Witnesses are truly a crazy religious group, I am sure it will prove to most that Jews probably are, and are quite aware of it.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Take their religion seriously.
JEWS:
Love to make fun of their religion.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Jehovah is the true G-d, there is no Trinity, and no worship of idols.
JEWS:
Jehovah is the true G-d, there is no Trinity, and no worship of idols…unless it’s a celebrity, and the celebrity is Jewish and cute like Adam Levine.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Will not be voting in the next U.S. presidential election due to beliefs regarding neutrality.
JEWS:
Will not be voting for Jeb Bush in the next U.S. presidential election because last time we Jews took directions from a bush we ended up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Will not celebrate any holidays because they are of pagan origin.
JEWS:
Will celebrate any holiday generally because they are of pagan origin because Jewish holidays are just a way of saying: “Yea, ____ tried to kill us!”…and that kinda takes the fun out of it if you think too hard.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Gay weddings are a sin.
JEWS:
Gay weddings are not a sin. It’s the wedding night where you can bet there will be a lot of sinning going on! (Wink, wink.)
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Will be happy to share with you what they believe free of charge.
JEWS:
Will be happy to share with you what they believe, but only in Hebrew. And then they will charge you $300 for Hebrew lessons.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Will never solicit or beg for money. (Except on JW Broadcasting, where it’s not soliciting, it’s just a “timely reminder.”)
JEWS:
Will never solicit or beg for money. They don’t have to. They were smart enough to charge you $300 for Hebrew lessons (unlike the JWs).
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Think they know everything.
JEWS:
Don’t really care what Jehovah’s Witnesses think.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Come to your door with a message from the Governing Body.
JEWS:
Drink Manichewitz.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Don’t believe in Hell.
JEWS:
Experience Hell each time the JWs come to their door.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES:
Think they know more than the Jews about the Hebrew Scriptures.
JEWS:
Again don’t really care what Jehovah’s Witnesses think.
