by songmistress 15 Replies latest watchtower medical
you are not alone...depression is awful....stay in therapy and on meds...know that we all care
about you!!! hugs,,,hugs,,,, hugs,,,,,hugs,,,,,and more HUGS.....warm and lovng thoughts and more
hugs ....hugs....hugs....hugs....hugs.... hugs....hugs....hugs....hugs...hugs....hugs...and well,,you
get the point!!!!!
((((((((((((song)))))))))))))
There is a very good reason for living it is because this world is a better place with you in it. I'm sure if you asked your family they would agree whole heartedly. Cheryl I have many times heard that it is a very selfish act to commit suicide. I have a sister who has schizophrenia we have delt with her attempt to end her life so many times, my heart aches for her, it aches for you and anyone else who's spirit has been broken so badly. I fear also of the legacy she would leave my children and my neices, nephews ect...that when times get tough, life gets painful which it always does, suicide is the answer. That is the selfish part of it.....what it teaches young impressionable ones.
((((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))) Whoever or whatever caused this pain in you, and I do believe there is always a root cause, to act out in such a self destructive way is to give power to the very evil that created this thought in your mind. Please don't give into it. Use the tools at your disposal, ie; meds and the therapy you can get and work hard on overcoming those thought patterns. Ask your therapist about re-decision therapy and learn cognitive behavior to control bad thoughts. It worked for me Cheryl it took time and a lot of hard work but it was worth it, I'm worth it and YOU are worth it!! You are the reason to live!!
My email address is alway open to you, or you can call me whatever you need to get through this Cheryl I'm more than willing to help as are many other people here, we all love you please work on getting well.
(((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))
What reason is there to live?
About 11 yrs ago I felt the same way. I found a good psychiatrist and he tried several different antidepresants to find the right one.
He explained to me that at least in my case It had taken some yrs to get in the shape I was and it would take a year or more to get straightened out. He emphasized that I had to maintain the medical dosage he put me on.
He explained that it is this constant use of medication that will cause my body to produce the correct level of brain chemicals to do the job and at a sustained level. In other words my mind and body had to retrained to maintain the healthy level of brain chemicals
After about 3 yrs I gradually tapered off the medication and my body and brain kept the level at a healthy level. From time to time due to circumstances I would feel this depression creaping back in and I had to go back on meds. It has been 5 yrs now and I have had no need for the meds.
You can do this also. If I have ,you and others can also. I say that because I am not special or stronger in any way than you and others.
I understand the grief and sadness and feelings of worthlesness and even wanting to die. But you need to know that this can be overcome. Just thinking of what you must feel brings the tears to my eyes.
Another reason I survived is that I don't like the option of dying now. You and I and all others deserve to live out our lives and experience the joy that can come our way after the depression is conquered. You deserve to live and see all the good times that life can provide. BELIEVE that depression can be conquered, don't doubt for a minute that you can succeed. Please don't give up and miss out on what may be. As another post said, there is beauty and refreshing scenes to be found and enjoyed on this earth. There is Music, the sea shore, the animal life, and many good and caring people to get to know. Contrary to how we feel when depressed or part of a cult, this world is filled with loving kind and caring people and groups. We just have to make ourselves available to them to find a host of kind and caring friends.
Read the post by onacruse and absorbe the happiness that is described there. It only became available because Onacruse stuck it out and waited. And sure enough the happiness that was there and waiting became a reality. This will surely be waiting for you also. Please- Please.
Outoftheorg
Song,
There is only one honest answer I can give to your question. You will see all the reasons you have for living on a personal level, after all the crap clears. I'm not trying to be flip when I say this, because I speak from experience. I lost my life partner/significant other/lover/husband/soulmate to cancer last fall and I thought I was dealing with the reality of that, but I wasn't. Then I lost my father shortly thereafter and I went insane. After a serious bout with depression I made a very lame and very vocal cry for help in a stupid attempt at suicide and checked into a mental hospital where I thought I was coping with my illness, but again I was wrong. After my release from the hospital I still felt I had nothing to live for, so I might as well go out with and bang and have a good time trying to kill myself. I started using drugs and developed a serious substance abuse problem. Every waking moment of my life was consumed with trying my damndest to add even more crap to the huge load of crap that was my life at that time.
One morning this past spring I woke up, snorted about a half gram of cocaine, chugged down 3 cocktails and jumped in my car to take one of my cats to the vet for her checkup. Before I made it out of the driveway, thanks to fate or god or the universe or whatever, I looked down at my precious girl and realized for the first time that my behaviour wasn't only affecting me. It may sound trivial or simplistic, but even though I knew I didn't care if I lived or died, I damn sure cared what happened to that cat. I sat in that car for hours crying, laughing, talking to my cat, myself, my dead father and my dead partner until I realized that I needed professional help, and finally made the decision to commit myself to finding it.
After rehab, therapy and trying different anti depressants that my doctor recommended, the fog that had enveloped my life began to clear. Only then did I begin to understand that my previous decisions and actions had been guided by my mental illness and substance abuse. Those thoughts and feelings weren't REAL, they were the byproducts of chemicals and depression.
I'm not going to promise you that life is easy and that everything will be fantastic and wonderful some day because that's just not true. The good times will come, but there will always be crap from time to time as well. I will promise you that if you give it time and your full commitment, it will get easier to appreciate and enjoy your life, and that will definitely make it worth sticking around to live it.
Take care and know you are not alone in your struggle,
Kevin
I need to say thanks to all of you for answering and I am sorry if I scared anyone. This was not my intention. I know I am not alone, it just feels like it at times. The confusion such a state brings is making it hard to function. My brain is oatmeal at the moment, can barely remember my own name.
I will give prayerful or meditative consideration to what I have heard/read here. The question of reasons to live has been in my mind for years. Sometimes I feel very strongly that the gods are playing games with us and ultimately it doesn't really matter.
(((Ona))) I owe you a very large debt of gratitude for being close by and available at a moments notice. (((Everyone else)))) excuse the global hug but I am a bit overwhelmed right at the moment, so forgive me for not thanking you each personally, but as I read the posts, know I am thinking it.
FYI: We are looking for a psychiatrist to see me soon. I have been on a variety of meds over the years and do not tolerate most of them. My therapist (PsyD.) did make me sign a no harm contract last week and he, like others, have made themselves available to me 24/7. I do seem to be in good hands everywhere but in my soul. I have times when I feel pretty good, then I plummet into not giving a shit.
Well, when Biker and Ona get married, I guess I should have it in my plans to be able to be present huh???
Blessings to all
Cheryl
Here's the deal, sweetie!
Life drops some cards on your table - and you've been dealt a rather nasty Joker called the WTBTS. Makes you want to toss in your whole hand and forfeit your ante. Now you can't beat the dealer, cause you're going to lose out in the end, but you can give the dealer a hell of a run for his money by dropping that Joker right off the bat.
I'm bipolar, and labored for years under the delusion that God was staring like a burning sun into the back of my head at every thought I ever had. Guess what? The Society LIES!!! They aren't just wrong, or misguided, or stupid, they LIE maliciously to control you and feed their egos at the swelling ranks of drones that prove to themselves that they really ARE going to heaven. If you need proof of that, well, that's another forum.
So, I've tried suicide and all that jazz, but you know what? I like to live. It's fun. GOD MADE IT THAT WAY! Eden means pleasure, he wants his humans to have fun! 24/7! Jesus drank, spent a lot of time with prostitutes, got into fights, defied authority, hung out with low-class people, and basically was everything that the Old Fogies are terrified of.
So my practical suggestion to you is a threesome. And when you get over all that agonizing guilt and God hasn't smote you, and you realize you kind of liked it, then maybe you'll be ready to live a little. Build! Create! Make a better world, don't just sit around and pray for one!
Get mind numbingly drunk and try playing darts. Write a poem about your hangover the next morning. Get it published. Marry your publisher. Live happily ever after.
I could go on, and fully intend to for a long, long time.
CZAR
