I cant move on!!!!!

In_between_days

Well guys, I just cant do it. For a long time now I have been trying to get on with my life and try to forget the rage and hurt I feel at the WTBS. My resignation from the board a few weeks back was part of this. I had other reasons to leave too, but I thought that if I stopped visiting this site it would somehow stop me from constantly regurgitating my contempt for my former religion.

I have tried so hard, but I just keep coming back to my same old thoughts. It has been almost a year now since I found out the "real truth" but I am STILL so angry. Every wek I try to make a fresh start and not think about it, but then I will hear or read something from my parents or a friend about the org, and there I am again - bitter and resentful. Will the organisation always be a part of my life if my family and some friends are JW's? Is there no escape?

I dont want to live my life this way. Sometimes I get that great feeling that I am over it, and the org means nothing to me, but in the next hour something will happen and it will come back to haunt my mind yet again. Dont get me wrong, I am very happy, I just dont know how to move on, to just not care anymore about my previous life. I want to forget it all.

What can I do? What has worked for you? Does anger still drive you? If not, how did you take steps to eliminate it?

Experiences would be much appreciated.

IBD

larc

IBD, I have been out for a very long time, so it is hard for me to remember. I will say that what helped me, was getting involved in my work and my education. With the two together, I didn't much time to think about my past. That's what worked for me.

ISP

I think you got to deal with the responsibility issues. That involves condemnation of the WTS. Its not easy to move on, particularly if you had a bad time. Its a good idea to move on if you can. You can find the board helpful in some ways....in others it may not help.

ISP

Scarlet

I am not really sure IBD. I think I am over the pain and frustration and then I go and see my mom and It all comes back. I think time heals all.

Dawn

Sometimes I get that great feeling that I am over it, and the org means nothing to me, but in the next hour something will happen and it will come back to haunt my mind yet again.

The truth is.......the Org and what happened is actually a PART of you know. You can not ignore that - no matter how hard you try. I know - I tried it for 10+ years. I now accept that what happened in the past is a part of what makes me who I am now. By my experiences in the Org I have grown to be more accepting of people, understanding, appreciative of simple freedoms, and am in a unique position to help other individuals that are in high control situations (other JW's, cult members, even those in abusive situations).

My advice would be.......rather than trying to forget it all, take some time to take stock in what you have learned from the experience. How did this evolve you into who you are now - what strengths do you now have that you would not have without the experience - and how could you use these to better your life and those of others.

It would be great to walk away from it all and forget - but that just isn't possible. As we grow, EVERYTHING that happened to us in the past is a building block of our current existence and can not be wiped out. But the difference in making it or not is how you use that building block.

Zechariah

I think you trying to deceive yourself. Being a JW is like being a drug or alcohol addict. You are never completely free from its affects. You require support for the rest of your life to stay free of the emotional baggage of your past lifestyle. Our only security is never to forget where we came from and continue to help otHers on their road to recovery.

This gives us a unique purpose in life that nobody else can fill. It allows us to not be resentful of our experience but with faith we can regard our Watchtower captivity as a blessing preparing us to serve God properly by rescuing his people (those who love him) from this Babylonish (Babylon the Great) organization.

Whenever addicts use their experience as a way to serve others it becomeS their greatest form of therapy almost guaranteeing they will never return to the same or similar circumstance.

So forward Christian soldier. Don't abandon the fight.

Zechariah
GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH

jst2laws

In_between_days

There are a lot of good suggestions here. I especially liked larc's and Dawn's comments.

Getting over this is like adjusting to any other great loss. A close friend or relative may die and you grieve that terrible loss. You will never forget that person nor remove that person from your heart. But eventually it does not hurt so much to think about that person. You gradually go on with your life without the dismal cloud over your head and actually find new ways to enjoy life again. This will come to you.

Personally, I am still a spiritual person. I believe we are created with a spiritual nature within. Learning that one's religion was a fraud can leave an enormous hole in us that begs to be filled, with something other than panic and despair. Perhaps reading something that can help you fill that emptiness would help.

What you are going through sounds normal as long as it does not go on for years or result in major depression. If so, you need to get professional help locally.

I'm not much ahead of you. So what do I know. At least you are among friends who understand.

Jst2laws

Introspection

Well, you don't know the future right? How can you tell if, say, 5 years from now you will be just as stuck as you are now, or know where anything in your life will be, for that matter? One thing's for sure, if you keep telling yourself that then it's likely to be a self fulfilling prophecy. That's just one reason why fighting against it won't do you any good, you're only stirring things up in your mind. At the same time, it doesn't do any good to just ignore it either. Your best bet for determining the future is to really focus on the present. So the first step is acceptance, not acceptance with a heavy dose of "but I don't want to be here", that's the resistance. If you can only for one moment accept where you are totally and completely, then you're ready to actually move on. Don't go out and get yourself a five year plan or something either, and don't judge yourself just because you don't seem to be getting very far up until now. Time is not an absolute index for this, because unless you keep doing the same thing over and over which is kind of silly, then depending on how you're doing things differently the pace will naturally change won't it? Don't rush yourself, not with this, not with anything.

For myself, I've been out around four years (I lost count actually) and am completely over it. Of course, anyone who believes that you can never be completely over it will have to either call me a liar or water it down by rationalizing in terms of how my situation was different, da da da da da, there's always some reason you can come up with to support your own theory. Even so, my experience doesn't mean it will happen for you, but of course it just means it's possible. That's really all it comes down to, anything is possible, we don't know what the future holds. There's not even hoping, it's just a completely honest and open attitude. Don't believe anything anyone has to tell you, look and see for yourself. When you look deeply enough and come to know the truth of the matter (any matter) intimately, you won't have to take the word of someone else. If you do go through that process you'll come to see the true spirituality is not based on beliefs, and for that matter any witness related problems will drop away precisely because they are based on nothing more than a belief.

Introspection

I should make one minor note, and that is even if you do find yourself resisting, don't judge yourself harshly over that either. The point is to include everything in your experience, so even if you know you're not over it and at the same time don't want to accept that fact, accept both of those things. But a critical point is even though you accept it's all there, you don't have to believe it. In fact, you don't have to believe in something for it to be true do you? So if it is true, it'll be fine all by itself. Just look at the thought as if it's brand new and see just what it's all about. You might be surprised at how well this works.

Satanus

I agree w intro, when he said to accept yourself completely. Give in to yourself. It's ok to not be over it. Leave the high expectations and guilt behind you. Think about having no expectations for a while. Just live each moment. Tell yourself, that it's ok to be yourself. Why would you want to be anybody else?

Many on this board have had therapy of one kind or another. You could check that out. It is like a helping hand, a guide. It speeds up the process a lot. After 7 yrs out of the wt, i'm considering getting hypnotherapy. From what i've read, it is the most effective and fastest.

SS of the slouching idler class

Also, as the song says, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

Edited by - saintsatan on 11 September 2002 5:7:48

I cant move on!!!!!

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