Anyone out there?

Clark66

Well hello JW.com,

My name is Clark. I have been disfellowshiped since December 31, 1991. I attended the Redwood City North COngregation and was disfellowshipped along WITH an elder on the same night...you do the "mathwork."

I am new to this sight (about 1/2 hour) and am not familiar with the format of the do's and don'ts ... or even if I should be here...

However, I have a question for anyone...(and I'm ready for the answers whether it be from over enthusiastic JW's or people who understand...or from anyone in between).

I was disfellowshipped because I openly admitted before 3 elders that I am gay and lived this life as a gay man despite being previously a regular pioneer and a ministerial servant. The elders asked me if I prayed to Jehovah about it. The answer:

More than anyone has prayed put together! Yes, that's a ittle exagerrated, however, it sure felt like it. Praying, crying, painfully asking why I am the way I am. SO, the answer was yes.

The second question was: Have you ever approached an elder abou it?

The answer: No.

They said: Then you fulfilled only half your obligation...

Well, I lied. And then ended up telling them EVERYTHING.

I did speak to an elder. Thus, the disfellowshipping of BOTH of us...again, you do the "mathwork."

My question is:

HOW do I cope with my sexuality when my prayers were NEVER answered, knwoing my "destiny" is to die for something I DID NOT CHOSE to live. I did NOT CHOSE to be gay. I AM gay. No more than a man or woman chooses to be a man or woman before they are born. I have a hrad time believing in a god that would allow people to be "gay" and yet condemned for being so. Especially after BEGGING, PLEADING, KNOCKING, and ASKING for strength to be what I am "supposed" to be....meaning..."straight."

My parents are wtill JW's...they went through a very low part in their life spiritually due to unfortunate unforseen occurances that took place in a San Jose Congregation (my dad was a former elder)...this was a time when I was able to get a little close to them. Well, they are not back on the road to spiritual "recovery" and, therefore, I am now taking a backseat as far as a family relationship goes. I understand this....but it hurts. It hurts to see my mother's face, knowing when I look at her, she wishes I was someone/something else. I am not a bad person. I love a man. LOVE. SOmething that Jehovah is supposed to be. Yes, I LOVE another man....does anyone understand where I'm coming from? Enlighten me please...

THank you

LDH

hi,
check your email

SixofNine

Sorry, no, I can't relate to your experience exactly, or even all that closely.

But, I do know the pain of having a "life doctrine" that, in the back of your mind, does not make any real sense.

Leaving JWs helped a lot. Being willing to look at the Bible, and it's origin, through logic colored glasses, has lifted me to a place higher and more free feeling than I ever imagined existed.

I'm sorry for your pain.

larc

Clark,

I just brought up thread to the top of the "most active" list called "sick". Don't be put off by the title because most people who posted there do not consider your kind of situation to be a sick one. I think the thoughts and resources mentioned there could be of use to you.

RedhorseWoman

Clark66, don't worry, you're in the right place. My nephew is gay, and I have many gay friends. Quite some time ago I came to the realization that homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality....just different. After coming to that conclusion, I realized that scriptures that purport to condemn homosexuals MUST be misinterpreted. God loves all of His children, and it makes no sense that He would condemn some of them for who they are.

There are several here who are gay, SanFranciscoJim for one, and Rabotnik for another. Both are very kind and are good listeners. Jim has done a lot of research about homosexuality and the Bible. He has a website at http://gayxjw.org

Please check that out. I'm sure you will find it very helpful. ***HUGS**** Welcome to the board.

IslandWoman

Clark66,

Jesus rejected religious hypocrites, false teachers. He did not reject anyone else! Be yourself. Help others to have love and to show love.

Sincerely,
IslandWoman

JAVA

Hi Clark,

First welcome to this discussion forum. It's an interesting place with many viewpoints. I'm not gay, but hate the term "straight," as if that's the right way to be. It's tiring hearing folks rail about sex but think nothing about watching countless killings on TV, etc.

I'm certain some on this group are gay. Perhaps they can share their experiences and how they are dealing with their JW history and families. Have you been to, http://www.gayxjw.org/ ? If not, take a look--you are not alone.

--JAVA, counting time at the Coffee Shop

ShaunaC

Hi Clark & welcome! Although I don't fully know how you are feeling, I do understand just a tad, a minute tad, based on...well...call it acted out curiousity. So please forgive me, my thoughts here are only to encourage you.

I'm puzzled as to why you know you were not born this way & did not choose it, and you rightly believe that a god of love would not condemn you for such, but you still hold on to the JW mentality that you are destined for destruction?

As an ex Jw myself, I completely understand how hard it is to rid yourself of old thinking, even when you know in your heart of hearts that it is completely wrong. In that respect, you have come to the right place. Being on this forum hearing a variety of points of view, as well as private reading & meditation, has done much to deprogram me from WT brainwashing. Please stick around and benefit & learn from the association here.

As far as your other delimma, being that I can't relate from true personal experience, I'll leave that for those who do. I hope that SFJim or JoelBear respond and give you a better perspective.

I'm so sorry for your pain! We'll all try our best to comfort you in any way we know how.

Shauna

P.S.
Btw, did you know Alison Lunt? She was a young pioneer in Redwood City (don't know which cong.) around '89-'90.

Edited by - ShaunaC on 22 March 2001 17:3:36

Esmeralda

Hi Clark,

I just wanted to welcome you to the board and give you a hug

((hug))

The others here have good advice to offer, especially checking out SanFranJim's site.

I could really get fired up with JW's and others who condemn gays but I won't go on a tangent here... (my short answer is, why are some people gay? Well, why am I not gay? We're all individuals. I believe that people are born what they are)

I am glad that you got out of the organization alive. Many don't, and that is a tragedy. Being different in any way
is hard enough in the judgemental society we live in, without all of that JW crud added on.

I'm not making much sense, it's been a long day. Just wanted to welcome you, and let you know that
I'm glad you're here, and that you made it out alive.

*hugs*
Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

Farkel

Greetings Clark and welcome to this forum!

Although I'm also new here, I'm a long-time poster and JW critic. As has been mentioned there are several gay men and several gay women who provide support and help for those in your situation. You are not alone! Just as we all found out when we the left the Watchtower Prison(tm), there are many, many like us who share the same experiences. I'm sure you'll be heartened to find out that many gay people have been through experiences almost identical to yours.

Even though I'm not gay, I still thought my own situation was unique, but after having been out of the WTS for several decades, I did some research on the net and it's almost as if all of the people who told their stories had lived my own life as I lived it!

Stick around. I think you'll find the folks here pleasant and helpful. (That is, until I get them propertly trained! :) )

BTW, I saw a fascinating program on PBS a few nights ago. It was a study of identical twins. The study discovered that if one twin is gay, there is a full 50% chance the other one will also be gay. More than any other type of sibling, identical twins share nearly identical genes. Genes make us who and what we are. God made genes. Therefore, God likes gay people, since he's responsible for their creation. It's logical. Should it be anything else, then God is a crappy God: he makes people he doesn't like. Religionists have no way out on that one. But then most religionists are morons.

Farkel

Edited by - Farkel on 22 March 2001 20:3:5

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