Hello again to all/ Serious question I need input!

kevin221

Hope everyone is well.

I haven't posted much in quite a while but I have been lurking every so often and I just wanted to pop in and say hi, and give an update. I'm doing well, not fantastic, but well and that's cool for now. All the crap with Jon's father is now taken care of so that's a load off my back. He sued me and then I counter sued, drama drama drama, but in the end I got a judgement and it really pissed him off so I feel fantastic about that. I spent a few weeks in the mental hospital and thought I was doing better, but things unraveled again after that and I developed a substance abuse problem and ended up in rehab. It was the best thing that could have happened to me, even if I didn't think so at the time. It's one day at a time and that helps me keep things in perspective.

Jon's sister who was living at Bethel in NYC with her husband decided to come see me again back in June. It was nice having someone who could help me remember the funny stuff instead of the yuck. She decided while she was here to leave the JW's and her husband, and she seems to be happier so I say more power to her. Her father is convinced that I'm the spawn of the devil because now I've taken his daughter from his as well as his son, but he's a mental case anyway so I don't care what he thinks. If there is ever a poster child needed to show people why they should never become a JW, he is it!

Anyway here is the question. I would like opinions on this as I have spoken to most of my friends and some of Jon's family and I'm still not sure what to do. Years ago Jon had some of his sperm frozen since the doctors told him the chemo would probably make him sterile. He told me he didn't know if he would ever want to have children, via a surrogate or whatever, but he wanted to know that he could in the future if he decided to. I was talking to a good friend of ours about this about a month ago and she told me that she wanted to be a surrogate for me but that she didn't want to have any legal resp. for the child as she already has 3 of her own. I told her I would think about it and let her know, but I can't seem to decide if that's the best way to go. I think it might be better to wait until I can find a surrogate that I don't have any ties to. I'm just afraid that having someone so close to me acting as the surrogate may just make things too complicated. The one thing I do know is that if I'm ever going to do this, now is the time. Or at least in the next year. I'm 40 now and I wouldn't want to have any more of an age gap than that. Poor kid's going to have enough to deal with without having a geriatric father.

Anyway, hope all is well with everyone and I appreciate your opinions.

Kevin

LB

Kevin be 100% certain you want a child. I've raised 3 boys and trust me, it wasn't a picnic and things are so easy these days either.

I'm sure you'll get lots of encouragment in this area. To go for it but while I do love my sons they certianly took their toll on me. I was done breeding by the age of 29.

It will change your life forever. There will be positives too to go along with the heartaches. Just one last comment. Be certain you are doing this for yourself. Be certain you aren't going to do this because of Jon. Lots of times people want a baby when things have gone wrong. Best wishes to you kevin.

Princess

The sentiment is very nice Kevin but I agree with LB. Be 100% sure. Then wait one year and see if you still want a child. One year isn't too long to wait, and if it is the right decision you will be positive by then.

Rachel

BeautifulGarbage

Hi Kevin,

I will offer my opinion, but it will be from the view point of the child.

First off, I'm not a big advocate of surrogacy. I'm not against it completely, but in the specific situation you mentioned, I am highly against it. Bottom line, you will be deliberately bringing a child into the world that will not know either of it's parents. The "father" is deceased and the "mother" doesn't want any legal responsibility. Ask yourself, would YOU want to come into the world with that baggage waiting for you?

From reading your posts, you seem to be a very caring, and loving, person. Mostly likely, the child is going to have some very hard questions for you to answer. Now, I'm sure you can give simple sugar coated responses when they are very young, but it will become much more complicated as they mature. This child is going to have to cope with the situation you have made a conscience decision to create. Imagine, NO MOTHER. Not even one that gave you up for adoption. Or this from "mom": "Oh yeah, I gave birth to you, but I didn't want responsibility for you." Your child would have to carry THAT burden.

I am perfectly aware that the circumstances that many children are raised in, are not ideal. Just ask yourself, would *I* want to be born and raised under the same conditions that I am willing to create for my child?

Andee

Francois

I'm with Andee. It all sounds so nice and cozy, but I think you'd be better off asking the question "why do it at all" instead of "why do it with someone close"? What point will be proven?

Frank

cornish

Hi Kevin

sorry,I cant give any advice about the surrogacy,thats a difficult decision for you for sure,but i would just like to say glad to hear from you again,and glad you have come through some of those tough challenges that life has thrown at you,

keep on in their & good luck

Celtic

Hey Cornish Scrot, how ye be 25 miles up the creek on this wonderfully sunny afternoon, not heard from you in absolutely yonks now, write me an email, and get in touch soon k?!!

Mark Price, down the road in Falmouth.

[email protected]

LovesDubs

Hi Kevin :) After reading your post I had to go back and do a search on your name to get a "bigger picture" of what youve been going through...lordy...you are due for a break! Since you asked us, and that was a HUGE question you asked, I thought Id stick my two pennies in there for ya.

I am now 48 years old and gave birth to my youngest at 40. I started having kids in my thirties and am glad I waited because I was ready for them later in my life. More steady. There is no reason for you to be concerned about the age thing, as long as you take care of your own health. He or she will be on their own by the time you are 60 anyway and these days 60 isnt all that old yknow? Having a surrogate whom you know isnt such a bad thing, at least you know already what his "other half" of the gene pool is like and you can be close to her during the pregnancy and enjoy the process. And a wonderful astounding thing it is! But...there's always a but...I think maybe you should give yourself a year to sort through what has happened to you this year and make sure you are over your addictions, your losses, ....maybe get a puppy for awhile until your head is ready?

Having a baby is a forever thing, and you know that...and Im sure this little one will be loved and wanted. Since he wont have a momma around per se, dad needs to be on double duty. Take some parenting classes, talk to some other surrogates, and surrogate parents and get all the legal poop outta the way. Whatever you decide...get some joy in your life and hold on tight! :)

Granny Linda

Be sure of your motive for such action. Time has a way of presenting the same scenerio in a different light. Keep working on yourself. I'm very sensative about children, so won't say anything futher. Well, just wishing the best for you. I'm glad you found rehab to be one of the best things that could have happened in the long run.

Granny

kevin221

Thanks for everyone's advice. Most of my friends have given just about the same advice as I received here, wait a year and make sure that I'm doing it for the right reasons. Jon and I had talked in depth about having a child before he got sick, and we had decided to just let things take their own course so to speak and take our time in deciding, so it probably is a good idea to wait and think it through. I've decided to put it on the back burner in my mind until my birthday next March, and not dwell on it till then. That way I can make sure that I'm thinking clearly and not letting emotions rule my decision.

Thanks again and take care,

Kevin

Hello again to all/ Serious question I need input!

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