Emotionally stunted

by onacruse 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nilfun

    True, it's all how you look at it, now that I no longer go to KH, my cup isn't half anything, it's overflowing

    Respectfully, I cannot agree with the statement that we are fortunate that we had an upbringing that taught us values
    and instilled in us the abilitity to think. That's not true for all who responded to onacruse's initial post...

    What values do you mean? I was taught that I did not matter to the org. Just one example:

    When I was nine or so, I had a strong desire to go to college and said so
    to one of the elders at the KH. Of course I was told that this was a Bad Thing and to forget about
    it. So I responded by saying, "Well if I can't go to college, then I want to go to Bethel."
    Of course I was told that since I was a female I better forget about that too. I had
    no response after that, just an empty feeling inside.

    And all those bible studies were a big waste of my time.

    Come to think of it, they weren't really bible studies,
    they were book studies or watchtower studies...

    Edited by - nilfun on 1 September 2002 0:24:57

  • Dia

    Wouldn't it be nice if all of us could get together in a 'meet-up'?

    I hope the meet-up thing grows and finally reaches that point.

    We need each other.

  • jgnat

    hahahaha ugg! Comparing a tomato to a slice of bread! That is very good. I think the ability to recognize your own emotional delay is a big step in self-awareness. It seems to me the organization suppresses that awareness big time. Speaking for myself, I find you a really cool person to hang with in chat. Perhaps you have more social skills than you are giving yourself credit for.

    A little about the Tomato..

  • little witch
    little witch

    Hugs to you all. And I agree, this is a terrific thread. I hope more people join in about physical, and emotional abuse by the borg. I knew from a very young age that the jw's were full of B.S., but I was forced to attend meetings, field service etc...

    I remember embarrased mothers who breast fed their little ones, racing red faced to the bathroom on Thursday nights, thinking they were ''distracting bros and sisters''. I remember parents being encouraged to bring wooden spoons to the meetings, to smack little kids with.

    I have four kids, and I am telling you, if someone hurt one of them, or encouraged me to, well, I would hurt YOU!

    Child Abuse, sanctioned by God.... Bullshit....Sorry, I dont mean to use foul language, but, I suffered severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse because of those retarded, control freaks, and ....No, Im not sorry. I hate them. The ''truth'' hurts!!!!

    Thanks for the thread. I realize, I still feel small. Even though I am 37. Glad Im not alone in my feelings. Love you all.

  • bikerchic


    Respectfully, I cannot agree with the statement that we are fortunate that we had an upbringing that taught us values
    and instilled in us the abilitity to think. That's not true for all who responded to onacruse's initial post...

    Respectfully your point is taken, maybe a better choice of wording would have been "morals" and maybe I should have said this in regard for myself only. What I've gotten from being raised a JW, is an ingrained sense of values and morals and these dogg me continuously. The "knowing" right from wrong, good from bad and the ability to make for myself, most of the time good honorable decisions.

    I can also sympathize with the example you gave of what happened to you when you were nine years old. The "stunting" starts so early on and we do cease to become "people" and become robotrons doing the WTBS work of preaching and selling those books. It's a pity, but at some point we have to get over it and get on with living and onto the fast track of making a life that works in today's society. Which involves overcoming the ways we were "stunted", or feel such.

    From your statement:

    my cup isn't half anything, it's overflowing

    It sounds like you have done your work of healing, my hats off to you!

    And all those bible studies were a big waste of my time.

    They taught me HOW to study, which was my point. As did the ministry school, it taught me how to do research, develop a theme, talk to others in a coherent way, develop material and these are things that I find useful today in college. Explaination of myself, I'm old and going to college and I have met some people my same age who are also "displaced homemakers" aka: divorced single women, those who have had no kind of schooling outside of leaving high school are lost and having a hard time with the whole study concept. In my healing process after I got all the anger out (it still raises it's ugly head from time to time), I have found that to be thankful for even the tiniest things can make an otherwise bleek situation seem better.

    I hope that makes more sense to you nilfun and btw I noticed you are a newbie, I wish to welcome you to the board, this is an awesome place Simon has made for us.

    bc I'll go back when pigs fly!

  • nilfun

    Hi Bikerchic

    Thanks for the welcome.

    My work of healing is an ongoing process. And my anger still raises
    its (ugly?) head from time to time, but now I am ever conscious of
    how beautiful this life is and I now know that The Sadness is not all
    there is in life. And I do feel the need for me to "get over it" and
    get on with it; I also realize that everone has their own way and own
    timetable for doing that.

    And my hat's off to you for going back to school! I think that's so cool.
    Maybe there is still hope for nilfun in that regard?

    And yes, I agree, this place is awesome. Thanks Simon.

  • bikerchic


    This place rocks!


  • nilfun

    One of the things I have learned since leaving the KH
    is that I don't have to swing at every pitch thrown
    my way. Sometimes I can just let the ball drop and
    it feels sooo good to do that

    I am thinking now of the way I was pressured to just
    keep swinging at any and all objections/negative
    stuff a housholder tossed at me. It felt great to
    finally be able to allow myself to think "Boy this
    person is pitching everything they have, whoo! here
    comes a fast ball, ooh! there goes a curve ball...hmmm,
    I wonder if they know that today I have chosen not to
    be at bat..?" Usually when I find myself confronted
    by this type of situation, that song by John Lennon
    starts playing itself in my mind (I'm just sitting
    here watching the wheels go round and round).

    Because I don't have that much time left
    to this life, maybe another sixty or seventy years to
    go, if I am lucky.

    Yeah, I was stunted, but once I started letting the
    sun shine on my face, I began to grow again.

  • onacruse

    WOW! It never ceases to amaze me how different we all are, and yet so similar. Thanks for sharing your feelings! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I guess larc now has my answer to his thread "Do You Procrastinate?"

    Dana, little witch: As challenging as my circumstances may be, they can't even begin to compare to the trauma that you and others have suffered a victims of abuse. I honestly can't imagine how much damage that has done to you. It gives me perspective...that my challenges are only a small small part of the struggles we share.

    scoot: Well, let's see....you were df'd at 18, and say, by 30, were back up to speed. Based on that ratio, I can figure to be on an even keel when I'm about 83! lol Ah, but us old farts have the advantage of experience, so maybe I'll get there a bit sooner. hehe

    plum: Right on....as long as I have breath and a brain, I'll keep fighting. Maybe like Peter Seller's in "The Party," just won't lay down and die!

    meta: "New boy" eh? Well, you potlicker! hehe You say: "I've got a good IQ, so how was I so stupid that I didn't see this?" Yep, and I have come to the conclusion that, at least in some measure, my intellectual pursuits actually got in the way of "seeing this". I deflected dealing with the real issues by immersing myself in study of languages and mathematics, kept my mind busy and off the painful matters. I remember once telling my first wife, when she asked me why I studied math so much, I said "Because numbers never hurt me." Was that a red flag, or what?

    Xena: You say: "I was forced to act adult most of my life." Same here...a precocious little twerp going door-to-door and confidently telling adults how they were wrong and what they should believe. That's what I mean, skipping over the natural childhood development and assuming a quasi-adult existence....so much is left undeveloped. Now searching for that "inner child," I know he's in there somewhere!

    nilfun, biker: I love how you got into a one-on-one discussion. As a male, I never really thought about many of the issues that you both had to deal with. Sisters kept their heads down and their mouths shut, while us men strutted around and showed off our "spiritual" plumage for all to see. That you both resolved your issues so civilly...what a difference from the cat-fights and gossip that were so common in the KH! And nilfun, welcome to the forum, I look forward to more of your posts.

    animal: Thanks for the call, dude. After all, it was really YOU that started this thread!

    ugg: You have come such a long way since I first met you...you are a fantastic lady! You say: "how to fit in or belong." Yes indeed, where DO I fit in? How? When? Sometimes I feel like a bull in a china closet. But at least I'm no longer a dufus in the KH!

    Dia: "We need each other." Yet another skewed idea I've had for decades...I didn't NEED anybody, I was on a mission from God, He was all I needed. If someone in the KH excluded me from their little cliques (as most did, because I was a goody-2-shoes), or someone in service rejected me (as most did), I would brush it off as irrelevant and eventually became numb to my need for other people.

    jgnat: Take those tomatoes over to scoot....she needs something more to can!

    Thanks again for sharing your experiences and feelings!


  • TheSurvivor

    I can certainly relate to this thread....I think we all can. As for myself, the hardest thing to do is make new friends. Until I was almost 37 I had NO worldly friends. I also owned my own business that was going nowhere. Then a thought hit me. Treat the people that I am trying to get work from, like they were my friends. It took awhile, but soon I had more business than I knew what to do with....and many new friends. Like I have stated in other threads, I have a few "worldly" friends that are better than ANY I ever had at the hall.

    BTW, one nice thing about growing up at 37 is getting to watch all the reruns of My Favorite Martian, I Dream Of Gennie, Bewitched, The Outer Limits, and The Trilight Zone, that are all NEW to me. LOL. Not to mention movies that are new like Saving Private Ryan, and other "bad" movies.


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