WOW! It never ceases to amaze me how different we all are, and yet so similar. Thanks for sharing your feelings! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I guess larc now has my answer to his thread "Do You Procrastinate?"
Dana, little witch: As challenging as my circumstances may be, they can't even begin to compare to the trauma that you and others have suffered a victims of abuse. I honestly can't imagine how much damage that has done to you. It gives me perspective...that my challenges are only a small small part of the struggles we share.
scoot: Well, let's see....you were df'd at 18, and say, by 30, were back up to speed. Based on that ratio, I can figure to be on an even keel when I'm about 83! lol Ah, but us old farts have the advantage of experience, so maybe I'll get there a bit sooner. hehe
plum: Right on....as long as I have breath and a brain, I'll keep fighting. Maybe like Peter Seller's in "The Party," just won't lay down and die!
meta: "New boy" eh? Well, you potlicker! hehe You say: "I've got a good IQ, so how was I so stupid that I didn't see this?" Yep, and I have come to the conclusion that, at least in some measure, my intellectual pursuits actually got in the way of "seeing this". I deflected dealing with the real issues by immersing myself in study of languages and mathematics, kept my mind busy and off the painful matters. I remember once telling my first wife, when she asked me why I studied math so much, I said "Because numbers never hurt me." Was that a red flag, or what?
Xena: You say: "I was forced to act adult most of my life." Same here...a precocious little twerp going door-to-door and confidently telling adults how they were wrong and what they should believe. That's what I mean, skipping over the natural childhood development and assuming a quasi-adult existence....so much is left undeveloped. Now searching for that "inner child," I know he's in there somewhere!
nilfun, biker: I love how you got into a one-on-one discussion. As a male, I never really thought about many of the issues that you both had to deal with. Sisters kept their heads down and their mouths shut, while us men strutted around and showed off our "spiritual" plumage for all to see. That you both resolved your issues so civilly...what a difference from the cat-fights and gossip that were so common in the KH! And nilfun, welcome to the forum, I look forward to more of your posts.
animal: Thanks for the call, dude. After all, it was really YOU that started this thread!
ugg: You have come such a long way since I first met you...you are a fantastic lady! You say: "how to fit in or belong." Yes indeed, where DO I fit in? How? When? Sometimes I feel like a bull in a china closet. But at least I'm no longer a dufus in the KH!
Dia: "We need each other." Yet another skewed idea I've had for decades...I didn't NEED anybody, I was on a mission from God, He was all I needed. If someone in the KH excluded me from their little cliques (as most did, because I was a goody-2-shoes), or someone in service rejected me (as most did), I would brush it off as irrelevant and eventually became numb to my need for other people.
jgnat: Take those tomatoes over to scoot....she needs something more to can!
Thanks again for sharing your experiences and feelings!