TOP TEN THINGS YOU LEARN YOUR FIRST WEEK AT BETHEL:
10. The average guy you're taking orders from is 50 yrs old and has never kissed a girl.
9. All the suggestion boxes have been converted to donation boxes.
8. After watching 'Weekend at Bernie's,' it dawns on you that all the GB are actually dead.
7. The definition of a cult: running through the streets at 6:59AM in shirt and tie.
6. The only graffiti in the bathroom stalls are masturbation tips.
5. The guys in the writing department sell some kick ass marijuana.
4. No one thinks your fake Malawi party card is funny.
3. For a good time, call 1-900-TED-JARECZ.
2. The private parking pavilion is for UN members only.
...AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU (SHOULD) LEARN YOUR FIRST WEEK AT BETHEL...
1. Without two witnesses, JR Brown can't prove you sodomized him with a baseball bat.