TOP 10 LIST - First Week at Bethel

joeshmoe

TOP TEN THINGS YOU LEARN YOUR FIRST WEEK AT BETHEL:

10. The average guy you're taking orders from is 50 yrs old and has never kissed a girl.

9. All the suggestion boxes have been converted to donation boxes.

8. After watching 'Weekend at Bernie's,' it dawns on you that all the GB are actually dead.

7. The definition of a cult: running through the streets at 6:59AM in shirt and tie.

6. The only graffiti in the bathroom stalls are masturbation tips.

5. The guys in the writing department sell some kick ass marijuana.

4. No one thinks your fake Malawi party card is funny.

3. For a good time, call 1-900-TED-JARECZ.

2. The private parking pavilion is for UN members only.

...AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU (SHOULD) LEARN YOUR FIRST WEEK AT BETHEL...

1. Without two witnesses, JR Brown can't prove you sodomized him with a baseball bat.

Elsewhere

LMAO!

I love #7 - I remember that well!!! Can't be late for breakfast [ahem] I mean Morning Worship!

7. The definition of a cult: running through the streets at 6:59AM in shirt and tie.

joeshmoe

Hey Elsewhere,

Remeber then sitting and sweating at the table during "morning worship" and thinking 'this is what I ran for?!'

We were such idiots.

SYN

Hehehehe! Here are some more:

You are expected not to jerk off or have "relations" with ANYONE if you are a man, for a period that could stretch forward to the end of your life. And Ghod help you if you have a wet dream. Wouldn't want to mess up Jehover's holy sheets, now would we? So, basically, you're looking at a lot of bottled up sexual tension here.
See above for women.
If you get fired, you might actually start earning MORE money than if you stick around!
If you are married, you are expected to lay your partner VERY quietly. Those walls are DAMN thin. Wouldn't want to give the poor bastards next door "dirty thoughts", considering how they've been bottling up sexual tension for decades. There might be an explosion or something
Your belongings become a matter of public record for the entire Branch. Housekeeping knows about that pr0n magazine under your mattress! And so do all the Sisters! And the Elders! Except no-one's saying anything, they're waiting to see how long it takes you to repent!
Not only do you have to spend your entire day working for free, but you also have to sell magazines for free on your time off! And go to 5 meetings a week to learn how to do that!
If you don't like what's served for breakfast, your choices are narrowed down to coffee. And coffee.
Piercing looks at the break of dawn at the breakfast table are the only way to find out if your naughtiness has been uncovered.
If you have a problem with the Rules, you may not voice it.
The only way to have fun is to drink.

joeshmoe

If you are married, you are expected to lay your partner VERY quietly. Those walls are DAMN thin. Wouldn't want to give the poor bastards next door "dirty thoughts", considering how they've been bottling up sexual tension for decades. There might be an explosion or something

Hey Syn, I swear to god that all newly married brothers got a "discretion" talk from their overseers that basically said this EXACT THING!