Adult Children of Alcoholics

by Ray Skyhorse 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • seedy3

    Well this is what I know of the situation,

    My ex-wife who is a Jdub, is also and alcholic, she, before I left her, had 3 DUI's (it is now up to 4) she was a serious drunk and the judicial system saw it. She was told by the court that she had to go to AA meetings. The local congragation elders had little to say as to her actions. yet they did council her on how she viewed the AA meetings, especially being they drew on a Higher being, and actually said "God" in most of them. I think as long as she only accepted their call on "God" was to her God it is ok. However, I do agree with Mary on the anal view of many of the Jdubs.


  • Crystal

    To me it was another cult. Maybe i feel bitter towards AA because I found out that (at least the one my husband went to)there was alot of people hooking up together (married people)My husband being one hooked up with some ....ummm...I must be nice....Skanky chick that apparently did everyone there.Needless to say i am no longer married.

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Crystal, I'm sorry hearing about your situation regarding your former husband. I saw plenty of weird stuff while in attendance myself. I tired of alot of unnecessary bullshit,or so it seemed to me. But then I had too remember my harsh judgement about everyone,and I mean everyone, came as a direct result of growing up JW. People are gonna do whatever they decide to do, period. Hell, even the so-called founder of A.A., Bill Wilson, had a lover on the side for years. And his wife knew about it. Think the lover was even given royalities off the "Big Book" if memory serves.

    I saw alot of the sex thing taking place. Glad I didn't buy into it. Unfortuntely some will take advantage of an already sick mind. As a matter of fact how many got into recovery that were so well wrapped in the first place...? My former husband whom I'd met in A.A. gave me fair warning about the sexual playground that many partook of. And it wasn't the majority; just some who used sex as another means for that "instant fix" of self gratification. Just like taking the drink, and another, and another.

    Did you attend any Alanon meetings for yourself during that time? Other then getting a divorce what did you do for your own recovery? Ya know what? My husband who is a former Mormon elder walked away from that filthy church after his then wife got pregnant by a High Priest that had a wife and 6 kids...go figure, eh. Well I could ramble on and on but won't.

    Stay of good cheer.


  • Crystal

    You are right granny,People will do what they want to do no matter what.I guess sometimes it is easier to blame AA for my divorce,he would of screwed around regardless.

    I went to some Alanon meetings.They helped me in realising that it was not my fault that my husband went back to drinking and also that my father's drinking was no reflection on me or my mother.After awhile I felt I did'nt need to became depressing hearing some of the horror stories from the other women.

    My recovery involves, reading the bible and praying.I also enjoy gardening,photography and traveling.I have a great boyfriend.I believe the divorce and the crap i went through just made me stronger.

    When I run into my husband now, I am very nice to him (I think it makes him feel guilty) I just think of him as spirtually sick.It takes too much of my energy to feel angry..i only hurt myself.

    Interesting tid bit about Bill Wilson

    What do you do now for recovery??

  • LyinEyes

    I went to an AA meeting once, to deal with issues of being an adult child of an drug abuser. The way I was told was alcohol, drugs, and prescription drug abuse, as in my mom's case are the same things. It is just each person picks their own vice.

    The people at the AA meeting held hands and even said the Lord's Prayer, and thru it all they talked about God, and how he helped them overcome their problems etc. I live in the bible belt and everyone always talks about God in everything they say.

    I just didnt like this particular group of people , but can see how it could help some. I felt uncomfortable. I found out there were a couple of the doctors from our small littletown who were alcoholics. One doctor has left town I heard, after being pulled over for DUI and drug abuse at least 4 times in this last year. I guess some folks don't or cant change, I don't really understand it all..

  • Ray Skyhorse
    Ray Skyhorse

    Thank you all so much for your comments and support. You are a wonderful bunch of people.


  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Hi, Crystal.

    Thank you for asking about my life today. It's been along time since anyone ask...and I'm not sure how to sum it up. I do remember the importance of introspection, and not afraid to look in the mirror. If I don't like what I see, I put forth an honest effort to effect a change in my thinking.

    I spent quite awhile hanging out with so called psychic/spiritual people...what a joke, really. Now I dearly love those folks, but they really have nothing more too offer because I've quit looking for someone else to give me answers. They can offer their experience, strength, and hope but I'm not looking for that one right answer that would make my life somehow 'perfect.' If any of that makes sense. I do get longwinded and off track.

    What I do for my recovery today is not waste my time with persons who really, by all outward expressions, are not interested in their own recovery...just continue blaiming other's for their lot in life. I've read a great deal of material that went/goes contrary to my preconceived ideas for the simple reason that I can no longer afford to "have all the answers"; which in my opinion, closes off the mind to possibility and potential.

    My life is not always a bed of roses...I've suffered depression due to the change of life syndrome, but have come to appreciate that the principles learned in the 12 step programs can be applied to different areas of my life. Although I no longer attend any such meetings, when I need to discuss such recovery topics, I call my ex-husband and we just sorta acknowledge each other's journey.

    I do volunteer work that helps me get out of me'ism. That horrible self pity which is all consumming at times...ugh! I've learned what resentment does, and I work hard to stay out of regret. Since each day can bring it's own trials, I try and remember that I'm not powerless nor dependent...I'm strong and capable. And stubborn :)

    I'm glad you've found what works for you. A wonderful day indeed when we accepted that the guilt and shame we carried for years was never ours to own. That is freedom. I just deal with each day as it comes. And it helps too share with kindred souls because I never want to forget the agony and struggle that is commonplace for any when making major life changes.

    In closing; my son's father still drinks, but age has mellowed his arse. We get along great and that is an added reward for all of us. In fact we hope to help our son and his family relocate because today we are a family. But I remember those days when he would threaten to kill me...especially when I started attending A.A. It was really funny one day when I'm sitting in the living room with my now husband, my son's father, and husband #2, the one from A.A. Geezzzzzz life is grand.

    Granny, who remains grateful even when shit comes down the pike.

    I've enjoyed this exchange. It's been a nice change of pace. If you would like to respond further that would be nice, but the computer goes into the shop today so will be off line for some time. Love ya.

  • amac

    AA is simply a tool. For some its the right tool, for some it is not.

    I agree with the many who have said the elders reaction will depend on the elder. My dad went to AA meetings for about 8 years after he was reappointed.

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