Hi, Crystal.
Thank you for asking about my life today. It's been along time since anyone ask...and I'm not sure how to sum it up. I do remember the importance of introspection, and not afraid to look in the mirror. If I don't like what I see, I put forth an honest effort to effect a change in my thinking.
I spent quite awhile hanging out with so called psychic/spiritual people...what a joke, really. Now I dearly love those folks, but they really have nothing more too offer because I've quit looking for someone else to give me answers. They can offer their experience, strength, and hope but I'm not looking for that one right answer that would make my life somehow 'perfect.' If any of that makes sense. I do get longwinded and off track.
What I do for my recovery today is not waste my time with persons who really, by all outward expressions, are not interested in their own recovery...just continue blaiming other's for their lot in life. I've read a great deal of material that went/goes contrary to my preconceived ideas for the simple reason that I can no longer afford to "have all the answers"; which in my opinion, closes off the mind to possibility and potential.
My life is not always a bed of roses...I've suffered depression due to the change of life syndrome, but have come to appreciate that the principles learned in the 12 step programs can be applied to different areas of my life. Although I no longer attend any such meetings, when I need to discuss such recovery topics, I call my ex-husband and we just sorta acknowledge each other's journey.
I do volunteer work that helps me get out of me'ism. That horrible self pity which is all consumming at times...ugh! I've learned what resentment does, and I work hard to stay out of regret. Since each day can bring it's own trials, I try and remember that I'm not powerless nor dependent...I'm strong and capable. And stubborn :)
I'm glad you've found what works for you. A wonderful day indeed when we accepted that the guilt and shame we carried for years was never ours to own. That is freedom. I just deal with each day as it comes. And it helps too share with kindred souls because I never want to forget the agony and struggle that is commonplace for any when making major life changes.
In closing; my son's father still drinks, but age has mellowed his arse. We get along great and that is an added reward for all of us. In fact we hope to help our son and his family relocate because today we are a family. But I remember those days when he would threaten to kill me...especially when I started attending A.A. It was really funny one day when I'm sitting in the living room with my now husband, my son's father, and husband #2, the one from A.A. Geezzzzzz life is grand.
Granny, who remains grateful even when shit comes down the pike.
I've enjoyed this exchange. It's been a nice change of pace. If you would like to respond further that would be nice, but the computer goes into the shop today so will be off line for some time. Love ya.
