It was through my 5 year attendance in A.A. that helped me gain insight into the religious abuse issue(s). I've read some rather good things on this thread regarding any 12 step program. Overall I believe it can help, but agree with much of what BG wrote about. And as SG mentioned it sometimes does depend upon the group of people in association.
My former husband who at age 45 spent 5 years in Adult Children of Alcoholics...and it helped him. I don't recall his "acting out" like the child, but I certainly know he would cry like one because for the first time he was amongst his own...sorta like the reason any of us might come to sites for former JW's. Actually I don't see any difference between the so-called "symptoms" that affect the alcoholic, the adult child, the religious abuse survivor...it comes down to Shame. Never measuring up...basically no genuine self esteem. The issues are many, there is no quick fix nor pat answer.
After 5 years of attending A.A., I began seeing too many similarities between that mindset and that of the JW's. By then my life had totally changed for the better; the whole reason for getting into recovery. I no longer needed their concept of a higher power which does seem to equate that christian god - no matter how much they might say otherwise. BUT...I was one screwed up woman when I got into recovery and was forced to learn that personalities are no different in 12 step meetings then they are anywhere else. Any of us get into recovery because of the issues affecting us personally. It's not about some contest of who likes who...who is an arse...who isn't....arse's can be found most anywhere if that's what we're looking for.
I'd encourage your wife if I were in a position to do such. And while I'd agree it might be important to give her space by not attending with...that is up to you two. If for any reason she doesn't want you next to her, then she can express that. One couple in A.A., the wife hated Alanon because of the whiney women that did little for their own recovery; always pointing the finger at the drunk...was always beside her husband at A.A...and worked her own steps. Oh, she would stay home one meeting out of the many her husband attended weekly, but that is their relationship. They are truly one of the more balanced and sane couples I've meant in many a year. No one can really tell you what to do.
My gosh I could ramble on for ever about this because the 12 Steps saved my life and sanity...because I worked the steps. It's not all about chit chatting...it's about doing the necessary footwork that any recovery program requires. And just like these forums...take the meat, spit the bone. And move on when it's time. We are not held captive, but simply shown another way to look at the world.
My e-mail adddress should you be interested: [email protected]
Tell your wife for me that dealing with this situation is much more important then holding to the JW doctrine. My family is so screwed up from alcoholism it ain't even funny...but by golly they sure have that meeting attendance down. My heart goes out to your family, sincerely.
Granny
