So Whats Driving You To Make Posts?

by Englishman 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Why do you bother to post on this site? What good does it do you? What do you gain from posting?

    I know what drives me to make posts! Here`s why I post on this site:

    When I left the witnesses back in `72, it was for all the usual reasons. You know the sort of thing, the blood issue seemed ridiculous, disfellowshipping felt instinctively wrong, as did the interference in our relationships with the opposite sex.

    Then of course, the societies reasoning seemed flawed. On the one hand, they would say about hell: “How can we imagine a loving god doing such a thing as tormenting people in hell fire?” Later, they would paint lurid pictures of what it would be like to die at Armageddon which seemed to be a direct contradiction of their earlier argument.

    Plus I wanted to have some fun!

    Well, I thought that I`d caught up in my maturation process, but about 15 years on from my leaving, things started to surface from my subconscious mind that I had not even realised had been put in place. Here`s a few examples:

    My middle son wanted to go trick or treating at Halloween, I said: “No, you`re encouraging the demons!”

    My wife wanted to go to college, I felt threatened that my position as `head of the house` would be usurped.

    Every year I would protest at the erecting of the Christmas tree and quote the stuff from Jeremiah 10 about the decorating of a tree being “vain”.

    In short, I was still acting like a witness!

    I realised that there was a side of me that was a pain in the **** to my loved ones, a side of me that was still critical and condemnatory. I resolved to deal with this aspect of my personality and `de-witness-ise` my outlook.

    Over the next 12 years I looked really hard at the WTBTS`s teachings. I read a book called the “Secret World of Cults” by June Ritchie which had a large section devoted to JW`s. There was a phone number in the book that eventually contacted. A few days later I received a package containing info from former JW`s and a copy of the UK branches tax submissions to the Inland Revenue. WoW! They had millions on deposit!

    This was the real release for me, but there was no-one that I could tell, no one who had my degree of interest, no one that could really share my sense of outrage. Her ladyship, bless `er, did her best, but only an ex-dub can totally understand another ex-dubs sense of violation.

    Eventually, I found myself being connected to the internet, and I tentatively typed in “disfellowship”. Bingo! Page after page of references, dozens of sites, lots to read. Day after day I scoured these pages, I would frequently call in the family and say “Look at this!”, but there was still no-one that I could really relate to about how excited I was at this new information.

    Eventually I discovered bulletin boards that dwelt on witness issues. I found that certain posters could bring to the surface old imprinted stuff that had been holding me back for years. As a result, I find that my mind has cleared, the old hang-ups are fast disappearing, I feel that I have a new “handle” on life.

    To get back to my opening question of “What do you gain from posting?”, the answer is simple: It`s the best therapy in the World!

    Englishman

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    Bravo Englishman, I coulnd't have put it better myself. There is a real commerodity among posters and they know your background and feel your pain and loss, something non JW's could ever do. I feel that it has really helped me to grow and move on, and release my hangups, much faster then those that are not online. I know some that have been out for years, and I feel that I've progressed beyond them in recovery and making a new life and I know that my involvment on the diff boards deffenatly helped. I enjoy so many of the posters and am glad to see some friends from H2O joining us. This board truly offers support and comfort, and whole lot of humor, which is vital in a healthy life.

    Venice

  • larc
    larc

    Very thoughtful post Enlishman,

    Holidays: After my wife and I left, we visited a much older cousin of mine. He had fought in WWII, even though his mother was a devout Witness. Although he never believed the JW stuff, he told me that he never celebebrated Christmas so as not to offend his mother. He advised me not to make that sacrifice. The very next Christmas we celebrated with gusto and have ever since and love it. That first Christmas the brothers stoped by to encourage us. We did not answer the door, but they could hear the Christmas caroles on the hi-fi and see the decorated tree through the window. We got our disfellowshipping leter in the spring, but we moved out of town for a job change and they never followed.

    Why I post: I agree, it is good therapy even after 35 years of being out. Also, I believe that I can do some good for others, especially those who are sitting on the fence and are thirsting for factual information and emotional support. We are not alone in all of this and this helps us all, I believe.

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Larc,

    Your mention of WW2 reminded me that it was this that was the catalyst for my dad becoming a JW. He`d been a bomb-aimer on Lancasters and took part in the Dresden raids which left him with "bloodguilt".

    Englishman.

  • ShaunaC
    ShaunaC

    Englishman, thank you so much for bringing this up. Although a newbie to a discussion forum as this and a relatively newbie to the internet world of ex JW's in general (only discovered it last summer), I can say without a doubt that it has been great therapy for me. Almost a year ago I began on a rollercoaster of depression. I intially searched the web for psycological help from hopefully an ex JW. What I found was a great world of ex JW's, all with stories so similar to mine, to one degree or another.

    I lurked for a long time on Witnet, the old & new H20, but it was just a few weeks ago that I finally decided to join in. Boy, am I glad I did! I've met so many wonderful people here. And now my boyfriend has to sit through stories every night of the new people I've talked to and the interesting information I'm reading from all of you elequent posters.

    I must admit that my reason for posting is probably pretty selfish. At this point in my life I have no interest whatsoever to debate anything Biblical, divine or otherwise. It's not that I don't have an opinion or are even in the midst of formulating one. But I am so turned off every time I see a scripture quoted (unless in reference to the WT's disgraceful misrepresentations). And don't even get me started on those words I absolute abhor....my lord & saviour! I think it's just a stage I'm in at the moment, I think many of you have probably gone through that yourselves. But I can feel myself being drawn into more in-depth conversations.

    However, at this time I'm reveling in the fact that I get to talk to people who, despite never meeting me personally or me having to give an in-depth description of myself, can relate to me. There are others in my life who try so desperately to understand. They are most definitely symathetic, but it's so hard for them to be truly empathetic (remember that from an old WT lesson).

    I'm enjoying every bit of strength I'm receiving from you all through osmosis. As I proceed in developing my own mind and opinion on other more important topics, I look forward to then being able to spar with you all in a more meaningful way.

    Funny how we still enjoy a brotherhood! Thank you all for that!

    Shauna

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Hi Shauna. I'm relatively new here. I lurked like you, but now that I'm on I've made some new friends and re-discovered old ones who don't live in the "Gopher" state any longer.

    Anyway, I don't see anything selfish in your posts! Every time out here, you share a little bit of yourself with others, and that helps those are reading it and have been on the 'rollercoaster' you were on to feel 'not so alone'.

    Besides, if others "give back abundantly" to you in this forum and help make you feel more "whole" (as has been the case for me), then ultimately you will have more to SHARE with OTHERS!! So ultimately, your posts are not selfish at all.

    Eventually we all discover new paths of "light" regarding our spirituality. We all have that deep need to be in touch with who we are, where did we come from, where are we going, is there hope, etc. We may choose to keep the "best" of what we learned from the Bible and even the WTS and incorporate it with new discoveries. This group out here is great at helping people at all levels of recovery!

    Take care, Gopher

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Venice,

    I agree, this site has a whole lot of humour. After all, laughter is the very best kind of therapy.

    Englishman.

  • mommy
    mommy

    Englishman,
    Great post(again) Do you know I almost went back? Yep last year, I felt so bad for my mother she is in a deep depression, because of "losing" my brother to disfellowshipping and another sister to well, the "evil" world. I thought well, Mom has dedicated her life to this org, I could make some sacrafices for it too. But something happened, another family member was DF'd. She was the apple of my mom's eye. The regular pioneer, virgin at 28 years old and the all around perfect JW kid. But come to find out she was leading a double life for years and noone knew, until she became pregnant of course. Which by the way is very hard to hide. What got me though is that she was reinstated almost immediatly. Why did they even Df her? Is she now living a "normal" Jw life, or is she still decieving them? Well the point is All the doubts I had before came rushing back...why disfellowship?...how can you welcome someone back in your life after "not eating a meal with them or sharing a meal"...Is this really the love God has?....who is reading her heart to say she is repentent.
    So then I found the internet and I found Simon's board. My life has changed. I now can stand on top of the mountain(literally) and scream "Free at last Free at last thank God all mighty I am Free at last" And know in my heart I will NEVER have another doubt as to why I left. My feelings and thoughts are valid and others felt the same. I am no longer on the "bad" side for feeling the way I do. I don't feel guilty leading my kids down this life path, because honestly my children are more open minded than anyone else in my family...this I encourage. I post to those that need comfort. I post to those who need the extra push. I post when I am bored and need some feedback
    I love the people on this board and thank them for the change in me.
    wendy

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    `Evening, Wendy!

    I think that everyone goes back, I once went back for a week a few months after being DF`d.

    The weird thing was that, once you are on the outside it is all so laughable. It`s a bit like bumping into an old flame who is past their sell-by date.

    Perhaps its like giving up smoking, it usually takes several attempts.

    Englishman.

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    HMM When I left I never looked back. I didn't miss a single meeting, study, service day, mags, none of it, and I don't think I ever will. But I've always been I either love it or hate it kinda person, I loved it, then when I learned the 'truth' about the truth I hated it (as in hate what is wicked of course :)).

    Venice

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit