Hello...looking for some experiences

by Waido 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • garybuss

    Hi Waido

    Your daughter's friend is a believing walkaway. They are lost. They are not comfortable there and they are not comfortable here. They tend to live with a ever present feeling of impending doom, an apocalyptic view. They feel guilt for not behaving as they were taught and they are frustrated at not fitting in with secular society.

    They are usually socially stunted and have chronic relationship difficulties. They have difficulty planning for the future and have a hard time making decisions and often are poor at following through on commitments made. They tend to make poor partners and are prone to moody episodes and outbursts of rage. They are selfish and self centered and immature and impulsive in many ways.

    Many of us fit this profile and we recovered and learned to grow and adjust to life in the only real world. Quality exit counseling helped a number of us and I suggest it as standard treatment for a victim of a high control group like the JW's. Recovery is advanced when we loose our fear of churches, religion, holidays, flags, politics, voting, blood medical treatment and when we quit having guilt spasms and floating episodes.

    Best wishes to you, your daughter, your grandson, and the walkaway boyfriend too.


  • Dismembered

    Welcome Waido

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama


    I agree 100% with what Gary Buss so elequently said. The believing walkaways are pulled between 2 worlds and happy in neither.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    First Welcome Waido

    What GaryBuss said was perfect. My sister is exactly like that. exactly So well said Gary. Those who leave but still believe are trapped in a nether world

  • bikerchic

    Oh my Garybuss you are so right! I was married to a believing walkaway......my advise to your daughter RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

    bc (hoping I can save someone from years of hell...)

    PS Not to sound totally bleak, my X was/is a very nice person, he was "selfish and self centered and immature and impulsive in many ways." So very stunted in growth of anykind and you can't raise a family with such imaturity pulling you down.

    PSS Edited to say WELCOME and best of luck, I met you breifly in chat today. :o)

    Edited by - bikerchic on 25 August 2002 20:1:27

  • Waido

    Thank you all so much for responding...My daughter has read your posts....and the clear message is that the JW experince is a most destructive one...of course she wants him to read all these posts and see the light...I dont think it will be that easy...We as a family are going to educate ourselves as suggested and are going to get the reading material suggested...thank you for websites...Makes one so tired to think that this is such a complex issue...You never even think that these will pop up in your life...I just thoughht that my daughter would meet a nice young man...get married and have a great life...I did make my daughter laugh..We were going around to cult sites and my son said...Whats a Hare Krishna?...I said dont worry about it...your sister hasnt met one of those yet..well cross that bridge when we get there...she laughed...was good to see her laugh...thanks to you all...very hard day...very hard week...I met some of you in chat today...and thank you for your responses...I got booted out and couldnt get back in...I shall return...this has been an encourageing and supportive and I and my daughter thank you all so much....

  • dawn27

    Hi,, I am 27, an inactive witness and married to a wonderful spiritual (no-denomination) man. When I started seeing my husband I had a tremendous amount of pressure put on me by the congregation and I had to decide then and there if I would ever go back and after some research into the background of the religion and seeing alot of hypocrisy I decided that I would never be back and walked away. Her boyfriend sounds like he is on the fence right now and is probably facing alot of pressure as well. They make no honorable way to leave, if the elders found out about the living together he would be disfellowshipped (meaning being shunned by witnesses, even family members) and even if he goes to the elders and says he doesn't want to be a witness anymore he would be announced as "dissassociating himself" and would still be shunned. I didn't live with my boyfriend until we got married and got caller ID so I wouldn't say anything that they could use against me. And, I simply quit going. He sounds kind of torn, but he will have to decide soon between leaving altogether or becoming an active witness again, because the peer pressure he will get from the congregation and elders to conform will get more intense. Hopefully, he will follow his heart and do what is right for he and your daughter,, Being married to someone torn between their religion and the person they love would be frustrating. I was the one that was torn for a little while and was frustrating myself and my fiance until I made my final descision. Please be there for him as friends right now, because it is a lonely place when your family and friends start to turn their backs on you. I didn't mean to be so negative but I hope I've given a different perspective, as I've been in his shoes before. ThankThanks

  • Waido

    Still around...reading all the posts....I am scared...I see the deception...I see the betrayal that is felt by so many....The manipulation...the control...and I am so scared.....Am I above manipulation...Noooo....every time I look at my daughter...I state the facts that I have learned from the experience of this forum....to think that they would seperate me (the smokin, cussin walkin dead) from my daughter and grandson...No weapon is wrong....I aint above dirty tactics....I would like the facts of college...the womans expected role...are veggie tales allowed??...whats the straight to the point skinny on pedophiles?...that would scare the crap out of her...she is quiet...sort of a suffering in silence that is killing me...and I am throwing little tidbits that I glean from the forum at her.....I know that my behavior is based on fear....but to think that I would be not a part of their lives....not gonna happen if I can help it....She was raised in freedom of choices...not on dictates...and I just want ammunition to strenghten her ....and keep my grandson and daughter....ok....I call fear strength...but sometime fear can be healthy.....I am honest with her...I tell her that I am fearful...and that my behavior is based on fear....but I can not help it when I see the stuff that goes on in the cult...that baby has been with me from day one...I adopted my daughter when she was 15 months old....I have invested in them.....I have spent my life investing in them....dirty tricks ....hell yeah....I told my daughter I would like to beat Fidels mothers butt...for getting her family involved in the first place....She said ....Ma...you can't walk very well...much less run...(I have Multiple Sclerosis...and my walking is affected)...hey....all I gotta do is get close...and she can consider her ass kicked....My daugher is Korean...but raised an American girl...and Fidel is mexican...on a work visa...but most of his family have migrated to America...his Mom lives in Chicago...with the JW daughter that she brought in.......just putting my pain and fears on paper...thanks for bearing with me....

  • Waido

    My computer crashed..and my son had to delete all my stuff..and I am starting from scratch.....what a mess...I almost paniced to think that I would not be able to find my way back...I am not the most computer knowledgable person...and my son...only has so much patience for me...but I found you guys and I just wanted to let you all know that I am here lurking and gaining insight from the experiences that you share...I had no idea how caustic this cult is....until I read your experinces...a good sign is my daughter is asking me if I have any ney stuff to share...I hand her pages of threads that I have gotten off of this forum...it is not a benighn religion...it is a controuling man made cult...that uses deceit...manipulation...fear...guilt...I read it over and over in these threads.....thank you all so much for taking the time to reach into your experince and help another person from jumping blindly in to something that they will regret...my daughter was raised in my mission church...we scrap...we question...we learn to apply spiritual fruit to our lives...after we act real human....I smoke..I cuss...I act real bad...but I have learned to love...and know that I am loved...by my God...he will clean me up...the Holy Spirit...will guide me...I know my daughter has learned to listen to the leadings of the Holy Spirit....By the way...we are having a big celebration....my daughter has become and American Citizen...So we are having a big party to celebrate....YOU ARE ALL INVITED.....PLEGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG PARTY....now for all my foreign friends...just celebrate with us....SHE IS VOTING .........i CANT GET MY DANG SPELL CHECK TO WORK..SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES....

Share this