JWism retaking control of wife's family

The JHWH

Greetings,

A situation regarding this religion has developed which i fear might have negative implications on me and wifes lives, and I'm looking for thoughts and advice in how to approach the situation. I'll start with some background information to enlighten the situation.

I'm a male in mid-twenties, raised secularly, married to an ex-JW woman (on paper still a JW though), who's been raised in the JW religion, although somewhat ”untheocratically” shall i say.

For instance her mother has 5 children with 3 different men, all non-JWs, and has had many other relationships as well.

They've semi-celebrated xmas and birthdays too, have been to classmates birthday parties, have been allowed non-JW association etc. etc.

Still they've been taught all the JW crap from the cradle, and the family has been from completely inactive to regularly active, it has varied quite a lot during the years.

At the moment her mother is just about completely inactive as a JW, and my wife has been able to openly discuss her issues about the religion with her. Her mother is still mentally in at some level, I'm sure of it. Of her siblings none are currently affiliated with JW religion afaik; her oldest brother is in a relationship with non-JW woman, and her 2 youngest siblings lead completely secular life as well (afaik).

The recent development with her oldest sister is very surprising considering her history and current situation. She was very against the JW religion fiveish years ago, called it bullshit and such. She was about twenty when she had her child with a non-JW man, and they've been thriving ever since afaik.

Recently I heard through my wife from her sisters non-JW man that they've had witnesses over at their house, and are going to the convention this weekend, and overall it seemed that THEY BOTH would actually be beginning to believe that piece of shit of a religion to be legitimate.

What astonishes me is how the fuck can something like this happen? If she's had beef with the religion, wouldn't the first thing one would do is simply google it? Not to speak of her husband, who has never had any affiliation with the religion whatsoever?

It took me less than five minutes of googling to determine that there isn't a slightest chance thas this religion has even the slightest bit of truth in it. Mustn't he have done that too, when he heard her girlfriend was raised as a JW? And with a child coming, wouldn't that be even more of an incentive to read and learn about the JW religion?

What I fear is that they really GET involved in the JW religion (got to feel sorry for their little boy), and that that has a snowball effect on the family and drags her mother back into that hellhole, possibly even other siblings. That would certainly make them pressure my wife back to Jwism , something she does NOT need, she's suffered enough because of that crap. Because let's be honest, that's what's going to happen if the WTBTS gets full control over her family.

So there it is. Was relieving to get this out of my system. Any advice appreciated.

maksutov

It sounds like you are expecting people to behave rationally. Some people do quite well at that, but a lot don't. I'm in a somewhat similar situation - my never-been-a-JW father-in-law is studying with the JWs and progressing towards baptism, even after I gave him a book (that I wrote) spilling the beans on TTATT, and doing his own research online. My brother, who has previously commented that it is a cult, is quite bitter about the way he was harshly disciplined as a child by our JW parents, and is very well aware that the religion makes no sense is also now studying with JWs. My ex sister-in-law vacillates between believing it and not believing it, and again, I have spilled the beans with her. My wife knows enough to know that it is not true, but she still believes.

What all these people have in common is that they are not critical thinkers, and are instead reacting to needs and desires that are being fulfilled by what the JWs have to offer. A sense of community, a way to avoid confronting ones own mortality, a purpose in life, instant friends, an authority to tell them what to think and do. Whether it is true or not is not especially relevant - what is "true" today might not be "true" tomorrow anyway. It is sad, and frustrating, but I don't think there is much we can do about it. You can't force someone to think critically.

millie210

Greetings to you JHWH,

You say your wife is still a JW but not on paper. Does that mean she is disfellowhipped?

If so, she will have a whole process to go through before they will "allow" her back in.

So that is good for you.

You said that your wife has talked to her mother about her "issues" with the religion.

Can you share what her particular "issues" are?

If so, there will be people here that can give you more ideas to help you.

tim3l0rd

If she's not against it, now is the time to get her to view "apostate" material: jwfacts, Cedar's YouTube channel, etc. If she won't do that, then definitely start discussions about all things JW that don't make sense: 1914, 1925, 1975, child abuse scandals, UN scandal, etc. JWFacts has a great page on using the Socratic method to help someone wake up from the cult: JWFacts - Helping Someone Leave.

John Aquila

maksutov
My wife knows enough to know that it is not true, but she still believes.

That the key right there. They need to know "Enough" to know it's not true.

That take research and time, lots of time. When I was in, I saw the bullshit, but it took commitment and lots of time to research thoroughly the Organization and compare it to what the Bible actually teaches. Most people don't have the training to do that kind of research. It was until after I went to College that I learned how to research. It took me about a year of intense research to finally come to the realization that the WT was a cult. There are no short cuts.

Londo111

I would recommend, if you haven’t already, reading Combatting Cult Mind Control.

There are various fears that have been deeply instilled and thought-stopping techniques. One of the biggest fears is that of “apostates” and critical information, especially on the internet. It is viewed as craft lies, half-truths, and misrepresentations designed by satanic humans striving to destroy their “relationship with Jehovah” and their hope for eternal life.

It takes an unindoctrinated person 5 minutes, but it took me months before I found so-called apostate sites like JWFacts trustworthy. At first I was very suspicious and it was a concerted uphill climb to work against the indoctrination.

There are many inactive, disfellowshipped (even disassociated) persons who do not know TTATT as well as understanding what a cult is or how mind control or undue influence works. Even if they personally conclude the religion is hogwash based on an emotional whim, all it takes is some lovebombing and they will come running back.

The JHWH

Maksutov – I don't expect JWs to behave rationally, I learned that when my wife was mentally still in. I do however expect that someone thats never been a JW, thus having no emotional attatchments to the religion, to be interested enough to do some basic research on the subject if he has a loved one with heavy affiliations with the religion.

And I also expect that any outsider with half a brain and even a touch of honesty, regardless of whatever hardships he/she maybe facing, will see the self-evident; its a cult. A lie. Failed predictions, lying about its own history, lying about scientific research(ers), lying about other religions, denying real phenomena, harmful and dangerous policies – if this isn't an obvious hoax then I don't know what is.

From a JW i would expect denial and spinning issues but not from an outsider – just look at how many hours it takes on average for the preaching work to convert one person. Maybe it's just me but I can't understand how people would not care if what they believe isn' true, especially if affects just about every aspect of their life.

And I know too that you can't force anyone to think – learned that the hard way as well. Still it's a shame to see people succumb to this madness.

Millie – You slightly misread me. My wife is mentally out but hasnt DA'd herself. Her issues have been usually related to how the religion has affected her self-esteem, her look on life and natural phenomena etc.

timelord – She has read a lot of critical stuff about WTBTS and is fully aware of the true nature of the corporation. And so have I. I got most of that stuff tattooed into my memory as I've probably spent in the thousands of hours studying JW material and history. But thanks, think I'll re-read certain jwfacts sections.

John Aquila – Again, I do completely understand the power of mind control, but that a male in his twenties (who certainly can use google!) would fail to see WTBTS true nature is a fact I have a hard time wrapping my brain around.

Londo111 – Thanks for the advice. I do know Steven Hassans books well, though I didn't find that book in my native language few years ago when I looked.

millie210

The JHWH
Millie – You slightly misread me. My wife is mentally out but hasnt DA'd herself. Her issues have been usually related to how the religion has affected her self-esteem, her look on life and natural phenomena etc.

Ok, I see...she is mentally out but not Dfd

Youve been getting good advice here.

In your research hopefully you can build on what she doubts already?

stan livedeath

i wouldnt worry about it. i'm sure the congregation will be overjoyed to have that family back in the fold.

for about 1 week i would think.

Question_Mans_interpretation

Intervene, intervene, intervene and intervene now. If the sister and her boyfriend get involved it will be harder to talk to them later once the religion gets more of a firm hold and are in their heads. If they end of getting on the band wagon anyways at least then you will have planted some seeds that may grow or come to light down the road that may help them wake up.

JWism retaking control of wife's family

maksutov

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