my global statement

by lauralisa 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • spider

    I do not know you or your story - but I couldn't not comment. Your comments scare me. I don't know if I misinterpret your words but please do not do anything drastic to yourself. This board is crazy right now and people are wasting their time on what doesn't matter. It is you that matter and all the people that are hurting - these are the ones that should matter.

    Please - I know you say that noone offers you encouragement but I know that there are many that care and want to help. Please give them a chance and let them help you. Things can get better - please believe this and talking to others here about how you feel will make things feel better.Maybe you do not care right now but for the sake of yourself and all that love you please try.

    I do not know what to say but my heart is with you and I don't know what else to do or say now.

  • SYN

    Hi Laura, please email me so we can chat...

  • Billygoat


    I understand so much. Please check your email.


  • Mimilly

    Lauralisa - sweetheart, you emailed me when I didn't think I could make it through the night. Please check your email. It's amazing how people who are hurting can still find it to help others who are hurting. You are so right, we are alike.

    I hope this is a reaching and venting post. I more than hope. I know what it feels like. That's why I'm worrying.

    hugs sweetheart, we hope to hear from you soon


  • outoftheorg

    Hello Laura.

    Well it is obvious that you got the attention of a lot of people who care about you and what happens to you. You sound depressed and on the edge. If you are contemplating suicide please call the suicide hot line in your area and talk to them.

    I don't believe my problems along this area were as devastating as yours seem to be. But I also did not find much help with therapists and counselors. I did find help with a phychiatrist who told me that medication to help me heal myself was needed. I took his advise and only went to see him once a month for around 30 minutes. There was virtually no therapy. He monitored my mood and changed the medication a few times. Told me that the right medication would enable me to heal myself in a cognitive self examination. He asked questions and watched my responses and body language. It was nothing like the psychologist approach.

    It took about 18 months and I could get off the medication. It seems obvious to me that you need to seek out a medical doctor/phychiatrist and get help.

    You are like all the rest of us you are a loveable person and deserve to be loved. You are a valuable person and deserve to be valued . You are an important person and deserve that recognition.

    You deserve the love,value, & recognition from us and others and YOURSELF.

    WE do love you and value you and respect you or no one would be writing here. YOU must give all these needed things to YOURSELF also.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

    Love and Hugs for you.

  • BeautifulGarbage

    I just caught Six's edited post.

    I'm glad you called someone.

    Please let us know you are ok.


  • DJ


    Aren't you the Zappa fan?? Check your e-mail, ok? I'll put JW in the subject,dj

  • FreeFallin


    I'm sorry that I don't know your story or what you've gone thru. But please know that many here love you; love in its purest form, and that we all wish you the very best. Be gentle with yourself.


  • Xandria


    I know you must be going through a difficult time. I am glad you voiced your feelings. That is a step forward. The so-called therapist- should have his/her license revoked and not practice as a Mental Health Counselor.

    All of us, in a way have come away from what I call Fellowshipping with Fear, with some scars. Because of the Abuse, I received at home my entire childhood was filled with fear. Being controlled by anger, intimidation, being forced to submit to WTS teachings, being forced to pretend that we liked and /or agreed with all this makes it harder to be able to express how you truly feel. Because at times, it makes you feel guilty. I believe going through this (myself) attributes to my inability to express my true feelings at times. Being forced to act and pretend to protect myself left me with many deep seated emotional wounds.

    The few times, I timidly attempted to speak out, about my situation; ended up in devastation. It brought a violent reaction from those who were suppose to protected me from harm rather than inflict it.

    My mother's violent reaction - her ranting and raving was so frightening to me, that I learned and programmed myself to just do whatever to survive.

    But Fear was my constant companion: fear of my mom, step dad, fear of the anger, fear of being exposed, and fear of someone finding out what was happening, fear of having friends. The isolation I felt and was placed in allowed them to control me.

    Then there is the betrayal.. Why didn't someone stop this, why did they allow it to go on, why...? No one helped me and they should have.

    Then came the pretending everything was all right when it was not. Rather than facing it, I ran and hid in books, lied to myself and finally one day it blew up.

    I think the best thing my step dad ever did was to throw me out of the house (tent trailer at the time). (At the time, it was horrible) but it forced me to deal with what was going on. I was no longer under their control. I was finally "free to choose".

    If we run from the truth ... (now not the WTS interpretation) but the plain truth of what has happened in our lives. Then we will stay in bondage to those things. We need to stand and confront it.

    Sometimes that entails getting help. A good therapist listens period. Human beings have a way of talking things out until a solution comes. Others need sounding boards.. Yeah therapists have "training" but they don't have all the answers.

    I used to think if only they would change... if my financial situation would change, if I got this or that. But the situation of my happiness was the same. I was depressed, suicidal (during the early parts) and basically lost.

    Then it hit me. If I truly wanted a change and things to go right. Then the change would have to come from me. I could not change anyone else, nor should I try to. Because the only person who could change me is me. Believe me, I am a work in progress still.

    The key to change is to get to the root of the problem.

    Many in emotional bondage and in addiction have grown from roots of:

    Abuse, Shame, Rejection, Guilt, Improper Mirroring and Imaging from Parent. We feel "something is wrong with me".

    From those roots we get:

    Anger -hostility, Controlling, Judgmental, Chip on the shoulder, Hatred, Low Self Esteem, Negativism, Depression, Self Pity.

    We get Confusion and Inner Turmoil, the pretend me.. b/c the real me is not acceptable ( we are trained in that) An we try finding out lets for this in many forms: Sex, Food, Money, Power, Drugs, Alcohol, Activity.. If I can't get good feelings from within me, I'll try getting it from the outside.

    No one can wave a wand and give you those feelings. You have made the first steps in a long journey. You recognize that there is something missing and you need to get to the root of it.

    Working through painful memories takes time.

    Self Rejection and Self Hatred... Shame and Guilt can cause this, and in extreme cases it can develop into self abuse. Many have rejected themselves, b/c they are convinced they will be rejected by others... and manifest this behavior in accordance with what they believe about themselves. The list of potential problems goes on and on... by the point I am getting at (yes there is a caboose to this train of thought).

    If you are truly seeking to be released and recovery from abuse, you must not allow other people's opinions of you, as evidenced by the way you have been mistreated in the past, to determine your worth. Remember, people who feel worthless will always try to find something wrong with you so they can feel better about themselves.

    Some people don't reject themselves totally, but only parts like personality, body, etc. Sometimes allowing yourself forgiveness and acceptance that you will make mistakes along the way, imparts strength to you. Little by little change will happen (if you allow yourself to take those steps). Sometimes help is needed.. That is not a bad thing. But when you allow someone to tell you ... that you are unworthy of love, life, and they belittle your self worth. Then they are wrong and suffering themselves and have no business telling others how to live their lives.

    Last but not least.. you are not alone.


    HOPE: 1-800-748-2433 this is a crisis line that has people available 24-7.. you can call up just to talk and you don't have to tell them who you are.

    An again for those who need referals and services:

    National Mental Health Association: 1-800-969-NMHA(6642) 330 affilliates nationwide providing treatment referrals & services

    Prevent Child Abuse: 1-800-244-5373

    Children of the Night: 1-800-551-1300A 24 hour a day runaway crisis hotline

    Runaway Hotline (National) 1-800-621-4000

    Trevor Helpline - GLBT youth: 1-800-850-8078

    Compassionate Friends-parent grief: 1-630-990-0010

    Friends of Battered women and their Children: 1-800-603-4357

    Al-Anon Meeting information: 1-888-425-2666
    Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 1-800-821-4357

    Provides referrals to local facilities

    Domestic Violence Hotline (National): 1-800-799-7233
    National Domestic Violence

    Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

    Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders: 1-800-736-3739

    Cuting Yourself?: 1-800-366-8288

    Edited by - xandria on 22 August 2002 23:44:47

  • outnfree


    I am glad you phoned Sixy. I only saw this thread now. I was up helping my daughter move to college on the 21st and spent most of yesterday zonked out on Flexeril to ease my achin' back!

    Please, sweetie, know that I care as do many others here. There has been lots of venom spewed here lately that is SO unimportant in the overall scheme of life!

    I truly hope that you are still among the living. I am e-mailing you also.



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