Any advice on DA process?

Cicatrix

Hello All,

I'm a newbie that's been lurking here for a couple of weeks, trying to get up the nerve to post.I've made the decision to DA myself after months of thought and research.I'm not familiar with the procedure,though.Is there anything that any of you feel is particularly important for me to know?Do I have to go before a JC to DA?If I refuse to,will they just DF me?I prefer to make it clear that I am the one who is VOLUNTARILY leaving, but having been a victim of the kangaroo court proceedings on other occasions, I just can't bring myself to put myself in the elder's "loving" hands again (a story for another day).I'm fortunate that none of my family members are baptised or even active witnesses at this point.

Any input would be much appreciated.

Cicatrix

LuckyLucy

You don't owe them any explanation...just go..they don't own you!!
Very happen you have made the right choice..renews my faith in people.

out4good3

Why play by their rules? Why give them the satisfaction of knowing that even during your exit that you're bound by their flawed leadership? If you've truly come to the conclusion that they're all full of it write a DA letter only if you think it will clear your conscious but if not just walk away. They'll only announce that you've DA'd yourself anyway....not the reasons why. And, based upon this months insert in the KM, if you DA'd that's the equivalent of being DF'd anyway.

NeonMadman

Why should you disassociate yourself and give them the opportunity to enforce shunning upon you? If you've made the decision to leave, the first thing you need to understand is that you are no longer subject to their rules. Why write a letter that says, in effect, "OK, I'm leaving, so please have all my friends and family start shunning me now"?

If you don't want to be a JW anymore, then don't be one. Don't go to meetings or out in service. Don't participate in their activities. Don't feel the need to live according to their rules. And don't bother to conform to their organizational policies. I find it very ironic that, even on the way out the door, so many still feel bound to follow Watchtower policies and formally disassociate themselves rather than just plain LEAVING, and not having any further association with the organization (which, of course, does not mean cutting yourself off from friends).

If the elders approach you, simply refuse to meet with them or discuss the matter. If you tell them you don't want to be a JW anymore, that will be the same as writing a DA letter. They will announce to the congregation that you have disassociated yourself, and you will be shunned. Likewise, if you make statements to the effect that you no longer believe in the organization or in the "faithful and discreet slave," they may very well DF you for apostasy. So don't make those statements. Indeed, don't make any statements at all. The best bet is to tell them that you will not be coming to meetings and that, no, you have no interest in meeting with them so they can "help" you. Then say no more. If they are on the phone, hang up at that point. If they are on your doorstep, close the door.

If they try to get you to attend a judicial meeting, contact a lawyer, and insist that they contact you through him. Have the lawyer send a strongly worded letter stating that you do not wish to be contacted, and that he will hold them personally liable, as well as their congregation, if they do not honor your wishes. If they try to follow you around or contact you frequently or put you under surveillance to build a case against you, consider invoking criminal anti-stalking laws against them.

The main point is this: don't play their game. Within the walls of Watchtower justice, you can't win. They have all the power, if (and only if) you subject yourself to it. Make them play your game, in which all of us have to abide by laws and fairness under the legal system, and in which people have the right to choose how they will live. The law will be on your side, not theirs.

Edited by - NeonMadman on 12 August 2002 9:59:53

outnfree

Hi, Cicatrix!

I understand where the others are coming from, and I would have faded just as they advised had my hand not been forced.

However, as YOU express the desire to make it clear to the congregation that you are rejecting the organization (this time) rather than the organization rejecting/reprimanding you, AND you have no family left as active witnesses, then I'd say go ahead and disassociate yourself formally.

You can write a letter to the PO alone (which he will read to the elder body) or you can mail or deliever the letter to each one of the elders. Make it short and sweet, because they won't read it all the way through -- unless you ramble from the start and leave the DAing part for the end, maybe... Then the PO will get in touch to ask for a meeting. which you can decline, saying that you wish for your letter to stand as written. If you want to be present for the annoucement, you can ask the PO at that time to let you know when it will be announced. Walk out with a smile on your face and a jaunty step. You will then be,

outnfree [;)

(and no longer scarred?)]

Edited by - outnfree on 12 August 2002 10:14:22

scumrat

Play by your rules, not theirs!!!

Remember your the one that's important here.....not them !!

LittleToe

If you're not high profile I would walk. They probably won't even notice your gone, if it's a largish congregation. Don't bridle about that - unless you havesome close friendships, it just shows that they are more concerned about numbers than people.

Sending in a letter of DisAssociation may give you closure, if you really want it, but the reaction you get may vary, depending on the body. Some will continue to harass, and you sound a little concerned about that, from your post.

Good luck - we'll be rooting for you.

Cicatrix

Thanks to all for your quick replies.I really appreciate your input.

I have gone back and forth on this issue for a few days now,whether to just walk or officially DA.Yes,it is playing by their rules to write a letter,but my experience with others leaving here is that they really give you no choice.If you don't DA yourself, they find a reason to DF you eventually anyway(I have reason to believe they may have begun an "investigation" of me already,but aside from logging onto this sight on my computer, they have no grounds whatsoever-yet.hehe).

Friends are not really much of an issue.Due to a really strange situation(which upon reading the lovely elder's manual I find is acceptable procedure), they have chosen to believe the slander of certain "unbelieving" relatives of mine.All of the families I was close to have been "warned off" from my bad association by a "concerned" elder(who admitted to me in private some of the slanderous remarks,but would not divulge the person who said them,although I have a good idea who it is).In essence, I've already been DFd,as I've been shunned for some months(I believe they might refer to it as "marking", although there are absoulutely no grounds for them to do so, and it's my understanding that they aren't supposed to mark members of the congregation anymore, although I may be mistaken on that.At any rate, it's all been done on a private, hush hush level.I can't prove it's been done by anything except for the refusal of members to associate with me on a personal level, or even to go in service with me(lots of creative excuses and no shows).And all of this took place over a number of months while I was still actively attending meetings and going out in service!

Boy,don't I sound paranoid??Well, I really thought I was until I recently talked to another congregation member, who told me that this had been done to them, also(and I didn't divulge that it had been done to me).

The reason why I'm considering an official DA is twofold.First,I'm currently in college pursuing a degree (Gasp!hehe.This cong is very slow to respond to new WT info) in which I will be working with children.I absolutely abhor what is going on with the whole sex abuse scandal,and I want to make it officially clear to "the world"(sorry guys,just using WT language) that I no longer am involved with the WTS.Also,it was actually another person's voluntary disassociation that got me thinking.This person never said a word about why they were leaving.We shared a special and poignent hug,then the following week the announcement was made.I was floored!Disfellowshippings never penetrated my WT haze, but somehow,the DAing got me to think.I knew this person's history and it made no sense.I think that this person's silence on this issue, along with the "brazen" action of voluntarily leaving really made me think, because I knew this person well.

At this point,I could give a flying fig if any of the "brothers" ever talk to me again.In fact, I would take great pleasure in invoking their own rules against them if they try to harrass me(aka that new KM about how to deal with DFd and DAd persons--hehe).The few persons I care to have a relationship with have already flagrantly disobeyed the dictates of the WTS in this regard with other persons,so I hardly think my actions will stop them.

I guess I kind of have a "You can't fire me--I quit!" mentality.

So how is this for a DA letter:

Dear Presiding Overseer:

Effective immediately,I am writing to inform you that I no longer wish to be associated with the _________ Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, Inc.,or with the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society.

Sincerely,

What do you think?Hehe.Short and to the point,with no incriminating info(unless of course they read this board).

Outnfree~Thanks for noticing the "scar" in my name.It's not gone-maybe never will be, but scars don't usually remain painful.I fully expect the pain will fade in time,and a very valuable lesson has been learned.

I'm looking forward to the support here, as I've been indoctrinted for many years,and leaving will not be an easy thing.But nothing that's really worth anything ever is:)

MikeMusto

LittleToe

Succinct letter.

They are unlikely to leave you alone, unless you give a reason, though. There's a line on the DA/DF form that asks for this, as well as how many times you were approached. Head office expects at least two attempts to retrieve you (I received EXACTLY two visits).

You know what they are like for filling in all the boxes on those forms.

Any advice on DA process?

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