i normally don't do this but...

Incense_and_Peppermints

...everyone else does, so here goes...

every lovesong i hear, i have to turn off. every scene or commercial on tv i see with a couple in love, even the stupid geico insurance one, i have to flip the channel off... everything, everywhere reminders of one i loved, one who broke my heart. i met him long before i ever came to this board, so it's NO ONE here. anyway, i could call him and i know he would be back with me just like that. but so would the anguish and frustration of knowing i an not the only one... so would his lies and pretty sentiments that i wonder is he saying those things to her... or her... and i have good days when i don't cry. but last night i felt it gathering like when you see dark clouds gathering and you just know it's going to be a gully washer and i try to ignore it but this morning watching the sun rise and remembering he used to call me then and tell me he was sitting by the fountain watching the sun rise and wanting me, just to hold me, and i just started weeping and it surprised me how deep the feelings went and i wonder will i ever get over this heartbreak. i always knew he would be the one to break my heart. i knew it from day one and i never felt that way about anyone before. i saw it in those crystal-grey eyes of his, those eyes like oceans at dusk, heard it in every song he sang, i always felt it even though he said i sang for you tonight...

just remember just because some posters don't wear their heart on their sleeve, doesn't mean they aren't hurting inside. and i'm sincerely sorry if i hurt anyone here. you just never know. and i do love it here and i do love all of you, my fellow ex-jw pilgrims.

~incense

Vivamus

Owww, (((((((((((((((Incense))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for you!

I really have no wise words to share, I usually just follow my heart, and allow it to be hurt. But my thoughts are with you!

Take care dear Incense, love ya too.

Viv.

DakotaRed

I&P, I'm so sorry you are hurting. Getting hurt by one we love deeply can be devastating. When I broke up with my first wife, after 12 years of marriage and two beautiful daughters, it cut me deep too. She too slept around. I couldn't listen to love songs without feeling cynical.

But, in time, it did pass. Matters of the heart really do hurt and for quite some time. Feeling rage, anger and hurt is natural, but don't let it consume you. I know, it's hard not to, but it can eat you alive, if you let it.

You'll bounce back and find you are an even better person for it. If you want to listen to a good song about this, at least to me it is, listen to Carly Simon's "Comin Around Again." I always took it as addressing her breakup with James Taylor and her recovery from that.

Just remember that you have many friends here and a lot of people care about you.

Lew W

Solace

Incense,

Im so sorry. It totally sucks that we cant control what others will do to us. The only thing we have control over is ourselves and our reaction to such treatment.

I would be tormented forever by all that I have been though if I didnt refuse to do that to myself and to my family. So much of it is a painful learning experience. I also wear my heart on my sleeve but I have grown from my experiences. I vowed to myself that I would NEVER allow myself to remain in an abusive or hurtful situation. The only one who can keep us happy and content with our lives is ourselves and we CAN do that because we are now in control of our own life and can make our own choices. I would never tell anyone what to do, but if you still have strong feelings for this person but you know that he is only going to hurt you again, I would keep my distance to protect myself. It is so sad that so many people are unhappy because they choose to not to leave an unhappy situation. Happiness and love are out there, we just have to allow it to happen. We cant allow it to happen by staying where it doesnt exist.

Take Care hun'.

avengers

Hey kiddo. Got the BLUES????? Guess we all do at times.

I remember how you got me out of the blues by just reading your posts. Hope someone here does the same for you.

BTW. That's why I'm on this board. There's nobody like YOU people out there that understand as good as you do.

Andy

Francois

I & P, I've been where you've been, so I know where you're comin' from, you see where I'm at?

There are songs I don't, I can't, listen to any more.

There are things I can never allow myself to think of any more.

There are places I can never go again, not even in my mind. Charleston, SC is one of those places.

I even fear turning a corner in some unknown somewhere some day to see that face close before mine once again as it was in all those days that have gone by since those days when she was mine.

You do know, I'm sure, about how after some relationships are over, you can often - throughout the wonder-watches of the night - sit beside a lowering fire and remember with a glass of wine and a warm heart the now absent days and nights with that one who no longer is that one. And although it can be a bitter/sweet phenomena, the memories are often pleasant and warming as they flow throughout the broad, leaf-littered, sun dappled avenues or the moonlit and quiet byways of your mind. And you are at peace with yourself about that one, and you can smile.

And as you imply, there also in almost every life is that one.

And that one never seems to leave, and the memories of that one are ghosts that haunt the night beside the cold ashes of a dead fire. Especially if it was your own fault, as it was mine. And no matter how you push these memories of that one away, they seem to be pulled back by the force of some invisible silver thread you didn't know was there even though that thread is of your own creation and making, woven from the left-over tatters of a beautiful fabric that once cradled you both in all-encompassing warmth and oneness. And you know, you know, you know, you'll never hold that one again, no matter the strength of your desire for just one more hour, that hour would tear you to pieces, dash you to your death, if you were to have it granted to you by an understanding and compassionate God.

The memory of being kissed, quiet to the surprise of us both, full on the lips while at the wicker table in Houlihan's Old Place that night, over twenty-five years ago now, when I was a young man, will neither leave me nor leave me alone. And another moment like it can never, ever happen again although I live throughout the eternity of all future time. I will surely take this to my grave: The Prado and other sorrows.

It was at just this time of year, that quarter-century ago, all this began and it's an anniversary feeling then that descends on me right this minute inspired by a fellow-feeling for you and the agony of your own heart's recollection. I've learned not to fight it over all these years; that just makes it worse when the certain rebound memory takes place. But it is nice to know there is someone else, some where else, who can hear and understand, isn't it?

And, too, you can't possibly know what it has cost just to put down here about it these few words. Although you might guess. I hear you are an empath like me. If you are I fear I may have overdone it.

Success, then, my fellow knower.

- francois

Edited by - francois on 10 August 2002 13:41:18

pomegranate

The Crying Game

I know all there is to know about the crying game
I've had my share of the crying game 
First there are kisses, then there are sighs 
And then before you know where you are 
You're sayin' goodbye 
One day soon I'm gonna tell the moon about the crying game 
And if he knows maybe he'll explain 
Why there are heartaches, why there are tears 
And what to do to stop feeling blue 
When love disappears 
I know all there is to know about the crying game 
I've had my share of the crying game 
First there are kisses, then there are sighs 
And then before you know where you are 
You're sayin' goodbye

Don't want no more of the crying game 
Don't want no more of the crying game 
Don't want no more of the crying game 
Don't want no more of the crying game

Luv pom.

Edited by - pomegranate on 10 August 2002 13:38:18

ugg

oh my,,,,,how deeply moving.....it is like a death with no closure....hugs to you incense...hugs...

Jesika

(((((((((((((((((((((((((IP))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh honey, I have been there too. I don't know if what helped me will help you, but I kept myself very busy and around friends. Then I found a guy that treated me even better than my ex (which I didnt think was possible). We all greive for a loss of love--either in death or otherwise. Just give yourself some time, and please don't go back and put yourself through it again like I did. Hurts even worse than the first!!

Incense_and_Peppermints

vivamus, dakota, heaven, avengers, pom, ugg, francois and jesika, you're so sweet...

francois, yes i am an empath and i felt every single thing you wrote. you are a very gifted writer. it will never ever leave you, you know. i guess the trick is to not swim inside the memories, but just watch them pounding on the shore... but your words made me cry... yet i feel a little better for it :|

no jesika, i will never open that door again. i know that the hurt would be worse and i am not strong enough to allow him back into my heart. he's still in my head, but that will go away with time.

oh you guys thank you just for being . all of you.

love,
~incense (janette), throwing her arms around you

i normally don't do this but...

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