In Case you care..... apostate words for Mum

by ApagaLaLuz 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ApagaLaLuz

    My parents kicked me out of their home 3 years ago when I started to question things. I was engaged to a ministerial servant and a regular pioneer shortly before everything happened. Although I haven't been DA'd or DF'd I have been labeled an "apostate." Up untill recently I have had NO relationship with my parents. My mother wrote me a letter recently asking me to repent and come back to Jehovah. I responded with the following letter. Her heart was softened and we have begun rebuilding our relationship. I'm posting this in it's entirety with nothing edited. I hope it may help some of you who are estranged from your family.



    My Dear Mother,

    I debated on whether to respond to your letter. But I decided there were somethings to address. I love the both of you very much. You taught me very much about being a good and kind person. I learned how to be responsible. And you have taught me the qualities that make a good woman.

    Please dont be resentful towards JR. He has never had any ill intentions. One thing that I have been trying to learn is to not always take everyone for face value. Sometimes you have to sit back and look at their intentions and be understanding. Whatever happened between him and I are insignificant now, and it was a long time ago. I do not feel guilty about it. I never used my doubts about the organization as a smoke screen to cover over anything.

    When I was growing up I always had questions about things that didnt quite make sense to me. When I met Kip, he was an outlet for me to pursue those doubts.

    I tried so hard as a teenager to be what you had wanted. I felt when I was a preteen that I had let you all down so much. I felt the only way for me to redeem myself was to be the perfect little Jehovah Witness daughter. I felt like I couldnt be who I really was because that was a disappointment.

    When I broke things off with JR, it was soley because I didnt want to end up in that kind of marriage. I was struggling with internal demons. I questioned the only teachings I had ever known, I also questioned my sexuality. I knew that if I married JR I would end up the little pioneer wife, married to the Ministerial Servant, financially struggling for the will of God. An example for the congregation, with everything I said and did being reported and commented on by everyone. The reason I went to clear my head up the coast was because I saw no end to it all.

    Please dont worry about my hurt and pain. I can honestly say I dont feel that anymore. I feel like a very happy person. Much happier than I was before. I am proud of myself for who I have become. Sure I still have a lot more to learn and grow from, but Im actually happy now. I know you always told me there was nothing for me in the world. I was taught that worldly people were dangerous. I have met some beautiful people though. Very caring, warm, moral, people. I have a hard time accepting that the only quality people are Jehovahs Witnesses.

    I wont go in to doctrinal reasons that I have problems with the organization, I dont need to add fuel to the apostate fire. But will tell you somethings that I have uncovered that are very disturbing that have helped me to know that Im not crazy. After all anyone who knows the truth and walks away from it must be crazy.

    There is a non-profit organization that I came across called Silent Lambs. They are a support group for Jehovahs Witness children who were sexually abused by members of the congregation and made to be quiet. They were told to let the Elders take care of it. But the Elders, these spirit anointed, untrained men didnt take care of it. They hid it and supported their fellow elders who were being accused so as not to put Jehovahs name in a bad light. There are 20,000 reported cases inside the congregations of the United States alone. This is something the Society has long been aware of and did nothing about till the whistle was blown to Dateline and Panorama in the UK. The whistle blower was a woman who worked at Bethel. An exemplary Witness who had devoted her entire life to the Organization. When she brought it to the Governing Body, they threatened her with Disfellowshipping if she didnt follow Jehovahs Direction and keep it quite. Ive attached a copy of her story.

    Please read it. Dont simply scan over it and ignore it.

    Another knawing doubt I always had came while studying the Proclaimers Book. I wanted to know more about Charles Taze Russell. If he was supposed to be a significant mouth piece of God, to start this faith with the ONLY people who could be saved, then why is there no prophesy of him or the bible students in the bible?

    Why have they flip- flopped back and forth over certain rules:

    Several times they changed position on Rape. You can research these: Watchtower, January 15, 1964, p.63 (scream or be disfellowshipped) Aid To Bible Understanding, 1969 pp. 601, 1371 (No, If you dont scream you wont be disfellowshipped) Awake!, March 8, 1974 p.14 (Yes, Scream) Awake!, July 8, 1980 pp.5-6 (No, You dont have to scream) Watchtower, Oct 15,1980 p.7 (Yes, Scream) Watchtower, March 15, 1983, p.30 (No, You dont have to scream) Awake!, February 22, 1984 (Yes, Scream) Awake!, June 8, 1984 (No, dont scream) Awake! May22, 1986 p.23 (Yes, Scream) Awake! September 22, 1986, p.28 (No, you dont have to scream or be disfellowshipped)

    Also, the Society has been very vocal about the Wild Beast, The United Nations. They have called them the Disgusting Thing. But recently I came across a letter issued by the UN to numerous newpapers across the country who had inquired about the Jehovahs Witnesses. It shows that the Organization was a member for nearly 10 years, How ironic that they requested to terminate their association immediately after September 11 th . Ive enclosed a copy.

    I know it is pointless for me to give you these things because I know how set you are in your mind. That is a good quality to have. Its admirable to have beliefs that you would in no way compromise. I just simply do not agree with them. I can only imagine how my new revelations will effect our relationship. All Ive wanted for so long is to have a good relationship. But I know that you cannot allow that because of my apostate views. Especially after the August Kingdom Ministry article on Shunning.

    It always bothered me though, that you could accept Carrie fully. She has known the Jehovahs Witness beliefs for many years and has made it clear that she does not believe them. I wish I could have that relationship with you.

    Especially now, I would like to get to know you. I would love to work on our relationship. I know I made it difficult sometimes as a child to love me. But I would like for you to get to know me as a woman now. The wonderful woman that Ive become with your help.

    You taught me to me independent and strong. And to speak out and be vocal about things I didnt believe were right. And thats what I do. And I refuse to compromise that. As much as I miss having a relationship with you, I cannot pretend to be someone Im not. And I wont say what you want me to and be fake simply to accomplish that.

    I want to be as much help as I can while you are sick. You always took care of me and others when they were sick, and I want to do the same for you.

    Please understand that Im not hurting or in pain anymore. And I love you very much.

    I wrote this from my heart.

    Your Daughter,


  • scootergirl

    Jana.....thank you for sharing such an intimate and personal letter to your parents. Your letter sounds like a million that I have written to my parents begging for acceptance and love (but to no avail). If only our parents would understand what an extreem sacrifice they are making for the sake of a man made makes my heart sad to know that others have experienced the same pain that I have-but then again, it makes me happy to know that I am not alone...none of us are.

    Hugs to you!

  • LyinEyes

    Ok, another story that is breaking my heart, i guess it is good to cry sometimes and I cry for you Jana and all of us that have been turned away by our parents because of what the WT tells them to do. I too tried to be the perfect elders daughter and felt hopeless for letting them down over the most minor wrongs. I even wanted to end it all, all beginning at the age of 11 or so, I just didnt see things getting better. It is erie the way we all have the same story almost. I just hope your story will have a turn for the better, maybe your mom will have a change of heart , even if it is just a little ,it is better than nothing. I loved the way you said everything, It was really from the heart . I am sure it touched her. Just give it time, seems your mom may start seeing things, she just may need time to see it all. I wish you the best in everything Jana, and thanks for posting that letter , it was good to hear your story. Keep posting your thoughts , it will help alot to talk it out, it sure has help me. My email is on my profile so if you ever need someone to talk to or a listening ear,,,,,,,,,,, i will always be there for you..........

    Hugs, Dede

  • ApagaLaLuz

    Thanks a bunch for your kind words. I'm not too upset about my situation. I really like where I'm at. But I certainly can appreciate the heartbreak that many of you feel. Thanks for the support. And like Tupac says "Keep your head up"


  • AjaxMan


    Great letter!!! I can feel your emotions. You really let it out all on your sleeve. I hope everything works out between you and your parents even though they are still believing in a screwed up cult. Like you quoted what Tupac Shakur said: "Keep your head up".



  • avishai

    Great letter. This should have it's own website, as an ideal letter.

  • Sassy

    Chevys, Jana

    My heart goes out to you and my respect for you as well. My mother is basically treating me the same way and I wish I had the courage that you do to write something like this..

    if you ever need to know where I am

    ps.....I didn't know this was an old thread... but my feelings are the same..

  • SixofNine

    Chevy's, thanks for sharing that. As Avishai said, I think it is an "ideal" letter in tone and content. There is a discussion going on on the board right now about maturity; well I think your letter to your mom is the epitomy of "maturity". You conceded what you could concede, you stood firm on important things, and you pointedly asked her to read your letter with integrity and maturity. I'm so glad that it worked to improve your relationship.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie


    Very eloquent!

    Frannie B

  • ApagaLaLuz

    Thank you guys, for your kind comments. I'm sorry I missed them earlier. The recent thread about writing to your mothers on Mother's Day brought me back here to reflect. Your words mean alot to me. (that's me keeping my eayes from watering up)

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