My pickup lines never worked

by LB 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jesus Christ
    Jesus Christ

    I'd always use the whole walking on water bit to get their attention and impress them a bit. After I got done doing that I'd turn the water into wine to get them drunk so I could have my way with them.
    I was such a player............

  • WildTurkey

    Ok LB, this one will work. Walk up to a woman and ask her, do you feel the electricity between us? If she says no, look down at your crotch and then look at hers, and say well thats the problem we are not plugged in!!

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    i don't know... that bus line might have worked for me. i'm a big kerouac fan... and i have always loved this part, when he meets this strange girl on the bus...

    From: "On The Road": The Mexican Girl, Jack Kerouac, 1947

    I had bought my ticket and was waiting for the L. A. bus when all of a sudden I saw the cutest little Mexican girl in slacks come cutting across my sight. She was in one of the buses that had just pulled in with a big sigh of airbrakes and was discharging passengers for a rest stop. Her breasts stuck out straight; her little thighs looked delicious; her hair was long and lustrous black; and her eyes were great blue windows with timidities inside. I wished I was on her bus. A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I spotted a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too big world.

    "Los Angeles coach now loading in door two" says the announcer and I get on. I saw her sitting alone. I dropped right opposite her on the other window and began scheming right off. I was so lonely, so sad, so tired, so quivering, so broken, so beat that I got up my courage, the courage necessary to approach a strange girl, and acted. Even then I had to spend five minutes beating my thighs in the dark as the bus rolled down the road. "You gotta, you gotta or youll die! Damn fool talk to her! Whats wrong with you? Arent you tired enough of yourself by now?" And before I knew what I was doing I leaned across the aisle to her (she was trying to sleep on the seat).

    "Miss, would you like to use my raincoat as a pillow?" She looked up with a smile and said "No, thank you very much." I sat back trembling; I lit a butt. I waited till she looked at me, with a sad little sidelook of love, and I got right up and leaned over her. "May I sit with you, Miss?"

    "If you wish."

    And this I did. "Where are you going?"

    "L. A." I loved the way she said L. A.; I love the way everybody says L. A. on the Coast; its their one and only golden town when all is said and done.

    "Thats where Im going too!" I cried. "Im very glad you let me sit with you, I was very lonely and Ive been traveling a hell of a long time." And we settled down to telling our stories.


    The bus groaned up Grapevine Pass and then we were coming down into great sprawls of light. Without coming to any particular agreement we began holding hands, and in the same way it was mutely and beautifully decided that when I got my hotel room in L. A. she would be beside me. I ached all over for her; I leaned my face into her beautiful hair. Her little shoulders drove me mad, I hugged her and hugged her. And she loved it.

    "I love love." She said closing her eyes. I promised her beautiful love. I gloated over her. Our stories were told, we subsided into silence and sweet anticipatory thoughts. It was as simple as that. You could have all your Peaches and Vis and Ruth Glenarms and Marylous and Eleanors and Carmens in this world, this was my girl and my kind of girlsoul, and I told her that. The bus arrived in Hollywood. In the grey dirty dawn, like the dawn Joel McCrea met Veronica Lake in the diner in the picture Sullivans Travels, she slept in my lap.

  • Beck_Melbourne

    I think funny guys pick up more girls even if they're butt ugly...not that I've ever had anyone try and pick me up, except this one time, when a guy said "you're probably married" *sigh*


  • Jesus Christ
    Jesus Christ

    Hi Incense,
    And after that part Sal and Terri spent some time getting drunk and running around with her kid, her brother, and his friend in the manure truck until the started picking cotton for a while until they went to her parent's house and Sal eventually left it to head back east. Much later he, Dean, and Marylou pass by that same area where they lived in tents but unfortunately he was asleep at the time. That part is good but I still think the best two piecs that Kerouac wrote were
    " The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones that are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a common place thing," which is taken from the very beginning of "On the Road." The other one which is on the opposite end of the spectrum from what you wrote. I can't recall which book it was in (I've read just about everything he's ever written) but I still remember the line "and I looked at her with eyes that said, or suggested 'You can go with Yuri you bitch." Just the raw emotion in that part has stuck with me for years.
    Had Kerouac written the bible it would have been far more enjoyable than it is today. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, "On the Road" and a few other non-fiction books in a rather obscure scientific area that I'm in love with are the only REAL religous works out there.

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    oh, Jesus! that's always been one of my favorite passages. in fact, years ago, i typed it on a pice of paper and hung it on my wall at work, then i took it down and kept it in my copy of "bartlett's familiar quotations". it's still there to this day:

    "But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as Ive been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes Awww!

    i liked the bus scene the most 'cause of this part: "A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I spotted a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too big world." he already loves her and she's going in the opposite direction. it's just so... romantic.

    p.s. you're right about those being the true "religious works"... (ooh a "beat generation" version of the bible... i think you may be onto something there... seriously.)

  • Sabine

    OK, I'm very happily married, but...the type of pick up lines that make an impression on me are when guys comment that I obviously work out. Two guys at a restaurant told me I had great triceps (I was lugging huge shopping bags at the time, and well, my triceps were flexed). I guess this is one area I'm vain enough about to be flattered when others notice. Pretty sad, right?

  • NewYork44M

    It has been a long long time since I used a line. But, I wonder if the one I used back when will still work:...."I really enjoyed the WT study this morning, did you appreciate the point the conducted made about......?"

  • Jesus Christ
    Jesus Christ

    One thing that I've always loved about Kerouac, and "On the Road" specificaly, is how Sal goes around the country interacting with various people (who in their own rights are really great folks) and alienating them, mostly because of his friendship with Dean. Its makes me think back and remember all the great folks that JW's know who alienate some really great folks. The JW's like the normal people and the normal people may like them well enough on their own but end up not wanting anything to do with them because of their cult membership. Of course, the big difference between Dean and the JW's is that at least with Dean, Sal really was having a great time with him and he knew that he was being used but was ok with it unlike the JW's who will screw you over and not think twice about it.

  • Princess

    Sabine, that isn't sad! It takes a lot of time and effort to keep in good shape and it's great when people notice. Or, maybe we are both shallow and vain.


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