Soooo not out! Talking to an ex-jw...

by detective 25 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Sometimes it does take years to let go. I was inactive for quite some time, but I still held onto all of the doctrines and observed all the rules, even though I couldn't get myself to the meetings.

  Eventually, though, there comes that time when you can no longer deny what you've felt deep inside, and that is that the JWs do NOT have the truth....never did, never will. Usually, if someone can get to sites such as this or perhaps another board that is a little more low-key, they can begin to examine things a little more closely.

  Don't give up. Sometimes it just takes longer with some people.
• 

  JT

  this post is so deep for it show the depth of High Control groups indoctrination

  i know of folks getting all kinds of "coochie" getting drunk, dealing drugs etc and when I tried to suggest they look at the Org THEY WENT OFF

  as one person said, What I do is due to weakness, but what you and Lady "C" are doing is QUESTIONING GOD.

  and that is the key- to question the org has been elevated to questioning God-

  all the sex in the world has never been taught among jw as being on the same level as questioning god

  when we started college we took classes to help us understand how "Conditioning" worked

  and the key is "Pavlow's dog" once the Association is made in this case

  ORG = GOD the rest is in the bag
• 

  garybuss

  
  It's easy for me to understand. I was a believing walkaway for my first 18 years or so away. It was actually the JW elderrors who helped me start my reeducation process. They called on me after I had been among the missing for 10 years and asked me if I had any questions. I did and they didn't have any answers.
  
  I was busy trying to make a living and help raise 4 sons and I thought I could just walk away so I did not pursue my research. Plus I was not aware of the purge of 1981 nor did I know of Ray Franz's book.
  
  I walked away in 1974 and did not really start my research until 1992. And then I did not pursue it with passion. In 1995 I pursued it with passion.
  
  gb
  
  

  The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
  
• 

  gsx1138

  It took me almost 10 years to drop the control of the WTS. Even five years after my DF I thought the JW cult was bullshit, yet when my then girlfriend/now wife brought home the Ray Franz book I freaked out and told her I wouldn't read any apostate literature. I wouldn't even touch it. Now I laugh at myself for being so stupid but it still amazes me sometimes how much I couldn't let go.
• 

  teejay

  ... while people and their problems can be at the very least entertaining and you can turn yourself inside out trying to convince them of a better or different way, it's a lot of time wasted. IMHO. There is nothing you can do to make anyone change themselves. You can only point them in a direction and maybe light the road, but the trip is still up to them.

  Bikerchic,

  That is the most beautifully succinct comment of a wonderfully profound concept as I've read in a very, very long time. Thank you. Mind if I borrow it?
• 

  drahcir yarrum

  As I was reading your post I was reminded of just how gradual my leaving the organization was. Even when I would have been considered OUT by their standards, much of their belief system still occupied small corners of my brain.

  My first step in leaving was the disallusionment I had with trying to live my life up to the high standards of the organization and seeing the hypocritical lives of other JW's. The shear frustration of not being able to measure up caused me serious personal problems. This was a gradual process and I didn't express my concerns verbally to anyone, but simply quit attending meetings regularly and when I did attend an assembly, the words spoken were not even entering my consciousness. In the background, I had a sense of how unloving the organizations elders were when it came to dealing with the people they were supposed to help. I lived with tremendous guilt for many years with the cloud of dying at Armeggedon constatnly hanging over my head.

  In 1984 I read Crisis of Conscience and that opened my eyes to the corruption of the organization, and yet the doctrines I had been taught over 30 plus years still seemed valid. But, I was willing at this point to consider other viewpoints of the Bible. The first time I attended the Baptist Church with my non-JW wife, they had the communion and I didn't participate because in my mind was the idea that it was reserved for only the 144,000. Needless to say, my wife was pissed at me. The blood transfusion issue was also an issue that stuck with me. But when my father needed a blood transfusion for a leg amputation, and I knew my mother would refuse it for him, I immediately stepped in and appoved it. I suppose I could have been sued, but what the hell, my father lived. I began to examine all of these JW doctrines more carefully, reading other books about Witnesses and cults that I purchased at Christian bookstores. After several years, and it did take several years, I began to shed all of the false doctrines I had learned with the Witnesses.

  So, it does take some time to get from being an active JW to become a normal person.
• 

  detective

  thanks for all of your thoughts!

  Bikerchic, I meant to convey that I had naively assumed that this person who was "out" for years would be candid and open to discussion. I knew quite early in our conversation that an open discussion was right out. I was a little disappointed but I suppose a little disappointment is nothing compared to the churning feelings of confliction that woman must have!

  I don't feel I'm the best person to lead anybody's horse anywhere and don't feel any great joy at having to take on such a task. as for my friend, I cared for my friend when he was in and I care for him now that he considers himself "out". I hope it'll last, I don't know if it will or not. I do know that in order for us to remain as close as we are, at some point he's going to have to look into his religion from a perspective other than the one he's been fed for years. I think he probably feels pretty confident that I won't take up with the Moonies,shave my head and beat a tambourine or take up with any group that will put a major wall between us (or me and my family and other friends, for that matter). I'd like someday to feel that he'll be as cautious about joining up (or rejoining with) any group that will hinder his friendships. He doesn't have much of a family connection left since his falling away from the witnesses so as sad a lot of friends as we are, we're all he's got at the moment!
• 

  DanTheMan

  I've enjoyed reading these posts.

  I've only been out for 4 months. As recently as 1 1/2 years ago, if you had told me that I would be where I am today, I would have thought you were totally f8cking crazy.

  It seems that I do well for a few days, and I get slammed with the "Oh shit what have I done I'm gonna die and as I'm dying there will be a bunch of smartass, self-righteous JW's standing there saying 'see we told you so'". I have been going through that the past couple of days. It sucks.

  The WT preaches the bad news of the kingdom. The endless attention given in WT pubs to mankind's seemingly hopeless plight really sticks with you (and then of course the hook, "Join us and you'll be saved from all of this"). So everytime I see a negative new story it becomes one of those "mental landmines" that I've heard Steve Hassan refer to.
• 

  bikerchic

  Hi Detective,

  I did gather from your original post that you are a caring person, and am more convienced of it now, but I stand convience thru trial and error that you can lead a horse to water....bla,bla,bla! I wish I had a dollar for everytime I tried to change another person! TIC

  I have to preface this by saying I lived with a gay man for 6 months, sorta a "Will & Grace" situation, we were and still are great friends, but I did and still continue to learn a lot about the "gay" lifestyle and basicly people are people and are like you said she must be a very conflicted woman, which I'm sure she is. I've discussed the whole religion thing with my friend and his "coming out" and how he feels about religion. Granted he wasn't raised in the borg, which must be really horrible to overcome all the crap from that, it's a hard lifestyle to say the least, add the condemnation from the JW's and it makes it that much harder. When I told him about how the dubs view everything he and I had gone thru, he was glad he didn't have that stigma to overcome too, his family was very accepting of his lifestyle.

  As for your other friend, all I can say is he is a lucky person to have a friend like you, and you are in a small way pointing him in the direction, just be patient we all have our own paths to take and it's always nice to know that someone cares especially when the people you thought "loved" you because you're family turn you away.

  bc
• 

  minimus

  Hi detective, It seems to me that she is like a lot of ex witnesses that feel guilty over their sexuality first and do not feel initially comfortable to criticize the organization. Perhaps after time goes by, she may feel that it is o.k. to deeply and objectively look at the organization and all its flaws.I know of some people that were disfellowshipped for fornication and stopped going to meetings. Years later they still defend the Witnesses because deep down inside they just blame themselves for what happened to them.