by witchywoman 28 Replies latest jw experiences
Hello witchywoman ,
It is a pleasure to hear from you and be moved by such a story
"I so dearly wanted Jehovahs approval and to be a good wife, and that was used against me, "
It is clear that you tried so hard. You deserve a medal. I can identify with some of your experience. Sometimes the most unexpected thing can happen in your life. Thank you for sharingIncidentally, If you are a fan of the Eagles and the song of your name,you have great taste, perhaps "Sparks fly from your fingertips" too.
Welcome to the board .. Witchywoman. Your feelings within the marriage situation you had .. sounds so much like my mother's. She was very confused and lost.. I think all the strain of this and her life caused her to deteriorate mentally.
She was not a happy person. She had issues within her marriage that seemed like the more years that past the worse it got.
My mom, married my father when she was 17 years old and my father was in his 20's. My father came from Mexico.. and already was married once before. My mother was already very unhappy with her life. Her mom was highly abusive and her father was an heavy drinker. Her two older sisters got married at the age of 13 ( one who is my aunt had 8 children and is a JW to this day). I think they married early to get out of a terrible home life.
My mom and dad, divorced in 1976-77 mom was already pregnant with my sister. Even before the divorce from my father was finalized. Mom married the man who was the father, right after the divorce was final ( the ink had barely had time to dry on the final paperwork).
So from one marriage (she was unhappy with) into another. I think mom was pressured into the marriage. B/c of the factor of her being a single mom and her budding beliefs.. was the basis for this marriage. He was 20 years older than my mother.. he could of been her father! She was held "captive" by her beliefs. She too wanted to be a "good" JW wife and mother.
But also, I think she had some mental issues.. that were not resolved and when she did try ( I remember this well) the confidences she was sharing w/ the counselor was not kept and it caused her to stop trying.
Also the marriage dynamics.. was grossly unbalanced. I do believe my mother loved us.. but only in a very controlling and even violent way. I think that she felt so out of control herself... this was the only "control" she had and would use violence and fear to inforce it.
Anyhow several years of crazy things ... like me being parental kidnapping ( father did this b/c he felt it was the only recourse.), my return to my mother, the years of abuse and living in the campgrounds.. it all took it's toll. The marriage began to crumbly in 1990 ( the year I got married) .. my mother left ( my sisters and brother refused to go w/ her b/c she had no way of supporting them and they sided w/ their father) this was in late 1993. But it was too late.. she was very ill and returned.
My mother died .. in 1994 from Cancer. When I last saw her she was very retro-spective and realized that all this pain, hurt and sadness robbed her of the joys of life.
I told her she was right and got to share with her a truth I learned. If you allow negative things to have control.. and allow all this pain to turn to bitterness.. then you become no, better than the people that have inflicted the pain in the first place. B/c now that you are an adult and have control..you can choose. Even not making a choice.. is a choice. It is a choice to hide.
Ignoring the situation.. doesn't make it go away. That is why I applaud you for your choice to face it.. even if it is painful. Change sometimes is a painful process. I noticed on this board one thing.. we all come from different walks of life. But we have experienced much pain and sadness from the hands of people whose thinking has been molded by the WTS.
That is why I am greatful for boards like this. Makes you feel less alone.. and easier to find support when you are feeling particularly open and abused.
Once again welcome.
Regards,
Xandria
(((((((((witchywoman))))))))))) - thanks for sharing your story. You are indeed a brave woman!
Witchywoman - Sweetheart - your story resounds with many here. My mom returned to my psychopathic (yes, he was/is) father, only to be beaten and degraded and told by the elders to try harder.
My first marriage went to hell when my witnessing brought my husband in. He was handling the mics just after being baptized. It appeared to me that they wanted brothers, and that a whole-hearted sister was a dime-a-dozen. Said husband started a rumor - and well, you can read my story. It's called My Story: Pieces of me. You and I have an enormous amount in common.
My girls were young when I was with that cult. For their first Christmas, they actually had three - one with my new hubby and I; one with my mom and relatives (huge xmas); and one with his parents. They have always hated the borg. Always. I feel enormous guilt over what they were made to go through. (elders thought I was demonized and had an exorcism, holding me down - all 6-8 of them. They burned ALL our belongings, smashed jewelry, and even took my baby's favorite stuffed bunny. All I can tell them now is how sorry I am and that my choice was very wrong.
I'm happy that Mary talks to you now. (Mary - such a pretty name) Please just love her, respect her and make each moment you are together precious. If her eyes open - she will see what the borg really is. It really takes time to 'come around', or a life altering experience.
Your X-husband sounds like the kind of man the borg wants in a position of power. Unfortunately. I don't see your decision of adultry as wrong. Anyone who has lived in that enviornment would understand. In your girls' eyes it was hard - but you must accept that you, too, are a person - a human - and have the right to respect and love and be safely touched. I beg you to not condemn yourself over that. Yes, you could have done things differently - but so could've the rest of us. No one has the right to throw stones.
Please feel free to email me hon. I was very touched by your experience, and I'm glad you're here - on this forum. It's a very healing place to be. Please be assured - I understand you.
huge warm hugs of welcome,
Mimilly
Hi (((((witchywoman))))):
We've exchanged emails before you posted this story of your experience with the judgemental authority of the borg. I understand you so much better now and admire your courage. I know how much courage it took to have to humiliate yourself before 3 men who only look at you as someone breaking up your marriage. (Whatever happened to "We only df ones who are non-repentant"?)
I say "I know" because I experienced a much similar "humbling" in my judicial committee's eyes and was df'd for the same reason as you....for not going back to my husband. My repentance meant nothing to them. I felt like scum for breaking my marriage but I knew I could not return and keep my sanity.
Its a long struggle to re-gain your self-esteem and I still battle with it at times, but being here has been the boost I've needed for this past year.
My daughter went through the same punishing of me like your Mary did. But I am so happy now that she and I have a really fine relationship....at least as long as I don't openly criticize the WTS and sound like "an apostate". So I'm glad you now can be with your daughter as a mum should be. You deserve to re-capture your relationship.
Keep posting and btw....you don't sound "witchy" to me at all.
Had Enough
Edited by - Had Enough on 27 July 2002 23:55:19
(((Sentinel))) You are very sweet, and hang in there with that boy. He is still your son. He may not realize it but he still needs your unconditional love. I will e-mail you. Check up on him, if he doesn`t like it, so what. You are his mother. Who else will care about him more than you?
witchywoman
My Blues Brother,
Yes I did try very hard, but to show you how much I was trying to conform and please Jehovah.after I left I dated a guy that was always calling me a witch, I think he meant b&tch. His nickname for me was woman, and sometimes he called me witchywoman. And yes, yes, yes I love that song. After I chose my name, I realized I would rather be a Black Majic Woman. Ha! I`ll take the moon in my eyes.
I like the real me much better.
Xandria,
You have endured so much, I admire you!
I have apologized to both of my daughters, even the oldest, for raising them in a religion that I did not investigate. I too have mentioned to my jw daughter my regrets. She does not want to really talk about it. (of course). When I apologized to the youngest she just grinned and said " yeah it is your fault isn`t it?" Trying not to have favoritism, I love her! She did accept my apology.
I am not sure about posting my e-mail to my oldest daughter yet.
(((Prisca)))
you are a sweetheart, you are the second person to call me brave.
witchywoman
Jim,
I do hope that my story can help someone else to know that they are not alone.
witchy
Mimilly,
Those elders you had to deal with sound like idiots. You took a lot of crap off of them. Sorry that kind of ignorance happened to you.
I am very happy about being able to talk to Mary (not real name, but close) again. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age and in the org.
Yes, my ex, right after my dfshing I told a friend (jw still talking to me) that I should report him for his treatment of me. She said why, nothing will be done about it. Don`t you know that the org needs brothers, they need him too badly to do anything. She even asked me why did I go to the brothers about myself, I told her it was the right thing to do. She laughed in my face and asked me if I was crazy, she said I should have never done that.
Thank you for sending me so much love and encouragement.
witchywoman
