Let the dead bury their own dead

Hmmm

My (non-JW) grandmother is visiting from the southwest this week. The usual family get-togethers are planned.

My MS younger brother was complaining to me about how unreasonable our (JW) mother is being. It seems she had the temerity to suggest to him that he should go to an earlier meeting on Sunday so he and his wife and newborn baby can visit with his grandmother. Sounds reasonable enough, doesn't it? However, they just changed congregations, and they missed the Sunday meeting their first week there, when the baby was born. They also went to an earlier meeting last week to have dinner with his wife's family.

So he told me--knowing I haven't been to a meeting in years--that he didn't want to miss two of the first three Sunday meetings after moving to a new congregation, and that my mother was being unreasonable for not understanding.

My (JW) father is bed-ridden and his mother (my grandmother) is in ill health. I think she wanted to visit one last time before one of them dies. She came 2000 miles, probably for the last time, and my brother doesn't want to miss a Sunday meeting for a family reunion!

There's no sordid family dysfunction (at least not on that side of the family) to explain this. She's your typical sweet old grandmother. We visited out there about 15 years ago, and my younger brother liked a certain picture they had. When my grandfather died, grandma boxed the picture up and she brought it with her this year and gave it to my brother. She remembers all kinds of funny little stories of my father when he was growing up. I was talking to her yesterday and thinking about the knowledge and family history that will be lost when she passes.

This post isn't about heartless dubs. My brother is very sensitive and caring most of the time, and I must admit that if I were still the die-hard dub that he is, my take would have probably been the same as his. Like many JWs, he has a blind spot where his religion is concerned, and just can't see how unbalanced and unnatural his viewpoint is.

Hmmm

Vivamus

I guess it is the guild thing, again. I once had an outing planned with a few sisters, and my best friend would come as well. That morning she called me, in shock explaining to me she could not come because she had mixed up the dates and would otherwise miss a meeting. I pushed her and said that missing one meeting wasn't such a big of a deal. She agreed to come, only to call me back an hour later, crying and explaining that she really couldn't miss the meeting. And you know that scripture in were it states that seduction to evil comes from the place were you expect it the least? Cant remember which one it was, but it was thrown at my feet by her.

Still saddens me to think of it.

Mmmm, do enjoy the visit and family gatherings, sorry your brother wont make it, but maybe hell change his mind.

Viv.

joeshmoe

Like many JWs, he has a blind spot where his religion is concerned, and just can't see how unbalanced and unnatural his viewpoint is.

Thanks for reminding me of this Hmmm.

Sometimes I get the same way with my family, but then I remember that I was just as dumb and frankly even more die-hard when I was a witness.

It's a difficult balance, becuase I do want to hold them responsible for their own actions, but at the same time, i find it hard to hold it against them as long as they are being blinded by the WT. It's just a tough spot to be in and you have my sympathies.

Larry

Hmmm - Your Bro. doesn't know any better - The Borg is first in his mind. I recall when I was indoctrinated that meeting attendance was paramount. I remember some an emergency came up and I couldn't make the Book Study, and since I never missed meetings I call the conductor and assistant explaining why I couldn't make it. The conductor said "you don't have to call, I know that it must be important if you miss a meeting." I felt so relieved when he said that :) I actually LOVED going to all the meetings, this was my happiness.

I also didn't want to miss a meeting because I was new in the congregation and was reaching out for MS. As you know when a Bro. is reaching out nothing else matters - even family :-/

Enjoy Grandma!

Peace - LL :)

ugg

my husband and i had been married for some time,,,,and i wanted to take a vacation,,,,a nice

vacation to a different state.....he did not want to go because he had a meeting parts...i went to the

elders....they spoke with him and we had our vacation....always kingdom hall first....ALWAYS!!!

jgnat

This is on the lighter side, but it just happened, so I thought I would share. I have been after my JW honey for days to cut the lawn. All I got was later, later. Yesterday afternoon he comes in bouncing like an overgrown puppy - he was asked to ride the Toro at the KH to cut their grass. He could hardly wait to come home to change.

Did he ever get an earful from me. And I was having none of his whining sad-sack expression either, when he finally cut my grass today.

bluesapphire

To me this sounds like classic JW arrogance.

You see the impressions a JW gives to their peers is more important than the reality. So of course if they miss so many meetings while being new in a congregation they will risk giving the impression that they are "weak" or "irregular" even though they probably are not. And thus, they may not be invited to participate in the activities ("gatherings") of the clique in their new congregation.

What is important is putting on the display.

That is much more important than family.

We should all remember this.

Hmmm

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. The reunion was this past weekend, and they at least made a guest appearance. I'm not even sure if they went to an earlier meeting or not.

Viv: I knew a sister who would also be reduced to tears at the thought of missing one meeting, and the guilt of wanting to do something else.

Jjrizo: Its nice to hear that you and your twin brother are close. My twin and I fought all the time growing up (and I have the scars to prove it.) We get along much better now, since I stopped treating him like the spawn of Satan for not wanting to go to the meetings.

BTW Your appeal transcript was one of the first JW things I read on the Net.

Larry: I also remember neglecting my family when I was reaching out. Ironically, now that Im doing more for my family, they can only focus on the fact that I dont go to the meetings.

Ugg: Im glad you had a group of elders that seemed halfway sane. So many elders would give the whole put first the kingdom spiel.

Jgnat: I hate to disagree, but I think your honeys case has less to do with putting the JWs first, and more about power equipment!

Blue: Its so important to make a good impression at a new congregation, to get in good with the elders and the right cliques. I cant fault him, though; I was the same way ten years ago.

Hmmm

Edited by - hmmm on 22 July 2002 19:55:54

teejay

Let me tell you something, Hmmm.

(not always but) Usually when I'm surfing the net, doing the JW.com thang, I'm listening to either jazz or Old School. No different today. I'm reading your post here... and I'm already in an emotional state over Timmm. Maybe you read it?

So, I'm reading your next thread... trying to get a grip... and I read where you said,

So he told me--knowing I haven't been to a meeting in years--that he didn't want to miss two of the first three Sunday meetings after moving to a new congregation, and that my mother was being unreasonable for not understanding...

... and I lost it. Never happened before. Never. EVER. Hell... I'm a man.

Here I am, chilling to the best music in all the world, minding my own business... and read this Ultimate Bullshit. And I lost it. I bust out cryin'. Had to get up. Take a short walk away from the freaking computer.

Your brother reminds me of mine -- a man driven, bound and determined to make something of himself in an enterprise that's going out of business; among people that really won't give a rat's ass about him if he ever wavers. And in the process? He totally disregards blood relatives he'll probably never have the chance to see EVER again, people who love him and *will* love him, regardless of what he does in life. Weird.
--------

I say do what *I* do and to Hell with your delusional brother. Do what you can -- here and now -- to contribute to the well-being of your family... as much as you can... without violating your conscience.

For the lack of anything better to say...

God bless you and your Family, Hmmm.

____________
Damn. Some people never start posts but when they *do*.... my goodness.

teejay

I don't know...

Maybe it's the fact that Simon's software kicks us out to our own post (mine followed yours);

or that the jazz is extra mellow this evening;

or that I'm just missing my big brother....

but I'm feeling you, Hmmm. I liked what you said in this post. Especially where you said that you couldn't fault your brother... cause you were just like him years ago.

my goodness

Let the dead bury their own dead

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