Why do we tell our stories?

by Lady Lee 10 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I realize not everyone here was sexually abused while they were children in the WTS. But many of us were victims.

    Many of us were victims of other kinds of abuse, physical, emotional and definitely spiritual abuses.

    In light of the wonderful work that People like Barb Anderson and Bill Bowen have done they have created an atmosphere where it is finally safe for us to tell our stories. We do this for a variety of reasons.

    We tell our stories because they are our stories. We were silenced for so long and it needs to come out. It really helps to

    • find out we were not alone
    • we are free to talk and share
    • we get support
    • we offer support to other victims
    • we empower oursleves and control of our recovery
    • know we are believed (especially if we were told we were lying)

    We want to protect other children. Silence only makes more victims. The one thing that an abuser wants from his victims is silence. They threaten us with all kinds of terrible things. They blame us. They make us feel like we are reposible. They tell us we are dirty and deserved it. They tell us (through their behavior) that we are worth nothing.

    The only thing that an abuser wants from any one who finds out is silence. When other family members or elders give him what he wants - that precious silence - he is empowered to continue abusing us. He is empowered to find more victims. He thinks he has it made. Many of them actually believe they are not hurting anyone. And mnay of them think no cares about children'

    But we do. We have no desire to see one more child hurt. So we speak out now that it is safe. We speak out now that we know somebody is listening.

    Some one just told me it is too painful to read our stories. Yes it is painful to read. I ache for each story I have read. Sometimes I need to take time before reading another story. I can understand their pain in a way that only other victim's can understand. But I read them. It hurts but I read them.

    I know how much it takes for a victim to tell his or her story. When I tell my story for a new groupof people I shake. My body reacts to the telling. It releases a lot of fear but it stirs up a lot of fear too. What if they don't believe me? What if no one responds? What if they think it wasn't that bad? It isn't easy to tell our stories. It means we relive it in the telling. Few of us can even begin to tell you how bad it really was. I try to do that with my poetry. The feelings are raw. But it takes a lot to do that. I doubt there is one victim here who has told her story and not suffered that night because of the memories. it isn't easy.

    We want one thing from you.

    Read them. Take your time and don't read them all at once. But please honor the effort and the pain it takes for us to tell our stories. You don't need to say a lot. A hug is good. Just a sad face will do. Sometimes that can be the most piognant. Let us know you were there. Let us know you will not stand by quietly and pretend you didn't see it.

    There are so many of us here. Some tell their stories for the first time here in thses pages. Even if you cannot express any words just let them know you took the time to share their pain.

    We lived it. We only ask that you read it and share for a few minutes.

    Thank you.

  • Cappuccino OC
    Cappuccino OC


    Thank you,


  • waiting

    How painfully eloquent - and thank you, Lady Lee.

    When a victim/survivor speaks out - a variety of reasons are probably there, as you brought out. But each time a survivor speaks out, he/she becomes a little less an active victim. More like a victim in memory, surviving in reality. They get stronger, even if no one else knows it.

    And there is strength in numbers - as we are not alone, we are Legion. But it's good to know each other's names & story, it makes us stronger - as in a family. Of course, we never envisioned this type of family when we were growing up, eh? But, nonetheless, most any family is better than the family we actually survived.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Thank you Capp

    Waiting Exactly. Each time we tell our story it loses more power over us and we gain more power or it. It allows us to process what happened and see it from an adult perspective. it allows us to see we have power now even though we had none when we were little.

    I t helps us move out of the victim mode and into the survivor mode

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    One more reason to tell our stories is to help change the idea that some people have that we somehow deserved it or are forever damaged goods.

    There are a lot of misconceptions about abuse and its aftereffects.

    Information is power. The more correct information that is out there the better chance we have at helping other abuse victims and their families and stopping the cycle of abuse

    This is one person who truly believes that silence only helps the abusers

  • Nosferatu

    I actually found it very beneficial to tell a bunch of strangers my story. These people don't know me, and they may never meet me and therefore cannot judge me. Having a listening ear, even if it's a stranger helps a lot. But when you have those strangers relating to your experience, it makes you feel not so alone.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    Thanks so much, Lee. I truly grow stronger and feel more empowered every time I tell.

    Frannie B

  • Sara Annie
    Sara Annie

    A sexual assault survivor once said something that resonated very deeply with me--

    She said that while she was beginning her process of recovery, she suddenly found herself in a group she never wanted to be part of, but now that she was a member it was nice to know she wasn't alone. When she spoke to another survivor, she asked "Do you still think about it every day?" When they said "No, not anymore" she knew, for the first time, that someday she would get there too.

    I remember hearing that at just the right moment in my life. Lady Lee, you're so right--silence is the enemy.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Hi Nos There is such an incredible feeling of lightness at letting our "secret" out. It is such a heavy burden to carry alone.

    SaraAnnie that is so true. This isn't exactly the club most people are trying to get into. In fact most have us have spent a lifetime denying we were part of the club. But ending the denial is the first step to recover

  • Uzzah

    {{{{{{{Survivors}}}}}}}}} Just cuz they deserve it!


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