certifiable...it was bound to happen

zanex

well its official now I guess...I went to see the doc the other day cuz of all the mental crap that has been wreaking havoc on my mind lately and wreaking havoc on my sleeping and eating patterns. Namely I havent BEEN sleeping OR eating much if any. I was given, much to my humor, xanax...sigh. It was funny when it was only a screen name but not nearly as funny now that it is a bottle in my cabinet at home...between the divorce, my friggin elder dad and holier-than-thou mom, my job, and several other things goin on in my life I fell apart. I was given a couple other rx's and they have definitely helped in makin me artificially happy...whatever...the nice way that my parents have been smothering my ex with positive attention has been doing nothing but slowly crushing me. Hey I guess it is ok tho. I'll will make it thru somehow...havent posted here much....feel like I am losing what little I have left of my mind...why me? why did MY parents have to become jws? ahhh fuck it...ltrs....

SPAZnik

(((((zanex)))))

i luv how even when yer down you try and laff.
you rock sal. you'll get past it. hell, there ain't much further down to go right?!
itz all up from here.

hang in der.

SPAZ

Edited by - SPAZnik on 8 July 2002 23:9:59

Lady Lee

(((xanex))) Believe it - you will get through this and whatever else comes your way. You have found a support group here and that is an important factor in recovery. Taking medication for a while until you sort things through is a good idea. Work on getting some local support. And feel free to contact me if you need to. Lady Lee

Satanus

Zanex

There's nothing wrong w falling apart. You can put yourself together later, the way you want to be. It just takes time. Take all the time it needs. It will turn out okay.

Did your doc say anything about some kind of group support? Another more personal one than this might be good, to pull you through the worst.

SS

Xena

Sorry you are feeling down and going thru so much right now Sal! I know it isn't the same as family but remember you do have a lot of friends that care about you

LyinEyes

My little blue pills helped me out when I needed it the most. When I made the heart wrenching choice to leave the borg,I had many sleepless nites, nightmares and panic attacks. My dad was an elder but is just a ms servant now, long story but don't think he can ever be an elder for past misconduct. He doesnt speak to me, and doesnt even know why I havent been to meeting in a year. Guess he doesnt care really. Oh well , that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. At least I hope so. I don't need the xanax like I used to and have been off and on for awhile, but life is short and I don't see suffering with panic attacks. I am recovering at a good steady pace since leaving the borg and one day I hope to never have the panic attacks anymore. I hope you get to feeling better soon, I know it hurts when your family turns on you. You are fully supported here. Someone, well many people in fact from this site, told me there will be ups and downs in your recovery from leaving JW. It may take years, but everyday you will see things in a new and wonderful light. Almost like a small child, just learning about all the things out in the big world. I find that giving myself breaks from deep mental issues, and just going out having fun, doing things I always wanted to, helps alot. I am enjoying reading and so many little things that being a JW didnt give me time for. Like a long hot bath, no rush for meetings, a good nap , spending time on the computer. , these things keep me at least a little sane, more sane than I have ever been in my life. Hang in there, it will get better. After awhile those people, even family that hurt you so much now, in a few months you will probably tell them all to kiss your ass!!! And honestly that is a great feeling , to finally stop trying to make someone love you , accept you , when they just dont really care. I know , we never stop really hurting over how they treat us, but we begin to love ourselves more and decide to hell with them , I am going to be happy, even if it kills them!!!!!!!!!! The best of luck to you.( haha I said luck, big jw no no)

Hugs, dede

teejay

Zanex,

Sorry that you're having a rough go of it right about now. You'll pull through. It just takes time, sometimes.

May I suggest that you start assembling a whole knew set of r/l friends? I know you love your parents, but I've found that parents can sometimes be the most discouraging people in a person's life and yours don't seem to be doing you any good nowadays. Distancing yourself from their negativity could only be a good thing.

Take care, buddy. We're here for ya!

OUTLAW

Hey Zanex,your not alone.Getting out out of the dubs is life altering.You`ll do just fine...OUTLAW

Pistoff

Pardon the ignorance........what is (a) dub(s)?

zanex

spaz: laughing it off and making a joke is probably one of the only things that keeps me somewhat sane. However much sanity i may have left. :) maybe some of yer poetry to cheer me up?

ladylee: yah this board has been a source of much help and I am very much thankful that I got here. As for taking meds...it has just been so long since I have had to take ANY meds that it was a bit hard for me to swallow..no pun intended. Local support...I am still relatively new in this town. Most of the people I know I met thru my exwife so it makes it a little tricky. Lisa(ldh) has been a great help in terms of someone local to vent to. Thanx

saintsatan: "nothing wrong with falling apart" :) thanx...I think I needed to hear that...I spend so much time desperately trying to hold myself together that I forget it is ok to crumble every now and then. The doc didnt seem to have many ideas for support groups that wud match me. I have a hard time with trust issues, yet another flaw from that jw conditioning. Workin on it tho. Til I find somethin this board has been here for me to just vent.

xena: THANX girl...much love felt from the jw board and the "black sheep" that congregate here. :) The pix came out perfect too thanks fer postin em. :)

lyineyes: " Oh well , that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger" boy does THIS ever ring true! I hope that I get to the point one day where none of that jw shite even phazes me at all and I can just shrug my shoulders and say "eh fuck it" I think its funny that I am not there already I have been out for damn near 9 years or so but never really dealt with any of the conditioning that I got while IN the borg. One day...til then I guess the meds will have to do...and I will take yer luck! Even if them damn jdubs hate the crap outta me!

teejay: yah I am tryin to distance myself completely from my friggin jw parents. They just seem to keep messin with my mind. Thanx fer the support!

outlaw: yep definitely life altering....hopefully I make it thru all this life altering dung...I think I will...lol. (somehow)

a dub is another name fer a jw say it with me one time, "jay dubbleyah" JW'S fer the viewing audience back home.

certifiable...it was bound to happen

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